It’s time to let chaos and entropy do it thing in the virtual world with another post we’ll write from a photo that gets pulled out of Google’s bunghole. Yep, that can only happen in Random Image Inspiration… our little Wednesday exercise in creativity we engage in at The Nest. This week the Randomator outdid itself in pulling probably the most….. well, random word pairing yet to use as Google bait…
34, 100, 61, 38
The 34th post in my Reader was this one by Melanie
The 100th word in that post is “uplifts”
The 61st word in that post is “suspect”
Putting “uplifts suspect” into Google Images brought this up as the 38th result…
NAME: RICHARD WAYNE BONER
NICKNAME: Big Dick
D.O.B. – June 9, 1999 (Or September 6, 1999 if seen outside of the States)
HEIGHT: Yay tall
WEIGHT: Fat
DISTINGUISHING MARKS: Small scar over left testicle, mole on right nipple, unicorn tattoo on shaved chest
WANTED FOR: First degree douchebaggery, misdemeanor prickishness, felony assault with deadly breath
HEINOUS CRIMES ACCUSED OF: Embarrassing family by posting X rated memes on Facebook account, pocketing all of the napkins from Burger King dispenser, failure to use turn signal in ’87 Yugo… ever, not picking up canine accomplice’s excrement off sidewalk, having the middle name “Wayne” like every serial killer ever, using the Baby Shark song as a ringtone
IF SPOTTED: DO NOT APPROACH! Suspect is considered an asshat and is extremely lame. Contact the proper authorities immediately… preferably the SWAT team, who could use some free target practice.
REWARD: There is a reward of 59 cents currently in a GoFundMe account for any information leading to a successful conviction
Please keep this notice posted on the post office lobby wall until suspect is apprehended, or the employee restroom runs out of toilet paper.
Evil Squirrel's Nest 
This guy needs more than an “uplift” – he needs a facelift……one ear bigger than the other…..nose goes one way and lips another…..maybe banging his head on the wall of his jail cell did some damage? Oh – and minus 10 points for uneven shave – probably when he bent over to pick up the soap in the shower while shaving he was – er – um – distracted??????
Pam
Oh, that would be a good way to cut off a lip if he were shaving while having a surprise O moment. Gotta blame the nickname, though… I mean, a guy who calls himself Big Dick is probably going to be pretty popular in the ol’ Big House…
I used to date a guy whose name for himself was “Big Dick” (or biggus dickus). Huh. Funny that, he doesn’t look the same….. 😐 “My” dick was as described above, plus expected certain *ahem* privileges of intimacy, but didn’t think washing said dick nor the ‘boys’ was mandatory before the privilege was received. All that is no doubt TMI. But it horrifies me greatly to think “my’ dick procreated. If so, there truly is no god.
We can add skunky balls to his lift of crimes against humanity. Every bowling alley I’ve ever been in has a ball washing machine, maybe someone should have introduced him to it…
Good one! Nice to get something with real meaning.
I’m still working on what I can do to feed the squirrels which might convince them to NOT eat the birdseed and also might be better nourishment for them. if the deck were just a bit bigger, it would be easy, but it’s only 12 feet square … not enough distance. But there has to be a way to get them the food they need and not the food they don’t really need. They need chunkier food and nuts rather than seeds.
That’s why I think we are the ONLY people feeding wildlife in the area because they all come here. If they had a choice, wouldn’t they go elsewhere where the food was better?
I don’t know what kind of nut harvest the trees in your area had, but here they seemed all quite plentiful. There are some years that the trees don’t produce much, if any, in the way of nuts… and with the gypsy moth issue you had a few years ago, maybe the trees around your home aren’t providing the squirrels with enough. Either that or they just love the stuff you buy…
59 cents? what a bargain…. we will look for him
59 cents? what a bargain…. we will look for him
That will buy you the little tubs of ice cream… the same size ones as a Keurig pod.
Trust us, if we encounter this guy, we’ll leave skid marks.
That will just match the perp’s tighty whiteys then…
I reckon I could take him (in a non-sexual way). “Small scar over left testicle” will be the least of his worries.
Hang on, is this a real mugshot? Could he be reading this? Uh oh.
Don’t worry, you might have scared him off. Does he really want to risk scarring the other testicle just to call your bluff…
Uplift and suspect. Two words that shouldn’t go together but are probably being worked into law here in loony Washington State right now.
Maybe the suspects in prison will now be provided with taxpayer funded myrrh-ihuana to uplift their spirits…
It wouldn’t surprise me!
Middle name: Wayne. Love it!
The infamous middle name of serial killers and squirrel bloggers everywhere!