Nobody is in much of a sharing mood these days… and for that matter, neither is the weekly Share Your World feature. Melanie went a bit off the beaten path this week with some St. Paddy’s Day trivia that we at The Nest are going to do our best to turn into your daily suppository of laughter. Don’t clench your cheeks together like that! Trust me, this is the best medicine…
1. Saint Patrick’s actual color was not green. Was it red, orange or blue?
St. Patrick actually wore pink, long before most men would be caught dead wearing that color. And if any dudes dared laugh at his metrosexual outfits, Pat would use his magic to turn their family jewels into a pot of mold…
2. Was Saint Patrick born in Ireland, Britain or France?
Like Bruce Springsteen, St. Patrick was born in the USA. Bar owners invented him to drive up patronage in March…
3. How old was Saint Patrick when he was taken as a slave? 10, 13, or 16?
It had to be 10. Nobody can tell a 13 or 16 year old what to do…
4. Why is Saint Patrick’s Day celebrated on the 17th? Was it the day he was born, the day he died, or the day he got the title “Saint”?
It was the day that green beer was invented in 1769.
5. Is Saint Patrick’s Day always, usually or never held on the same date?
All of the above. Like Squirrel Appreciation Day, every day is St. Patrick’s Day.
6. What did Saint Patrick use to symbolize something for Christianity?
Was it a stick, a shamrock, or a bird?
No way. St. Patrick was a Scientologist before it was cool. Read Dianetics, it’s in there…
7. What city turns a river green every year to celebrate? Is it Detroit, Chicago, or Green Bay, U.S.A.?
It’s actually Chicago, and they only do that to cover up the red stain from all of the dead bodies floating in the river.
8. Which year was the first St. Patrick’s Day parade (in America) held?
In 420 by the Chickapee tribe I introduced in yesterday’s post.
9. Which US president was of Irish descent and forgot it was Saint Patrick’s Day?
Warren G. Harding. And he only forgot because Woodrow Wilson still had America on Daylight Savings Time so he could play golf in the evenings from his wheelchair. That’s when Harding stepped up to the plate and abolished the stupid clock games, so nobody would forget what time it was again…
10. Is corned beef and cabbage a traditional Saint Patrick’s Day dish?
Nobody would want to eat that shit any day of the year. I’m pretty sure St. Pat disowned it…
11. True or False: The shamrock is the national flower of Ireland.
False. They have the same national flower as every other country…
12. Where was Saint Patrick buried after he died? Britain, Ireland, or France?
He was buried in a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow…
13. Two of the three colors on the Irish flag are green and white. What is the third one?
14. True or False: Saint Patrick was not actually a Saint.
15. What do leprechauns use their sticks, called “shillelagh” for? Accessing their rainbow, turning invisible, or making their magic pot of gold appear?
None of the above….
16. Which is not true?
-Lent restrictions are dropped on Saint Patrick’s Day. – False. Enjoying yourself is strictly verboten by the virus nazis.
-Irish soap was invented in Ireland. – False. It was invented in a secret Procter & Gamble laboratory in Cincinnati.
-Saint Patrick’s real name was Maewyn Succat. – True. St. Patrick’s parents wanted him to get teased and bullied in middle school.
17. What’s the traditional occupation of a leprechaun?
Thief, shoemaker, or banker?
Unemployed. That’s why they have so much time to cause mischief, because they’re too lazy to get a fucking job. And when they do find a job, well…..