Sign Here Please

a box full of junk

Are you ready for one of your favorite regular features that’s guaranteed not to be pre-empted by the impeachment of the century?  It’s time for The Nest’s weekly fishing expedition we like to call Random Image Inspiration!  Let’s let the Randomator do a little testifying now…

4, 15, 95, 69

As soon as I saw how low the first number was, I knew this was gonna happen….

The 4th post in my Reader was this one by River Girl

The 15th word in that post is “mind”

The 95th word in that post is “rocks” (HA!)

Did you know there was a youth summit held in India called Mind Rocks?  Well, you do now thanks to the Randomator.

Putting “mind rocks” into Google Images brought a generic banner for the festival up for the 69th image, so I trudged on to #70, which was this more lively image…

It’s time for another mini episode of Shelf Critter Theatre!

SNOWBALL: What do you have there, Heddy?

HEDDY HEDGEHOG: It’s my autograph book!  I’m such a fangirl of Shelf Critter Theatre, and since we’re on the Shelf today, I was hoping I’d get some autographs of my favorite stars!

SNOWBALL: Are you sure that’s safe?  I thought you were supposed to contact law enforcement if a Shelf critter approached you.

HEDDY: It’ll be a blast, girlfriend!  Oh, look!  I think he’s a critter!  Excuse me, sir!  But do you happen to be an actor on SCT?

FUZZYWIG: And people think I’ve smoked my mind down the toilet.  Yeah, I’ve maybe had a cameo or two in an episode.  I’m sure it’s hard to see me through the lingering smoke.

HEDDY: Would you like to sign my autograph book?  Please!?!?

FUZZYWIG: Yeah, sure.  Why not.  This is too phony to be one of those undercover stings the narcs pull.  Let me have that marker there, and….

FUZZYWIG: Gnarly, man!  I never knew huffing Sharpie ink could get you a cheap high!

SNOWBALL: This is just a bit too disturbing for me.

HEDDY: OMG!  Thank you so much!!!  Look!  There’s another critter!

HEDDY: Can I have your autograph, Miss Rainy?

RAINY: What?  You want me to sign your book?  Oh, this is so exciting!  Someone out there actually loves me!  I would be absolutely honored to sign your book for you!!!

HEDDY: YAY!

RAINY: You just need to make it rain first!

SNOWBALL: Always a catch…

HEDDY: Gosh, Miss Rainy!  I know how much you want to capture some rain…. oh wait!  Can I take a selfie with your precious rain gauge!?!?

RAINY: Absolutely NOT!!!  And the rain I want is MONEY!  I figure my autograph is worth ten bucks… now cough it up!

HEDDY: But I’ve already spent my allowance, and…

RAINY: Just as I thought, a couple of deadbeats!  You two are just like every other critter on this damned Shelf!  So I’m going to treat you just like I do everyone else…

HEDDY: OMG!  We just got sprayed by THE Rainy!!!  (Gets out a hanky) I’m sopping this up and selling it on eBay!

SNOWBALL: I need to start choosing my BFF’s more wisely…

Both BFF’s suddenly feel a fuzzy paw where it doesn’t belong….

SNUGGLE: Hey there, cuties!  You chicks must be new in town!  Want Uncle Snuggie to give you both a guided tour of my bedroom?

SNOWBALL: I haven’t been fondled like this since my last experience at airport security.

HEDDY: Mr. Snuggle Bear!  Can we have your autograph? (Holds up her book)

SNUGGLE: Of course you can, Toots!  But not on paper.  Naw, I prefer to give out autographs the rock star way!

HEDDY: Ooooh, that tickles!

SNUGGLE: Hold still!  I need to dot the “i” on the crack!

SNOWBALL: This is not unseeable.

SNUGGLE: (Turns to Snowball) How about you, baby?  Maybe a little “Thanks for the mammaries” across your rack?

SNOWBALL: (Covers up her chest) I’m good, thanks.  I’m just here to observe.

HEDDY: Holy crapola!!!  It’s Buster!!!

BUSTER: Wow!  Usually only the embalmer is this excited to see me!

SNOWBALL: I think my friend would like your autograph.

BUSTER: Gee, I’ve never been asked for my autograph before!  Shall I sign a copy of one of my death certificates for you?

HEDDY: Naw, the book will be fine!

BUSTER: Splendid!  Let me see if I can remember how to spell my name….

HEDDY: Oh no!  Are you alright?

BUSTER: I think so.  Just a small paper cut I got when I picked up your book.  I think it only pierced my aorta, so I should be just fine…..

