Are you having a holly jolly Christmas? If so, then The Nest will be sure to put a damper on your holiday roll with another depressing peek behind a door in our Shelf Critter Advent Calendar! Today is the 15th, so beware the Ides of December…
Well, if our presence isn’t blessed with the one and only narcissist umbreon Shadow. Geez, they couldn’t even fit his pointy ears inside of the door…
SHADOW: I can hear you quite clearly out there, pitiful human. DO NOT MOCK ME!!!
Well, since you’re such a font of lofty knowledge, why don’t you enlighten us cretins about what Christmas means to you?
SHADOW: Christmas? You mean that silly tradition you terrestrial critters (doing Dr. Evil air quotes) “celebrate” each year where you all go into debt for the zero sum game of reciprocity, all while stressing yourselves out to the maximum while also calling it the most wonderful time of the year? You mean that Christmas?
Well, if we aren’t full of cynicism and sarcasm on this joyous occasion. Get into the spirit, Shadow! Look, we all chipped in to get you a stocking this year!
SHADOW: Despite my warning, you continue to mock me! This is why I try to limit my exposure to lesser beings such as yourself.
Isn’t it cute?
SHADOW: It most certainly is not. It looks hideous, and you will remove it from the chimney with care AT ONCE!
But Shadow, don’t you know we lesser beings like to put gifts and treats in stockings? You should see what’s inside yours… that part of the joy of the holiday!
MITZI: Like, Merry Christmas and a happy Yul Brenner to you!
SHADOW: Get this dimwitted bimbo out of my stocking immediately!!! Or I’ll…… uhmmm…..
MITZI: Awsies! Like, is that a Pikachu in your pocket, or are you just totally happy to see Mitzi? Want me to sit on your lap while I lick your candy cane?
SHADOW: I’m getting that strange feeling inside of my Pokeballs again…. could I please have the lump of coal instead?
Sorry, naughty boy. No refunds or exchanges….