Child Labor

a box full of junk

If you’re a big fan of chaos theory, then you’ll love our Wednesday feature at The Nest we call Random Image Inspiration!  We’re gonna ask the Randomator to pick four numbers to give us a post, two search words, and an image the staff here has to make a post out of.  Sound like fun?  No?  Well, too bad, you’re already here, so you might as well read it.  Numbers please!

20, 74, 51, 84

The 20th post in my Reader was this one by Erin

The 74th word in that post is “can’t”

The 51st word in that post is “office”

That sounds like one of those memey type of phrases where nouns are illegally used as verbs…

“Phil, you’ve been at your desk for four hours now and haven’t done a damned thing!  What’s wrong?”

“Sorry, boss.  I just can’t office today.”

Oh, wait… we’re jumping the gun a a bit with the inspiration.  Sorry…

Putting “can’t office” into Google Images brought this up as the 84th result…

“What’s up with the new cubicles, Mr. Pencilneck?” Phil questioned, staring across the room from his work station.

“Those, Phil, are for our new employees!” Mr. Pencilneck beamed with pride as he looked at the rainbow monstrosity.

“New employees?  But I thought we were already fully staffed!”

“We are, Phil, we are.  Ah, here come some of our new hires now!”

A boy no older than ten rushes into the room, flailing a doll around by the arm.  In hot pursuit is a girl, maybe a couple years younger…

“Gimme my Slutz doll back you MEANIE!!!!”

The boy sticks his tongue out at the girl and throws the doll at her.

“These are kids!” Phil exclaimed, stating the obvious.

“Right!  And companies that want to stay on the cutting edge have to keep their workforce as youthful as possible.  Meet our new department head of IT and the new vice president of finance!”

“I wanna be the vice president of UNICORNS!” the girl pouted.

“You’re not only hiring children, but you’re promoting them over me!?!?” an exasperated Phil blurted out.

“Oh no, Phil, that wouldn’t do!  You see, to maintain the company’s competitive advantage, we not only need to bring in the young guns, but we need to make sure to consistently put our older employees……. well, out to pasture, so to speak.”

“Older employ….. dammit, I’m twenty-five!!!!” Phil shrieked.

“Wow, mister.  You sure are OLD!!!!” the boy…. er, department head of IT said as he jumped up and down on colorful furniture in his new work station.

“This is age discrimination!” Phil screamed as he pounded on his plain old desk.

“Now now, calm down Phil,” Mr. Pencilneck assured his now-former employee as he pressed the hidden button on his keychain for security.  “There’s plenty of work out there for seniors such as yourself.  Mecca is always hiring door greeters.  Mickey Dee’s would love the burger flipping skills you showed off at the last company picnic!”

“I won’t stand for this kind of treatment!  I’m too young to get put out on the streets like this!  You’ll be hearing from my attorney!”

Phil continued to rant and rave as a couple of middle school bullies just hired by the company as security came running in to drag Phil out to the back alley and roll him for his lunch money…

“Gosh!  Old people!” the IT boy said as he wiped a booger behind his cubicle.

“Yeah, I hope I never grow up!” the VP of Unicorns chimed in as she stated drawing on the walls with the White Out…


About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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11 Responses to Child Labor

  1. uiii that’s scary but true… I’m 50 now so close to be a mummy LOL

  2. Uh-oh…Human Resources is not gonna be happy about this.

  3. Sadly this isn’t that far from being on target……wonder if they will have a “Supervisor of Diaper Changing” or a “Nap Room”……..gosh, I already felt old but now I feel ancient!


  4. draliman says:

    Sounds like my office. Most of them are decades younger than me!

  5. randomlyerin says:

    Happy I could help…?

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