Impaired Hearing

a box full of junk

It’s time to make nothing out of something… something that will come our way via divine intervention and a few non-winning lottery numbers.  Welcome to another Wednesday edition of Random Image Inspiration!  Where shall the fates of chaos lead us astray today….?

3, 60, 69, 73

The 3rd post in my Reader was this one by River Girl

The 60th word in that post is “point”

The 69th word in that post is “Governor”

Putting “point Governor” into Google Images brought this up as the 73rd result…

CHAIRMAN: Mr. Crump.  Do you know why you’ve been called before this committee today?

CRUMP: No, I don’t.  Please enlighten me.

CHAIRMAN: The citizens of Possumville have had enough of your reprehensible and unprofessional behavior… and have asked this committee to remove you from office via this impeachment hearing!

CRUMP: I’ve done nothing wrong.

CHAIRMAN: You have been a disgrace to your position from the beginning.  Committing treasonous acts that go beyond the pale!  It was you, was it not, Mr. Crump, who has been peeling all of the labels off the bottles of water at City Hall?

MS. SIDEBAR: You don’t have to answer that.

CRUMP: It’s alright, I have nothing to hide.  I have no knowledge of any missing labels from water bottles.

CHAIRMAN: Is that why we found 683 Derrier water bottle labels crammed into one of the drawers of the desk in your office upon a search by the FBI?

MS. SIDEBAR: You don’t have to answer that.

CRUMP: I’m not answering that.  Nobody would believe a well respected politician like myself would do such a thing.  Do you have any real charges to levy against me, or can I leave now to catch the end of Paw Patrol?

CHAIRMAN: It has also come to this committee’s attention that you’re defrauding the city treasury by hiring a fake person as your secretary.

CRUMP: I’ve done no such thing!  My secretary, Timothy Fox, is one of the hardest working people in this building!  (Turns to his left) Tell ’em, Timmy!

MR. FOX: ……………………….

CHAIRMAN: Mr. Fox is a dummy, isn’t he?

MS. SIDEBAR: You don’t have to answer that.

CRUMP: I will not sit here and allow you to slander a fine employee like Timmy!

Crump slaps Timmy on the back, causing one of his eyes to pop out onto the desk.

CHAIRMAN: Furthermore, this receipt that was also uncovered via the federal search warrant reveals that you purchased your “secretary” from Madame Mitzi’s Big Girl Toys Emporium.  So, Mr. Fox…. are you really a sex toy?

MS. SIDEBAR: You don’t have to answer that.

MR. FOX: ………….

CHAIRMAN: I don’t think he can answer that since he’s just a plastic man built around an eight inch dildo, isn’t he!?!?

MS. SIDEBAR: Ten inch.

CRUMP: You didn’t have to answer that!!!

CHAIRMAN: I think we’ve heard enough.  This committee condemns your reprehensible behavior and hereby votes to remove you from office effective immediately!  (Bangs gavel) This hearing is adjourned!

CRUMP: Wonderful!  So much for having my dream job as the city dog catcher!  No thanks to my lousy secretary and defense attorney!

MS. SIDEBAR: Timmy’s my secretary now, Mr. Crump.  Until you can pay my bill, I’m taking custody of Timmy.  All ten inches of him.

MR. FOX: ……………….

CRUMP: Now I know why the sex toy was YOUR idea!  I knew I should have just hired one of the mangy strays I picked up…


About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
This entry was posted in Random Image Inspiration and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to Impaired Hearing

  1. Rivergirl says:

    Yay! At least I gave you some better words this time…

  2. Derrier???? Can I get a six pack of that at the grocery? Never trust a guy named CRUMP!


  3. Hmm, sounds a bit like a story I’ve heard recently.

  4. mydangblog says:

    “Ten inch”–accuracy in a secretary is so important!

  5. draliman says:

    Sounds vaguely familiar, though I don’t think the real life version is going to end in a successful impeachment…

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