The world has finally come to the end of The Shit Paper Road…
Nobody is in much of a sharing mood these days… and for that matter, neither is the weekly Share Your World feature. Melanie went a bit off the beaten path this week with some St. Paddy’s Day trivia that we at The Nest are going to do our best to turn into your daily suppository of laughter. Don’t clench your cheeks together like that! Trust me, this is the best medicine…
Sanitized for your protection!
1. Saint Patrick’s actual color was not green. Was it red, orange or blue?
St. Patrick actually wore pink, long before most men would be caught dead wearing that color. And if any dudes dared laugh at his metrosexual outfits, Pat would use his magic to turn their family jewels into a pot of mold…
Want me to drive the snake out of your pants, asshole?
2. Was Saint Patrick born in Ireland, Britain or France?
Like Bruce Springsteen, St. Patrick was born in the USA. Bar owners invented him to drive up patronage in March…
3. How old was Saint Patrick when he was taken as a slave? 10, 13, or 16?
It had to be 10. Nobody can tell a 13 or 16 year old what to do…
4. Why is Saint Patrick’s Day celebrated on the 17th? Was it the day he was born, the day he died, or the day he got the title “Saint”?
It was the day that green beer was invented in 1769.
Yay for old school comics!
5. Is Saint Patrick’s Day always, usually or never held on the same date?
All of the above. Like Squirrel Appreciation Day, every day is St. Patrick’s Day.
6. What did Saint Patrick use to symbolize something for Christianity?
Was it a stick, a shamrock, or a bird?
No way. St. Patrick was a Scientologist before it was cool. Read Dianetics, it’s in there…
7. What city turns a river green every year to celebrate? Is it Detroit, Chicago, or Green Bay, U.S.A.?
It’s actually Chicago, and they only do that to cover up the red stain from all of the dead bodies floating in the river.
This will stop murderers from breaking the law!
8. Which year was the first St. Patrick’s Day parade (in America) held?
In 420 by the Chickapee tribe I introduced in yesterday’s post.
9. Which US president was of Irish descent and forgot it was Saint Patrick’s Day?
Warren G. Harding. And he only forgot because Woodrow Wilson still had America on Daylight Savings Time so he could play golf in the evenings from his wheelchair. That’s when Harding stepped up to the plate and abolished the stupid clock games, so nobody would forget what time it was again…
Fuck Teapot Dome. Warren G. Harding is a real American hero.
10. Is corned beef and cabbage a traditional Saint Patrick’s Day dish?
Nobody would want to eat that shit any day of the year. I’m pretty sure St. Pat disowned it…
11. True or False: The shamrock is the national flower of Ireland.
False. They have the same national flower as every other country…
Easy to grow, and oh so pretty!
12. Where was Saint Patrick buried after he died? Britain, Ireland, or France?
He was buried in a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow…
Right alongside this guy…
13. Two of the three colors on the Irish flag are green and white. What is the third one?
Glitter
Yes, it’s a color.
14. True or False: Saint Patrick was not actually a Saint.
Mitzi knows the answer to this question. And she’s not telling…
15. What do leprechauns use their sticks, called “shillelagh” for? Accessing their rainbow, turning invisible, or making their magic pot of gold appear?
None of the above….
16. Which is not true?
-Lent restrictions are dropped on Saint Patrick’s Day. – False. Enjoying yourself is strictly verboten by the virus nazis.
-Irish soap was invented in Ireland. – False. It was invented in a secret Procter & Gamble laboratory in Cincinnati.
-Saint Patrick’s real name was Maewyn Succat. – True. St. Patrick’s parents wanted him to get teased and bullied in middle school.
17. What’s the traditional occupation of a leprechaun?
Thief, shoemaker, or banker?
Unemployed. That’s why they have so much time to cause mischief, because they’re too lazy to get a fucking job. And when they do find a job, well…..
Evil Squirrel's Nest 
we totally agree and we think your paddy was the right one….thanks for bringing a laughing fit to me, I needed it!!!
You’re welcome. If I get any more silly, I may end up in the paddy wagon…
BWAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!! Oh heck! I seriously can’t breath (especially not after watching those commercials you so thoughtfully shared with your world)….. What a GREAT Share Your World and in true E.S. fashion too. (btw..that dude with the dip stick? Was SCOTTISH. While maybe to us over here across the pond, they all ‘sound alike” ((abject apologies to anyone who is Irish or Scottish or Welsh or Gaelic)) they’re actually different. But whadda I know? I’m from UTAH which has no accent at all (except saying ‘crick’ for creek, warsh for wash, and root for route), but I am IRISH. By marriage. So it counts. Thank you Squirrel for giving me much more than a share – for giving me a good hearty belly laugh. I needed that!
I knew the dipstick guy was Scottish (or at least I did once I dug it up out of the archive), but it was still close enough to share. Thanks for setting me up once again. I enjoy the creative challenge of turning the serious into the humorous…
And we COUNT on you to turn the serious into the humorous so thank YOU for not letting us down this week….yet again…..I thought the answer to #17 was “snake charmer”……of course that probably wasn’t a good profession for an Irishman to choose was it.
Pam
I could try to turn Sirius into the humerus, but one’s a star and the other’s an arm bone. Snakes are probably a bit too much to handle, which is why most people start out as worm charmers…
Squirrel Appreciation Day. A much maligned holiday….
It gets no respect. Probably because it’s too close to the equally nutty Inauguration Day…
I like St. Patrick’s Day. I don’t drink green beer and I don’t wear green, but it’s a nice day to look forward to. And at this point who doesn’t want to look forward to something?
I had pretty much forgotten Tuesday was St. Patrick’s Day since every day at work has been Black Friday. But I don’t even own a shred of green clothing, and other than an M&M, won’t be putting anything green in my mouth…
Very clever. instead of doing what the rest of us did by saying “no idea” to all those questions, you made up far better answers. I’m worried that the pumpkin spice and green beer will meet one terrible St. Patrick’s Day. Lord only knows what might happen to the drunks of Boston!
There’s an old maxim I live by… if you can’t be right, be funny. Some people actually have a sense of humor, and I’m glad that includes Melanie and my readers…
On the subject of your Like button issue, I saw in the comments on another blog that someone was unable to Like posts, with the culprit being Chrome. She switched to a different browser and was able to use the button again. Whether it’s an issue with Google or WordPress… Chrome seems to be non-likable now.
Now wait a damn minute! You don’t like corned beef? What the actual fuck? It’s my favorite (my last name is O’Leary after all) and even though eating it flares my gout up, I still eat it every chance I get!! How can you not like corned beef?? Flabbergasted, I am.
Sorry, it’s not my cup of soda…
It’s pop, assweasel. 🙄
Pop goes the assweasel?
Cause the assweasel goes pop!
OMG! A Third Bass reference!!! I need to DVA that song after the countdown…
Yes!!!
Bwahahaha…thanks, I so needed a laugh-emema. Now to go clean up where I peed on the floor because I couldn’t hold it in. 🤣
I hope that accident doesn’t run you out of TP….
Ah, thank you! It was great to have some laughs during this end of the shit paper road time. For some reason, the sign forbidding the dumping of the bodies in the river struck me as particularly hilarious.
That sign has been floating around the Nest’s archive for a while… I can’t even remember what post I originally used it in. But it sounds like the perfect sign for a river near mob territory!
I’d like to hire that cute little unicorn to decorate my living room, please.
I would too. That’s a pretty awesome looking unicorn. He might make Mitzi jealous…