Byte Me

a box full of junk

Are you ready to have your mind blown by utter and complete creative chaos?  That’s good, because it’s Wednesday, and it’s time for The Nest to leave our content up to the fates as we roll the virtual dice on another edition of Random Image Inspiration!  Since we don’t have a bottle, let’s spin the Randomator instead…

37, 38, 61, 40

The 37th post in my Reader was this one from The Matticus Kingdom.  My old school gang for the win!

The 38th word in that post is “generally”

The 61st word in that post is “so”

Putting “generally so” into Google Images brought this up as the 40th result…

I may as well move the Shelf Critter gang to Wednesdays….

VAL: (Chomping down in agony) OWWWW!!!!  What in the fuck is in these noodles anyway?  (Holding the side of her muzzle) Now I know why they call this shit “al dente.”  HEY WAITER!!!!  Yeah, you, you fuzzfaced piece of shit!  Get over here!!!

TROLL: I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t offer free refills on the tap water.

VAL: Look at this!!!

Val holds her hoof out in Troll’s face.

TROLL: Yes, ma’am.  I’d agree, that’s a pretty lousy manicure you got there…

VAL: Not that, you idiot!!  Look at this tiny piece of metal I just bit into!!!

TROLL: Oh.  Maybe I should ask if we’ll have to charge extra for that…

VAL: I just broke a tooth on your General Tso’s Surprise, and by the time my lawyer gets done suing the hell out of this place, I’ll have YOU scrubbing my toilet for the rest of your pathetic life!!!  (Throws her Bruce Lee bib on the table) I’m leaving!!!

TROLL: Uhm… ma’am!  You forgot to leave your server a tip!

Troll gets a middle finger instead of a tip.

TROLL: Hey boss, I need to show you something!

HUNG LO: You need to return to dining area before Hung Lo shows you pink slip.

TROLL: (Holds out hand) Look what some chick found in her food!

HUNG LO: Uhhhhh.  I’ve told chef about this!  He needs to be more careful when…. um…. preparing food.

TROLL: You mean, like, actually use a hairnet?

HUNG LO: No.  This is…

SLIDER: Excuse me, I’m from the Shelf Critter Humane Society.

HUNG LO: How inconvenient.  You here maybe for almost all you can eat buffet?

SLIDER: Sorry, this is a business call.  We’re tracking a lost dog, and according to this signal, he should be around here somewh….

Slider glances at what’s in Hung Lo’s hand.

SLIDER: Oh, I see you have the dog’s implanted tracking microchip!  That’s great!  So…. where’s the dog at?

HUNG LO: Where is dog at?  Uhhhhhh……. um…….. good question!

TROLL: I’ll let you know where he is when the lady who just ate here has me cleaning her toilet.

HUNG LO: (With a shit eating grin)  Errr, shall I entertain you with joke about man going to Bangkok?

SLIDER: Save it for the prosecutor during your plea bargain…


About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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14 Responses to Byte Me

  1. maybe the food should wear a hairnet?

  2. I’m going to guess that this very scenario (perhaps minus Buster’s demise at the end) plays out more than we want to know in Chinese restaurants. Those microchips can do more than micro damage to teeth I’m sure! Say – there have probably been a few “Busters” tossed in some won ton soup pots too………….


  3. draliman says:

    Oh no, poor doggy! I hope it wasn’t Fleabag. Never mind, if they have to cool it on the dogs until the heat dies down, there’s always Possum Surprise…

    • I can’t imagine Fuzzywig would have bothered to microchip Fleabag… especially since he’d love for Fleabag to get lost. It was probably some rich actress’ purse dog.

      Possum Surprise is a delicacy in several southern states, I believe…

  4. Well dang. There goes my plans to have Chinese for dinner. I really suspect that the local versions of Chinese ‘restaurants’ might actually use ‘mystery meat’ in their dishes…it would explain the inordinate amount of small dogs and cats that go missing, at least according to the huge number of flyers stapled to light poles around here. I wondered what that metal thing was. Well now I know. I wonder (a bit paranoid-ly I admit) when those things are going to start being implanted in people who don’t go along to get along…i.e. people like democrats or independents in Utah (republicans rule ’round here y’all. I’m NOT popular because of that either.) or people who find satire and making fun of government institutions and ‘hard working’ local businessmen, a worthy pass time. Ah well the best artists are never understood in their own time.

    • Microchipping probably costs a lot of money. It’s so much cheaper to just have all of the “resistance” liquidated instead and served in the soup kitchens.

      Hey waiter! There’s a pacemaker in my soup!

  5. Photofinland says:

    A Chinese restaurant…well here the police made a razzia in one of those restaurants and found a dead man on the sofa.
    Blue noodels look nice.

  6. Well one outa two isn’t so bad in the overall scheme of things, right?

  7. Trisha says:

    Lol! I should have know the “except Buster” was coming!

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