It’s time to open up another door on the path where both angels and demons would fear to tread. It’s The Nest’s Shelf Critter Advent Calendar! All of the fun of a real Advent calendar, only we’ve replaced all of the treats with those nasty black and orange wrapped candies everyone gives out on Halloween. On the cusp of 2020, let’s peek behind Door number 20 and see if our 20/20 hindsight tells us we should have just kept the damned thing bolted shut instead…
BEARCAT: Hi everybody! Hope you all are having a wonderful holiday season!
It looks like today’s guests are the incorrigible Mitzi spawn Bearcat and her completely deranged sister Zeeba.
ZEEBA: Deranged? Deranged!?!!? (Pulls a shiv out of her diaper) Do I look deranged to you, mofo!?!?
Just… keep your hooves where I can see them at all time, please. I’m not sure I should bother asking, but what does Christmas mean to uncoordinated youth like yourselves?
ZEEBA: It means….
Let me guess…… blood, maybe?
ZEEBA: He’s not as much of a dumbass as he looks like, sis!
BEARCAT: Come on, Zeeba! Not everything should mean blood! Christmas is about love and compassion and sharing and…
ZEEBA: Let’s go down to Mecca, Sis….
BEARCAT: Oh my!
The sounds of fighting and kicking and punching over a stupid toy kids will quickly lose interest in echo through the building and drown out the sounds of “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” overhead as customers claw each other to death to secure the last toy left…
ZEEBA: Told ya Christmas means BLOOD!!!!
BEARCAT: Is that someone’s spleen laying on the floor?
ZEEBA: Those are intestines, shit brains! See, they still have poop in them!
ZEEBA: BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! Cleanup in Aisle 13!!!!!