Shelf Critter Advent Calendar – Day 16

It’s getting closer and closer to Christmas!  That can only mean that our peeks behind the curtain of the Shelf Critter Advent Calendar are getting even more and more disturbed and demented.  I would be willing to bet that what’s behind Door 16 is anything but sweet…

Oh no, it’s those annoying brats, the Squirrel Children!  Shouldn’t your asses be in school right now?

SQUIRREL CHILD 1: Haven’t you looked out the window, mister?

CHILD 2: It’s snowing!

CHILD 3: A whole inch!


You’ve got to be kidding me!  Back in my day, we walked to school in ten inches of snow….

CHILD 4: We know… uphill, both ways!

LITTLEST: You’re as full of shit as our Dad!

Who in the fuck taught you kids that kind of language?  Well, I might as well go ahead and ask… what does Christmas mean to you squirrel kids?

CHILD 1: Playing with all our cool toys Santa brings us!

CHILD 2: This Robofox is awesome!!!

CHILD 3: I’m so glad I asked Santa for it!

CHILD 4: Liar!  I’m the one who asked for this!

LITTLEST: It’s my turn to press the button!!!  Or I’m telling Mommy!!!!

SQUIRREL DAD: The kids sure seem to be enjoying their new toy!

SQUIRREL MOM: It’s giving me a migraine.

SQUIRREL DAD: Well, I guess I could remove the batteries when they’re not looking.

SQUIRREL MOM: It would be so much easier to just murder them all and bury their bodies beneath the crawlspace.

SQUIRREL DAD: Don’t you think that’s a bit extreme dear?  I mean, they are our precious offspring.

SQUIRREL MOM: I’ll let you make more.

SQUIRREL DAD: I’ll go get the shovel…


About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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14 Responses to Shelf Critter Advent Calendar – Day 16

  1. oh my what a fab christmas!!!

  2. HAHAHA…..Mom and Dad Squirrel seem to have things under control in that household (or is it treehold??!!).


  3. Your Christmas tales are somehow different from the traditional ones. This tale shows how there is different solutions to solve problem.

  4. Funny how some peeps feel the same way about the neighborhood vandal. 😈

  5. And art imitates life once again. I BET the squirrel parents aren’t the only ones wishing to murder their offspring through the long winter’s break from school. Another in the long list of reasons why I never procreated. The result wouldn’t have had a prayer and they’d NEVER have found the body either…. 😉 .

  6. draliman says:

    Life is cheap on the Shelf…

  7. Trisha says:

    LOL! Well, that isn’t where I expected that story to go! I guess my imagination just isn’t dark enough to think like Squirrel Mom. I don’t quite want to murder my youngest yet, although it’s tempting to throw all his shit out on the lawn and change the locks!

  8. Wow, those kids are just eager to cause some serious damage aren’t they? lol

  9. Quirky Girl says:

    Wow, I had no idea squirrel mommies and daddies could be such heartless critters! I’ll never look at another squirrel the same after this 😛

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