Second Degree Burns

Just put a little Noxzema on it, Buster, and it’ll be alright.

Need to beat the heat at the start of another sweltering week?  Well, The Nest has an icebag for your ears at least.  That must mean it’s Monday… that day we break out another frosty lost hit buried underneath the frozen tundra we like to call the Dusty Vinyl Archive!  DJ Scratchy’s always cooler than room temperature, while the down under Sponkies put on their jackets since it may drop below 75 degrees.  Time to spin this coldie oldie right round baby…

When most of the cool kids who lived during the 80’s remember the music that defined the decade, one of the more novel acts that might immediately come to mind is a UK quartet that was not wanted, but still called themselves Dead Or Alive.  Fronted by the poor man’s Boy George, Pete Burns, DoA compared love to the almighty vinyl disc with the 1984 smash “You Spin Me Round (Like A Record).”  While the song was a #1 in many parts of the world, here in the US, it only reached #11… but that was still enough to give the band it’s much deserved One Hit Wonder status for giving us one hell of an 80’s anthem and then going back to playing in circus freak shows.  Right?

Bitch, please!

Of course not.  While I despise the song itself, even to the point of preferring a cover version by Jessica Simpson of all people, I won’t deny it was a hit.  It just wasn’t their only hit in the States, by a long shot.  Just a couple years later in 1987, Burns and Co. came back mad, bad, and dangerous to know.  And they gave us their second and final US pop hit, topping out at #14, here’s the unfairly written off Dead or Alive masterpiece “Brand New Lover”…

Go ahead and make all of the politically incorrect gay western jokes you can think of… I won’t judge.

You’ve got your assless chaps on backwards, dude.

“Brand New Lover” has been forgotten about, kind of like Pete Burns’ career.  It didn’t help that Boy George beat him to popularity with the transvestite look, even though Burns claims it was his trademark first.  Pete spent much of the latter years of his life getting all of the cosmetic surgery record deal residuals could buy.  So much cosmetic surgery that….. well….

Kids, remember, you’re beautiful just the way you are.

One of the more amusing misadventures in Pete Burns’ splurge on plastic surgery was a botox procedure that didn’t quite hold up well, resulting in his lips literally exploding.  As horrifying as that may sound, it’s still the worst thing to happen to a rock group frontman.  Three Dog Night’s Chuck Negron once had his penis explode during sex with a groupie… and no, not the “good” kind of explosion.  More like a hot dog in the microwave kind of explosion.  That’s gotta hurt…

We hope these incidents weren’t…. er, related somehow.

Come back next Monday for another lost hit that will make your eardrums explode…

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About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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25 Responses to Second Degree Burns

  1. omg peeeeete! the camera kid was plastered wasn’t it? he looks super skinny… was photoshop still invented in the 80’s?

  2. I wasn’t too fond of this song or any song from Dead or Alive, but they, along with many others stamped what was the decade we call the 80’s. So Pete Burns spent the rest of his life trying to look like Cher? Oh the humanity!!

    • And yet according to an interview, he said he has always identified himself as a man. I guess there isn’t a more manly goal out there than to try to look like an inflatable version of Cher…

  3. Whoa…looks like someone lassoed half his body. Could there have been a skinnier 80’s front man?

  4. This song was definitely better than “You Spin Me Round” which really does my head in when I hear it (usually on the car radio). Still, Pete Burns had a good makeup artist but needed padded clothing or something because he was impossibly thin! EEEK! Post plastic surgery he needed more than a makeup artist – he needed a big paper bag. That is – well – beyond hideous! YIKES……….

    Pam

    • I’ll bet a big paper bag would have been a LOT cheaper than a dozen cosmetic surgery procedures that left him looking like really bad blow up doll. I think his surgeon also did that disastrous procedure on a certain cafeteria worker…

      • I wish he had gone for the paper bag because this is simply frightening. YES, I think he and Miss D had the same surgeon BUT Miss D was smart enough to get her surgery reversed…….too bad this guy didn’t.

  5. Er….. no. I’m just stepping away from this one. That exploding penis incident has somehow turned me off having those kosher beef hotdogs I was planning on for supper. *ulp*…. Pardon me, but I have a throne to visit and worship… One last thing? Where does one even find Noxema ™ these days? It hasn’t been on the shelves up in here for years…

    • I’m pretty sure Noxzema still exists… though I utterly avoid going out in the sunshine anymore, so I don’t need it to soothe my vampire sunburn. Next time, I’m sure Chuck will remember to poke some holes in his hot dog before he puts it in the oven…

  6. Merbear74 says:

    Pop goes the ding dong!

  7. Man, I thought you were kidding about Pete Burns, and then I googled him. Yikes, he did morph from strange to a rubber-faced Cher wannabe. How bizarre. I hated Right Round. I got so sick of hearing it. Why do people get carried away with changing their faces like that? I read an interview with Courtney Cox who said she wished she’d never done it.

  8. Pete was so absolutely adorable. Why did he have to ruin his beautiful face???? But you gotta love the band “Dead or Alive.” AND OMG another one of my birthday things came up. I had to look Pete Burns up. He was born the same year I was but not on the same day BUT he DIED on my birthday. Fuck. He missed having the same birthday as Joe Elliot by a few days. Yes, I know I shouldn’t know all of this shit. Blame my dad, he got me started on the trivia stuff. AND YOU keep it going because I can’t stop reading your posts then looking up more stuff. But seriously, this is great fun. Thanks ES.

    • Ha! I remembered looking at Pete’s death date on his Wiki page since I knew he spun right round off this coil not too long ago, but the significance of the date didn’t hit me…. and I know the date well by now! I’m glad you learned something from this other than the horrible things I included…

  9. Trisha says:

    Well, now I gotta go look up the plastic surgery pics and the exploding penis story. And probably listen to Bon Jovi’s Wanted Dead Or Alive because it’s been playing in my head since I read the words dead or alive at the top of the post.

  10. draliman says:

    Quite a catchy song. For one terrible moment I thought you’d forgotten you’d already done the spin me round like a record baby song and were going to do it again.
    I’ve always wanted an exploding penis. Botox, you say…?

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