It’s getting closer and closer to Christmas! That can only mean that our peeks behind the curtain of the Shelf Critter Advent Calendar are getting even more and more disturbed and demented. I would be willing to bet that what’s behind Door 16 is anything but sweet…
Oh no, it’s those annoying brats, the Squirrel Children! Shouldn’t your asses be in school right now?
SQUIRREL CHILD 1: Haven’t you looked out the window, mister?
CHILD 2: It’s snowing!
CHILD 3: A whole inch!
ALL CHILDREN: SNOW DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You’ve got to be kidding me! Back in my day, we walked to school in ten inches of snow….
CHILD 4: We know… uphill, both ways!
LITTLEST: You’re as full of shit as our Dad!
Who in the fuck taught you kids that kind of language? Well, I might as well go ahead and ask… what does Christmas mean to you squirrel kids?
CHILD 1: Playing with all our cool toys Santa brings us!
CHILD 2: This Robofox is awesome!!!
CHILD 3: I’m so glad I asked Santa for it!
CHILD 4: Liar! I’m the one who asked for this!
LITTLEST: It’s my turn to press the button!!! Or I’m telling Mommy!!!!
SQUIRREL DAD: The kids sure seem to be enjoying their new toy!
SQUIRREL MOM: It’s giving me a migraine.
SQUIRREL DAD: Well, I guess I could remove the batteries when they’re not looking.
SQUIRREL MOM: It would be so much easier to just murder them all and bury their bodies beneath the crawlspace.
SQUIRREL DAD: Don’t you think that’s a bit extreme dear? I mean, they are our precious offspring.
SQUIRREL MOM: I’ll let you make more.
SQUIRREL DAD: I’ll go get the shovel…