Shelf Critter Advent Calendar – Day 6

It’s time to get our perv on take a peek behind the private doors of the world’s most fucked up Christmas toy, the Shelf Critter Advent Calendar!  Like Clark Griswold, today we’re going to be looking for sechs…

Well, if it isn’t The Nest’s homepony, DJ Scratchy.  Maybe today’s entry will actually be hip and fresh rather than corny and stale…

SCRATCHY: As if your lame ass could handle my hip and fresh side, loser! (Tries to put hoof up to her forehead in an L sign, but gives up)

I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me?

SCRATCHY: Sigh, like I said….

Alright, we need to get on with the holiday business at hand.  So Scratchy, tell us what Christmas means to you…

SCRATCHY: Dafuq you think Christmas means to me!?!?!?

SCRATCHY: It’s MUZAK, baby!

Good lord, you actually like Christmas music?

SCRATCHY: Dude, I’m not talking about the musical diarrhea they play in that retail hellhole you work at!  I’m talking about the good shit!  The kinda jams that would make Burl Ives choke on his silver and gold!  Your Chrimmas Muzak education starts now….

SCRATCHY: And the only thing worse than Christmas without mistletoe is not getting to hear the most awesome Christmas song of all…

About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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18 Responses to Shelf Critter Advent Calendar – Day 6

  1. I truly do lead a sheltered life…..none of those are familiar…..talk about eclectic holiday music though – these certainly fit the bill! Do you think that’s Elton’s hair for real – hard to tell – he has a rather extensive hair wardrobe but that’s an old video…..

    Pam

    • I’m not sure what parts of Elton were real and what was Memorex, but I also don’t think I’d want to delve too much into that. He certainly knew how to…. dress to impress, though.

  2. beth says:

    I’m really enjoying your advent calendar adventure series

  3. oh man DJ scratchy you egg-sactly know what chistmess muzak means, we love sir eltons song… why they play this awful sh*tty last christmess instead of real good muzak? the people would fill their carts much faster with the fast song from elton, than with the lame rheumatic tunes by george m.

    • They’ve been playing Elton at Mecca for a few years now. it’s good that not all classic rock artists make horrible Christmas songs like, oh, Paul McCartney. I’ll listen to Wham a million times before I want to ever hear Wonderful Christmastime again….

  4. The Waitresses should return to … well, I’m not sure I would want them in a restaurant, either. 😉

  5. Ugh, I hated that group (The Waitresses) especially their stupid song “I Like What Boys Like”……a phonic catastrophe of epic proportions. But Sir Elton I like, hell I’ll take Porky Pig over the Waitresses. DJ Scratchy is awesome!

    • Hey, we actually disagree on an artist! I love “I Know What Boys Like,” and it’s probably on the short list for the DVA when I start that up again. But I can get why other people would think it’s hideous… especially from the cheesy video.

  6. Porky Pig is the best! I have been waiting for Mitzi,but then I realized who is in the most important day, of course Lady Mitzi, the queen of Christmas, and everything else.

  7. draliman says:

    I know the Waitresses’ song very well, but have never heard of them. It’s also the only music video I’ve ever seen in which nobody could be bothered to look like they’re singing…

    • That’s because the uploader “made” the video by cobbling together the band’s other two videos for their songs and a few live performances. I guess they didn’t make an official video for Christmas Wrapping, which is too bad since “I Know What Boys Like” (Which is where most of the scenes come from) is classic early 80’s low budget cheese…

  8. Oh man, DJ…normally we groove on your tunes but your holiday selections fell just a titch short (though the Waitresses were semi-groovy). But as always we’re super impressed by your ‘muzak’ knowledge and diversity.

  9. Thank you DJ Scratchy for Porky Pig’s Blue Christmas. OMG I almost peed my pants that was so funny. You’re the best Scratchy.

    • That is the best. I remember first hearing it on the radio Christmas morning 1986… and I know the year because that was the Christmas I got a tape recorder. I had a ball recording music off the radio and random stuff going on around the house….

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