Shelf Critter Advent Calendar – Day 3

The Nest is counting down the days until Christmas with its unique blend of both cute and utterly fucked up.  It’s time to take down the next number in our Shelf Critter Advent Calendar for 2019!  Let’s see who’s on third…

Oh, geez.  If it isn’t the Shelf’s official sleazeball for life, Uncle Sam.

UNCLE SAM: That’s “Mr. President” to you, son.

Yeah, um, whatever.  Well, since you’re here, maybe you could tell us what Christmas means to you.

SAM: Make sure the major networks are all preempting their regular programming, because it’s nationally televised speech time!

SAM: Christmas to me means only one thing….. Amurrica!!!  Celebrating the Christmas season is as American as apple pie and my new Kia.  Christmas is stores stuffed to the gills with customers helping to prop up the economy by buying a bunch of foreign made shit that they don’t need.  Christmas is nativity scenes at City Hall and children sitting on Jesus’ lap to tell Him what they want under the tree.  Christmas is a time to deport any infidel who tells you “Happy Holidays!”  What’s more, Christmas is a time to stop and reflect on peace, love and goodwill towards each other….. and pay no attention to all that impeachment nonsense going on right now.  Christmas is….

(Pulling the plug on Sam’s microphone) Alright, I think that’s about enough of Christmas from the capital… where finding a virgin and three wisemen is virtually impossible.

About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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16 Responses to Shelf Critter Advent Calendar – Day 3

  1. ha… we bet that is the same what christmas means to macaron too…

  2. Uncle Sam pretty much nails it when describing Christmas in ‘murrica. Sadly.

  3. I’d say it’d take a Christmas miracle to find a virgin and three wisemen in D.C., but the amount of asses and sheep? Overwhelming!

  4. draliman says:

    Ah yes, as American as a Kia… Uncle Sam has Christmas nailed.

    • I like how so many of our “Made in the USA” products have the disclaimer “from foreign and domestic components.” It might as well just say most of the profits are going straight to China…

  5. HAHA! And I thought only me and my boys said Amurrica (funny haha, mocking not in a serious way)! Classic!

  6. He’s not the brightest Christmas bulb on the tree BUT he is our “Prezdent” – that used to mean something but these days – well – not. ONWARD to Day Four!

  7. Trisha says:

    Sadly, Uncle Sam has Christmas in Amurrica mostly right. Thank you for pulling the plug on him!

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