Hey, y’all! Happy Squirrel Awareness Month!!!
It’s time to share my crummy, lousy, no good and roly poly bug infested world with you all. Yeah, I’ve had better weeks… but like Billy Ocean once said, when the going gets tough, the tough get funny. And you know me, Fucking Hilarious is my middle name. It made for awkward times when I was in trouble as a kid and mom had to yell my full name out the door…
Anyway, this is the day I share my world with Melanie’s questions she provides every week. And apparently my lame attempts to start off each post with a funny picture actually paid off in last week’s SYW, ad Melanie actually used the fingerpainting boy who first appeared on my blog to mock sandwich bags to create this week’s entry in the SYW Logo a Go Go! It’s pretty nifty, don’t you think?
A hot mess, just like yours truly!
If confronted with a violent crime against a single individual in progress (severe beating, rape, assault) do you try to do something about it (phone authorities or confront the criminal, stop the crime) or do you figure it’s none of your business and walk or drive on by? Worse (to me) would you record the crime for social media use without doing anything else?
Well, since I don’t have a cell phone (Even the infamous flip phone of SCT propdom has been disconnected), that removes two of the options. I don’t know if any of us (unless we’ve actually been in the situation before) can honestly say what we would do if faced with coming across a serious act of violence that could possibly pose a threat to our own safety as well if we intervened…
So I have to ask that proverbial question I do every time I’m not sure of something. What would my Shelf critters do?
BUSTER: HELP! HELP!
TROLL: Holy Batman, Robin! That dude’s beating that possum with a bowling pin! What should I do!?!?
SNUGGLE: Well played, bro!
TROLL: If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em!
BUSTER: HELP!!!!
CHIP: Are you getting a good shot of this, Sponkie?
SPONKIE 2: You bet, boss!
BUSTER: HELP!!!!
CHIP: Sorry pal, I’m with the Shelf News Network, and I’m only here to observe and report on this breaking news event! Could you please turn your face a bit more towards the camera, Mr. Victim?
SNUGGLE: Cool! If it bleeds, it leads!
BUSTER: Oh thank goodness! Someone’s got a cellphone! Please, sir! Call the police at once to stop these attackers and save my life!!!!
MR. FOX: ……………………………………………
If someone asked to be your apprentice and learn all that you know, what would you teach them?
Could you imagine me trying to teach someone how to make a Shelf Critter Theatre episode? Actually, I already kinda did that, and the results were pretty awesome!
I will never unlearn this…
Other than that, any apprentice of mine would probably just learn how to stock shelves and sit around the house on their ass all day…
First think of a product.
Now, what would be the absolute worst brand name for one of those products?
What ridiculous and untrue, yet slightly plausible, theories can you come up with for the cause of common ailments like headaches or cavities?
Well, it isn’t ridiculous and untrue, but all of these annoying pains are obviously the cause of voodoo dolls. We may all have a guardian angel watching over us, but you can best believe we also all have a tribal shaman who looks upon us with glee and a whole box full of hat pins…
Looks like someone needs a mouth full of canker sores right about now…
If you’d like to, please share a photo or an example of gratitude that you have.
It can’t be a completely shitty week if I was able to take a picture of a rainbow last Wednesday morning…
They’re always so much brighter in person…
Evil Squirrel's Nest 
I laughed so hard as I read about the troll my first thought was, well he could jhoin the fun and he did… I’m a troll too… oh my…
Everyone wants to wail on the possum! It’s just so much fun…
Rainbows and charming squirrel poses can make even the worst week seem just. fine.
OMG! You just called squirrels charming! This week has really gotten better!
{snicker} Wondered it that’d register. Not that any of the ones in my hood are charming, but I do enjoy seeing yours.
Ooh, I hope my evil tribal shaman looks like her…
Wait, you don’t have a mobile phone at all now? How do you tweet photos of your lunch to the world?
She is the perfect woman for the masochist…
I’m sure my old phone could take a photo. I think there was a button to press that made the lens fold out like an accordion….
Thank you Evil Squirrel for taking that ‘serious’ question and flipping it to the humor side. Lampooning never hurts, does it? Just ask the immortal ‘Buster’ if you doubt that. Well he might say it hurt, in the moment I suppose. 😐 He is killed again and again and ad infinitum killed and yet there he is again, fresh and ready to kill AGAIN in subsequent episodes. Thanks Squirrel for Sharing Your Twisty World with everyone. You’ll gain fair credit for the finger painting child who loathes sandwich bags. So do the landfills, but well…um. Lost my focus there temporarily… Hey Fuzzywig?!? You SURE you didn’t cut this week’s batch of ‘good stuff’ with some oregano? Because it sure smells like an Italian eatery in here…
Er, Buster is ready to BE killed again. Kill again? What was I thinking? 😐 Poor Buster…
Buster’s been dying in my comics and SCt skits for so long, that it’s about all he knows how to do. If he ever lived through a scene, I’m not sure he’d be able to cope with such a departure from the norm…
Omg Evil, I’m trying to laugh quietly, which you know never goes well, at my desk.
You made my day with this post and that awesomely cute squirrel pic!
Thanks! It really makes me feel good to know I made someone laugh (and loud enough for others to possibly notice), so thank you for sharing that! Hopefully your strange co-workers don’t think you are…. well, strange!
Lol, they think of me more like scary not strange, but I’ll take that! 😂
Well done…….! Loved the tribal shaman thing – I’ve always thought that somewhere my face is on a voodoo doll and pins are being jabbed into various parts of my anatomy on a daily basis by some “entity” or person unknown. On the other hand, perhaps this aging thing is supposed to be this difficult and uncomfortable and it has nothing to do with voodoo???? Feels like pins sometimes though……….ouch.
Pam
I think our own personal voodoo doll gets more and more pins mysteriously stuck into it as we get older. I think mine is probably all pins now…. no place left to put another ache on my effigy!
Of course it would be Snuggle Bear victimizing helpless critters. Why am I not surprised? And Buster, of all critters?!? Hasn’t he already suffered enough?
Buster is a professional sufferer. And please, do NOT attempt his stunts at home!
Does that squirrel have floppy ears? Is this a new type of squirrel? This hasn’t been a great week for many of us. I feel your whatever you are feeling. Garry took his drugs and is unconscious.
Note: Should danger ever present itself, make sure you bring you menagerie with you.
A menagerie is always good to have anytime. Cuteness overcomes a lot of things…