The universal answer to everything… and the best way to drive a scorekeeper nuts every April 15th.
It’s time for The Nest to Share Its World…. or in other words, take a bunch of serious questions and stand them on their end while also farting in their general direction and blaming it on the possum. Actually, this week’s questions by Melanie are more of the kind that are just begging for a smartass answer. Does that make it more fun since the material itself is a bit fucked up, or less fun because I’m actually expected to be a jackass? Thankfully, that’s not one of the questions, because I’m not going to answer it…
Someone’s handing out globes on Halloween? Oh well, at least it isn’t those nasty ass poison pellets in the black and orange wrappers.
Had any good conversations with yourself lately? Did you listen to yourself? And how’d that work out for you?
Sorry, but I’m not so desperate for interaction that I’d actually talk to myself….
FUZZYWIG: Really, dude?
ME: Yes, really, Fuzzywig. Have you ever heard me talking to myself before?
FUZZYWIG: Maybe once or twice… talking to inanimate objects. I guess you could have been stoned. Someone around here’s been lifting from my stash…
ME: Oh, come on. Like anyone would take you seriously…
SNUGGLE: You fucking talk to yourself all the time, man! And people think I’m fucked up just because I want to sniff their laundry!
ME: You ARE fucked up, Snuggle Bear! Do you think I haven’t seen you exposing yourself to the little ones on the Shelf?
SNUGGLE: Yeah, whatever dude. When you’ve got it, flaunt it! But you, you’ve got issues!
ME: I am perfectly sane, I’ll have you know…
MITZI: Yooooohooooo!!! Can Mitzi, like, have her smoochies now?
ME: Maybe some other time, Mitz. These two clowns are trying to accuse me of talking to myself and it’s pissing me off!
MITZI: Mitzi, like, totally thinks it’s better to be pissed ON than pissed OFF!
ME: OK, Mitzi, that was really too much information there. I guess I’m going to have to put on some rubber gloves next time I pet you.
MITZI: You look so kyooooooot when you’re talking to your dollies like that!
ME: Talking to my…… dammit Mitzi, not you too! I do not talk to myself!!! I only speak when spoken to!!! I’m not……
ME: Oh geez, I had a feeling I was being watched from above. Well, do you have anything to say to me while I’m in a talkative mood?
MR. FOX: ………………..
ME: I thought so. Keep it that way, and let’ forget any of this ever happened….
What is gravity and how does it work?
Everyone knows gravity is a force of nature that pushes everything downward, but it also causes the aging process in humans. Gravity is to blame for our memory getting slushed down the brain stem and out of our asses. Hair loss can be blamed on gravity… those loose strands don’t go up, you know. Over time, gravity will eventually pull all of that ugly hair out of our heads and through our nose and ears. And of course, prolonged exposure to gravity causes extreme sagging in both the mammaries and testicles. I’m convinced we’d age much more slowly on the moon….
You can’t contain old man balls. You can only hope they don’t slip out…
What is more real – Mind or Matter?
Matter is always real. Mind never has to be real. Mind rules…
The Real Seal is quite overrated…
Should a vegetarian (or vegan) eat animal crackers?
Probably not. But they can feel good eating cow pies since they’re 100% plant-based material and certified organic!
Corn-fed beef for me, cow pies for you!
Name (describe) something you wouldn’t want to run into in a dark and deserted wood or alley.
Man-eating squirrels…
Hey, thanks for giving me the finger, dude!
Evil Squirrel's Nest 
oh you are right, animals crackers are a no-go now here ;O))) and to meet a man eating squirrel would be really horrible… they exist in this park of Františkovy Lázně… I screamed like an air raid siren as 87 or so jumped on me to get my popcorn :O)
Awwww, popcorn eating squirrels are so cute! Except when they accidentally get a finger or two in the process….
You talk to yourself, you don’t talk to yourself. It’s like you don’t know who you are! Man or squirrel? That is the question
I guess I’ll just have to keep asking myself until I get a sufficient answer to that…
Thanks for explaining hair loss to me……I’ve always wondered where all the hair goes. Just another insult that those of us of a certain age must endure. I think the guy in the undies at the beach needs to get out of the sun – obviously he’s had too much exposure (to the sun not from the suit of course). Mr. Squirrel with the delicious finger would be a good Halloween photo….wonder where the rest of the body is?!
Pam
I think the poor people at that beach have gotten too much exposure as well. Imagine having to explain that to the kids…
I can’t say where the rest of that body is… I’d never snitch on a fellow squirrel!
The photo of the droopy drawers guy won’t disappear from my mind for a long time.
My deep, deep apologies for that visual trauma….
Easy for you to say. I’m going to have to see a counselling. 😉
Counsellor. See, now I can’t even smell. Er, spell. 😉
Excellent photo how the gravity works. I saw an article that we can fight against gravity by standing upside down, on the head every day Never tried.
If we stood on our heads, then gravity would work the other way and old people would get hit in the face by their other parts…
No worth trying.
IMHO, animal crackers aren’t tasty enough to deal with their calories. Plus they taste like doo-doo.
Well, they certainly do when they’re dipped in cow pies…
They’re like all baby food, mushy and tasteless.
Thanks E.S. for providing us fodder for Share Your World…but dude. Some things can’t be unseen, so perhaps bare that in mind the next time you’re tempted to flash us some old man balls. (I fell off my chair laughing at that description btw….I’ve SEEN those things, and yeah. All you can do is hope they don’t fall out…) BWAHAHAHHA!! 😐
I once shared a hospital room with an 80 year old man. On a rare instance when he was up and about and not crying to the nurse every five minutes for a pain shot, he bent over to pick something up on the floor, and I noticed something dropping out of the bottom of his gown. What the heck is that…… oh shit! Ewwwwwww!!!! Scarred for life. At least the dude I found on the internet is turned to the back!
What is seen cannot be unseen. Yikes.
Must think of cute possums…. lots and lots of cute possums….
Oh boy, seeing that photo of the old geezer on the beach makes me yearn for that photo of the box of hideous possum babies…
I knew I would warm you up to the box of possums eventually….
Speaking of vicious squirrels, we had almost a dozen of them on the deck today. I think they were closing in on us! If they ever get vicious, we are goners!
I have a picture of six of them at one time in my yard. I’ve seen them in slightly larger groups… all chasing each other in a free for all around a tree. Just keep feeding them to stay on their good side…