It’s time for The Nest to Share Its World…. or in other words, take a bunch of serious questions and stand them on their end while also farting in their general direction and blaming it on the possum. Actually, this week’s questions by Melanie are more of the kind that are just begging for a smartass answer. Does that make it more fun since the material itself is a bit fucked up, or less fun because I’m actually expected to be a jackass? Thankfully, that’s not one of the questions, because I’m not going to answer it…
Had any good conversations with yourself lately? Did you listen to yourself? And how’d that work out for you?
Sorry, but I’m not so desperate for interaction that I’d actually talk to myself….
FUZZYWIG: Really, dude?
ME: Yes, really, Fuzzywig. Have you ever heard me talking to myself before?
FUZZYWIG: Maybe once or twice… talking to inanimate objects. I guess you could have been stoned. Someone around here’s been lifting from my stash…
ME: Oh, come on. Like anyone would take you seriously…
SNUGGLE: You fucking talk to yourself all the time, man! And people think I’m fucked up just because I want to sniff their laundry!
ME: You ARE fucked up, Snuggle Bear! Do you think I haven’t seen you exposing yourself to the little ones on the Shelf?
SNUGGLE: Yeah, whatever dude. When you’ve got it, flaunt it! But you, you’ve got issues!
ME: I am perfectly sane, I’ll have you know…
MITZI: Yooooohooooo!!! Can Mitzi, like, have her smoochies now?
ME: Maybe some other time, Mitz. These two clowns are trying to accuse me of talking to myself and it’s pissing me off!
MITZI: Mitzi, like, totally thinks it’s better to be pissed ON than pissed OFF!
ME: OK, Mitzi, that was really too much information there. I guess I’m going to have to put on some rubber gloves next time I pet you.
MITZI: You look so kyooooooot when you’re talking to your dollies like that!
ME: Talking to my…… dammit Mitzi, not you too! I do not talk to myself!!! I only speak when spoken to!!! I’m not……
ME: Oh geez, I had a feeling I was being watched from above. Well, do you have anything to say to me while I’m in a talkative mood?
MR. FOX: ………………..
ME: I thought so. Keep it that way, and let’ forget any of this ever happened….
What is gravity and how does it work?
Everyone knows gravity is a force of nature that pushes everything downward, but it also causes the aging process in humans. Gravity is to blame for our memory getting slushed down the brain stem and out of our asses. Hair loss can be blamed on gravity… those loose strands don’t go up, you know. Over time, gravity will eventually pull all of that ugly hair out of our heads and through our nose and ears. And of course, prolonged exposure to gravity causes extreme sagging in both the mammaries and testicles. I’m convinced we’d age much more slowly on the moon….
What is more real – Mind or Matter?
Matter is always real. Mind never has to be real. Mind rules…
Should a vegetarian (or vegan) eat animal crackers?
Probably not. But they can feel good eating cow pies since they’re 100% plant-based material and certified organic!
Name (describe) something you wouldn’t want to run into in a dark and deserted wood or alley.