Shelf Critter Advent Calendar – Day 23

We’re so close to Christmas now, that Santa is already warming up the sleigh for the big ride and releasing enough carbon monoxide into the atmosphere to turn his North Pole icecap into a lake.  This is the penultimate edition of the Shelf Critter Advent Calendar.  Let’s open the next door and see who got stuck being second to last…

Oh, it’s just Ricky the Jesus freak raccoon…

RICKY: That’s Ricky the praying raccoon, heathen.  Unless you want to feel my wrath.

I thought wrath was a deadly sin, altar boy…

RICKY: Please don’t bring that ugly episode up again!

Whatever.  I guess I have to ask you now what Christmas means to you.

RICKY: What Christmas means to me!?!?  You mean what Christmas means PERIOD!  Do I have to queue up the video of Linus’ soliloquy?

Please don’t.  That was the most boring part of the special.

RICKY: Christmas is about the birth of our savior in a manger in Bethlehem some two thousands years ago.  Nothing more, and nothing less…

OK, I think I can go with that….

MITZI: Like, Snuggie Wuggie Joseph Bear!  Mitzi’s, like, supposed to be a virgin!  I totally don’t think we should do this!

SNUGGLE: Don’t worry, babe!  There’s always the other hole!

BABY ZEEBA: Dammit!!!  No blood!!!!!!!!

RICKY: You are SO going to hell for this blasphemy, Narrator Dude……


About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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11 Responses to Shelf Critter Advent Calendar – Day 23

  1. On the other hand, Ricky appears to be enjoying the interesting “Christmas tableau” taking place between Snuggle and the Non-Virgin so the Narrator Dude won’t be the only one going to hell for a fiery Christmas!


  2. Ricky appears to be a *GASP* (Ma! Cover them chillun’s EARS and eyes. Although they know more about S.E.X. than I ever will and they’re only six-damn left wing schools… this sort of ‘theatre’ ain’t suitable for their eyes) VOYEUR!! Like so many of the outwardly pious in this sad old world, inwardly? There’s a really sinful raccoon just waiting to escape! God ain’t fooled…

    • I’m sure he’s secretly enjoying the perverted scene. And yeah, the pious are particularly attracted to that kind of perversion due to their public hangups over sex. I think your fine state is one of the country’s leaders in porn site registrations…

  3. Poor Ricky got bogarted with his day in the sun, er calendar. The other characters shouldn’t have invaded his praying, I mean his time in the spotlight.

  4. Ricky knows the meaning of Christmas, the only one in this calender. Mitzi, Mitzi I now now you will be the queen in number 24.

  5. draliman says:

    Nothing says “devout” like a talking porcelain raccoon…

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