CHIP: Hey Fuzzy. What are you doing around here on a Monday?
FUZZYWIG: I could ask you the same question, Chipster. Besides, nothing ever gets posted here on Fridays anymore.
CHIP: I was wondering why I’ve actually started enjoying TGIF’s. But still… what are you up and about for?
FUZZYWIG: Haven’t you heard? I’m hosting the Dusty Vinyl Archive this week!
CHIP: You!?!? Why would they let you host one of this blog’s few popular features?
FUZZYWIG: Probably because it’s 4/20!
CHIP: Fuzzy, it’s the middle of August!
FUZZYWIG: It is? Hmmmmm, I musta lost track of time a few years ago…
SCRATCHY: What’s the meaning of this!?!? Who let the reefer addict on my set!?!?
FUZZYWIG: Calm down, Wildfire. I’m here to host the DVA this week.
SCRATCHY: Like hell you are!!! I’m the only one allowed to host the DVA! That’s why it has my name in the logo!
BOTH SPONKIES: And we help!
SCRATCHY: That’s right, because cheap child labor saves money in the budget for me to buy new rave outfits!
CHIP: I’m not sure this is the place for children. Isn’t it about time for school to start back up?
FUZZYWIG: Nah, let ’em stick around. This might be educational for them…
SCRATCHY: I am NOT letting you host MY SHOW!!!
FUZZYWIG: The Big Guy says otherwise.
SCRATCHY: I’m not afraid of him…
EVIL SQUIRREL: I could have sworn I just heard someone asking for Shelf latrine duty…
FUZZYWIG: You’re in big trouble now, toots!
SCRATCHY: Nah, I’ve got the boss wrapped around my little hoof. Especially after I sent him all of those selfies me and Mitz took in the little fillies room together… wink, wink!
ES: I didn’t get any photos from you.
SCRATCHY: Don’t act coy, Big Shot! (Gets out her cell phone) You know you and your nuts probably enjoyed scrolling through them…… oh, shit! I wound up sending them to Rainy by mistake!!! Damn touchscreens weren’t made for hooves!
ES: Looks like you’ll get your just desserts yet, Miss Sassy Mouth. Oh, and nobody smelling like skunk is allowed in the public showers. Now, let Fuzzy host today like I promised him and just maybe I’ll let Fleabag give you a bath with his tongue…….. IF you send me those pics, that is. See ya!
FUZZYWIG: Ha, ha!
SCRATCHY: I’ll just let you know I don’t like this one bit! OK, where is the song you want to play, dirtball?
FUZZYWIG: (Fumbling through his pockets) Ah, here it is!
SCRATCHY: Dafuq is this!?!?
FUZZYWIG: It’s called an 8 track, Trigger. You weren’t around, so you don’t know…
SCRATCHY: I know what an 8 track is, but I don’t have an 8 track player! Nobody has an 8 track player anymore!!!
CHIP: Ummmmm, pardon me interrupting. But can’t we find the song on YouTube?
FUZZYWIG: Wow, that’s so 21st century.
SCRATCHY: While I’m looking up this crappy song of yours online, will you at least give it a brief intro so that anyone still reading this can learn something? And tell the Best Boy Grip that we need the title card!
FUZZYWIG: Sure thing. Let’s see…. this song’s by Jonathan Edwards. You know, that hippie dude who did that tune about sunshine go away today. Well, that was his only actual hit… but he also did this excellent song that got some play on FM radio back in my day, and which obviously fits my laid back and mellow lifestyle.
CHIP: Oh dear, this is going to be awful….
FUZZYWIG: Nah, this is great! Here’s Jonathan Edwards’ 1971 song “Shanty”…
SCRATCHY: Hey, that’s a pretty high and far out song there! Well played, dude!
FUZZYWIG: Told you it was awesome! And like I said before….
SPONKIE 1: Am I doing this right, mister?
SPONKIE 2: Don’t bogart the good stuff, bro!
FUZZYWIG: It was very educational as well! I dub thee Generation 420!
CHIP: Now I see why we should only do Shelf Critter Theatre on Fridays. This is too fucked up for a Monday!
SCRATCHY: Lighten up, square! OK, I guess I have to thank you for guest hosting the DVA this week, Fuzzface.
FUZZYWIG: No problem, Mrs. Ed. Maybe you should reach out to the rest of us critters for songs more often.
SCRATCHY: Hmmmmmmm…. that might not be a bad idea after all.
MITZI: OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!! Does that, like, mean I can totally play my “Barbie Girl” cassette next Monday!?!?!?
SCRATCHY: (Stomping on the cassette with her hoof) This will be the first and LAST time any critter hijacks my precious DVA!!!!