The Business

a box full of junk

Hold out your hands and close you eyes, I’m going to give you a big surprise!  Actually, it’s going to be a big surprise to me as well, since this is Wednesday and that means we’re letting the fickle finger of fate direct this morning’s post.  Welcome to another completely chaotic version of Random Image Inspiration!  We can’t do this without the Randomator picking us some completely made up numbers now, so let’s fire this mother up…

7, 100, 65, 92

The 7th post in my Reader was this one by Pam

The 100th word in that post is “here’s”

The 65th word in that post is “to”

Putting “here’s to” into Google Images brought this up as the 92nd result…

NIGEL: Left leg forward…. now look just a tad to the right.  Yes!  Hold it!  (snap!) Perfect!

ARIEL: Can we please turn the giant fan off now, Nigel?  I’m freezing in this dress!

NIGEL: Just one more….. (snap!)  magnifique!  We’re done with the shoot now, Miss Ariel!  You have been a pleasure to work with as always!

ARIEL: I know, I know.

NIGEL: I just need to get these proofs to my graphic designer for proper Photoshopping…

ARIEL: There’s no need to touch up photos of supermodel Ariel!  I’m a natural beauty.

NIGEL: Now, now, Miss Ariel… you’ve been in the business long enough to know how the game is played.

ARIEL: I suppose there is a beauty mark or two that could be removed… but otherwise, my skin is completely flawless!

NIGEL: And that’s the issue, Miss Ariel.  With all the outcry from women about how models are setting an impossible standard of beauty… I’m afraid we’re going to have to make you look more “real” in the magazines.

ARIEL: What are you talking about, Nigel!?!?  You had best not mar my pristine image!

NIGEL: We won’t change much I promise you, dear!  We’ll just add a little flab to your forearms…

ARIEL: You wouldn’t DARE!!!!

NIGEL: …and a few lines below the eyes.  Maybe add a touch of yellow to your teeth…

ARIEL: Nigel, this isn’t funny anymore….

NIGEL: Oh, and those breasts.  At your age, they really should be drooping a bit, don’t you think?

ARIEL: I’m TWENTY-NINE for crying out loud!!!!!

NIGEL: Yeah, sure.  I know how that works.  Oh, and it’ll be nothing for our crack visual effects guy to throw in a few varicose veins and some toe fungus…

ARIEL: This is an OUTRAGE!!!  I work my tail off maintaining this perfect body, and you… you want to…..

NIGEL: Sorry, Miss Ariel, but the new world conscience demands a more realistic take on beauty.  I’m afraid this will be your last shoot as a supermodel for our magazine.

ARIEL: But… but!!!

NIGEL: Ah, right on time!  Miss Ariel, meet your replacement, Marge!

MARGE: Howdy.

ARIEL: You’re replacing me with some middle aged cow with a double chin and a unibrow!?!?

NIGEL: Yes!  Isn’t progress wonderful?

MARGE: (Burp!) Mind if I hit the catering table?

NIGEL: Sure, help yourself!  Ariel never eats anything from it anyway…

ARIEL: I quit!!!!

Three hours later….

NIGEL: Thank you so much for modeling for us, Miss Marge.  Our readership will be so thrilled to see a real woman wearing one of our lovely dresses!

MARGE: (Talking with her mouth full) Don’t mention it, sugar.  Can I see how the pictures turned out?

NIGEL: Absolutely!  Don’t you look gorgeous?

MARGE: Wow, I (burp!) don’t even recognize myself!

NIGEL: That’s the power of Photoshop, my dear!  It makes reality look so much more pleasing to the eye, don’t you think?

About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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18 Responses to The Business

  1. ha that was the real version of the devil wears prada ;O)

  2. On behalf of ‘older’ women with double chins everywhere, I’m just glad ‘our’ time has finally arrived. And if Ariel is so cold, why aren’t her headlights on? REAL women would have headlights… just sayin’.

  3. Brutally honest Evil, but nonetheless it had to be said, lol.

  4. Photoshop…the bane of digital photography.

  5. HA! Glad Marge got the job………anyone can look great these days thanks to photoshop. Glad our post came up in the RANDOMATOR!

    Pam

  6. Aww. Poor Ariel. The trials and tribulations of the beautiful people … 😉

  7. draliman says:

    Huh. When I Googled “here’s to” I didn’t get any pictures of beautiful women whatsoever. What a swizz.

    • It’s funny the woman came up at all since almost all of the 91 images before her were either memes or pictures of alcoholic beverage toasts. The Randomator knows how to get the good images out of Google that everyone else can’t…

  8. mydangblog says:

    Being beautiful is a hard job–one I know nothing about, lol!

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