SNOWBALL: Looks like you’re collecting more bodily fluids than autographs, Heddy.

BLOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ZEEBA: Yeah!  Bleed to death you stupid possum!  Bleed!  Bleeeeeeeeed!!!!!!!!!

BEARCAT: Howdy, folks!

HEDDY: Oh, I love your sister Zeeba!!!  Do you think I could get her….

Zeeba starts jumping up and down on the book screaming her favorite chant….

ZEEBA: BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD!

BEARCAT: Silly Zeeba!  Now you’ve got bloody hoofprints all over their nice autograph book!

SNOWBALL: This is revolting.

HEDDY: This is so cute!!!  I love this little dynamo!

ZEEBA: Everyone loves Zeeba!!!  Cuz Zeeba loves BLOOD!!!!!  BLOOD!!!!!!!!!!!

BEARCAT: Settle down, Sis!  We hafta go now!  It’s almost time for Baby Shark Eats the Teletubbies on YukTube.

HEDDY: This has been great so far!

SNOWBALL: We need to never visit the Shelf again.

HEDDY: OH!!!  Snowy, LOOK!!!!  It’s my favorite critter of them all!!!!!!!!!!!!

SNOWBALL: Who are you talking abou…… oh my!  I see him too!!!!

HEDDY: Now aren’t you glad we came here!  We need to go meet him!

SNOWBALL: Yes!  I just might wet myself!

HEDDY: Yoohoo!  Excuse me, sir!!!  Can we have your autograph?

SHADOW: My autograph?  You want me to sign something of absolutely no value to anyone?  Hmmmmm, I guess I can accommodate your request, being the extremely humble critter that I am.  I know I have legions of fans out there who adore my handsome good looks, my eloquent lines, my Oscar worthy acting, my flawless performances…..

SHADOW: …my superior intellect, my…. um…. where are you ladies going?

HEDDY: Please, please, Mr. Fox!!!!!  Just one autograph for you biggest fan!!!!

SNOWBALL: Oh, I’m a much bigger fan of your work than she is, Mr. Fox!!!  Please sign my cellphone case!!!

SHADOW: This can not seriously be happening.  I am getting passed over for adoration by……. THAT odious creature!?!?

HEDDY AND SNOWBALL: Pleeeeeeease sign for me!!!  What do you say, Mr. Fox!?!?!?!?

MR. FOX: ……………………………………

HEDDY: Squeeeee!!!!  I’ll never wash this paw again!!!

SNOWBALL: Now I know what my grandma felt like when she met Weird Al for the first time!!!

About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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19 Responses to Sign Here Please

  1. HAHAHAHA……now maybe I haven’t paid CLOSE attention these years of watching the Theater Performances but are those two chicks new? At any rate, I think they might have received more than they gave there on the theater set. Nothing is more random than the Shelf.

    Pam

    • I intentionally chose those two because they hadn’t appeared in an episode before since I needed a couple of starstruck critters. I’ve had them both for a while. Maybe someday Heddy and Snowball will be the ones signing the autographs for adoring fans…

      • Wouldn’t surprise me – although now that Snuggle has “had his way” with them, you may be busy in the Shelf Maternity Ward helping out soon…….EEEEEK!

  2. Rivergirl says:

    Rocks! Now what were the odds it would pick that word?
    (pretty damn high I’d say!)

  3. Surely Snowball is too innocent to hang with the regular shelf riff-raff?

  4. ghostmmnc says:

    Snowball & Heddy 🙂 They are cute – are they new? ( I like how you marked on the paper autograph book for the critters)

    • This was each of their debut appearances, but I’ve had them both for about a year or two. Hard to believe there’s still some critters on my shelf I haven’t used before. It was a pain to keep marking on the book in each picture, but I wanted to keep that gag as consistent as possible!

  5. The impeachment is going to run right into the debate. Garry say we need an hour of someone blowing up something in between. I thought maybe we could just eat dinner.

    • If I ever watched TV anymore, I think I’d be upset. I still hold it against our local NBC station for preempting The Tonight Show for about a month straight for extended coverage of the Flood of 1993. Yeah, there was water everywhere…. we already knew that!

  6. hahahaha! and I like that the fox said ……… instead of ringedingdingwhatever…

  7. draliman says:

    I didn’t know we could visit backstage. Sign me up! I’ll start with Mitzi…

  8. noelleg44 says:

    Much more entertaining than the mind-numbing, banal impeachment hearings.

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