Self Checkout

a box full of junk

It’s time for this fool to go where angels fear to tread… into the depths of unknown chaos we like to call Random Image Inspiration!  Let’s send the Randomator on another fool’s errand…

10, 71, 60, 98

The 10th post in my Reader was this one by Marilyn Garry

The 71st word in that post (wrapping around to the beginning) is “up”

The 60th word in that post (” ” ” ” “) is “this”

This has to be one of the more dirty sounding two-word search terms we’ve had yet for RII…

Putting “up this” into Google Images brought this up as the 98th result…

Sometime in the 2084….

CASHIER: Welcome to Orwell’s Eats, home of The State dinner combo.  How may I help you?

FRANK: I guess I’ll have a bourgeois burger with fries please.

CASHIER: And you, sir?

ROGER: Just a salad, ma’am!

CASHIER: Your total for the burger and fries is sixteen stalinbucks. (The cashier picks up a barcode reader)  Arm, please.

FRANK: Sigh, I really hate these state sponsored barcodes that we’re all tattooed with now!

ROGER: Nonsense, Frank!  It’s quite efficient, actually!

FRANK: But it allows the government to access every bit of information about us!

Frank’s barcode on his upper arm is scanned and the register beeps that the sale has been approved.

ROGER: And none of us have to carry a credit card anymore or worry about identity theft!  See there, the money’s taken right out of your state bank account!

FRANK: You don’t think there’s something sinister behind it?

ROGER: Of course not!  You might want to mind your opinions, Frank…. Big Brother is watching, after all!

CASHIER: Next!  You’re holding up the line, mister!

ROGER: Oh, right, right! (Rolls up sleeve) Here you go.

Rather than a beep, the register makes a screeching sound.  The monitor displays “INVALID PERSONAL CODE.”

CASHIER: I’m sorry, sir, but your personal code is invalid.

ROGER: That’s odd, it scanned perfectly fine yesterday at the drugstore.

CASHIER: As per State Regulation 69.13, any citizen with an invalid personal code that will not scan is considered a traitor who must be immediately liquidated

ROGER: Wait, no!  I’m no traitor!  it’s just… oh, it looks like I formed a stretch mark over the last few lines of the code.

Two nondescript men in dark suits pick up Roger by each armpit and escort him over to the meat grinder.

ROGER: NO!  There’s been a mistake!  I have a valid code!  Please, just re-scan it again!  You can’t do this to me!  It’s not right!!!

FRANK: Mind your opinions, Roger.  Big Brother is watching after all.

ROGER: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa……….

CASHIER: Good news, sir.  We now have fresh meat for your Bourgeois Burger.

FRANK: Errrrr, I think I’ll have Roger’s salad instead since he won’t be around to eat it…

About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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25 Responses to Self Checkout

  1. omg… that is an offer… but meat is meat gimme a burger too!

  2. I think we may already be just one eeeeny tiny step away from this being REALITY. EEEEK!

    Pam

  3. ghostmmnc says:

    Well, that is just creepy – but I’m afraid it could happen!

  4. Grace says:

    This is so perverse LOL

  5. I get these messages from Amazon often. I never pick up a package I didn’t expect, so there are probably piles of them … somewhere. If they don’t restock our grocery store soon, we will all be looking for well-padded Rogers for burger production.

    • My Mecca has finally managed to catch up on just about everything except the TP…. which amazingly is still being scarfed up as fast as it comes in. The rest of the store no longer looks like Soviet Russia at least…

  6. Lemme guess – Soylent Green – the modern version (post-Covid-19 decimation of most of the population)….Um. I’ll take the salad too please! Wrinkles are forming faster than those tattooists at “Big Brothers R Us” can repaint them….

    • While the Darwinist and the Utilitarianist in me finds value in Soylent Green…. my stomach just says no freaking way. I hate salads, but I guess I’ll be getting one too…

  7. Ally Bean says:

    We’re going to try ordering online then picking up our groceries for the first time this week. This post makes me more leery of doing that than I already was. I mean, how can I be sure what I’m really getting…

    • Meccas like the one I work in have been getting stocked back up. While most of the health items as well as TP (of course) are still in shirt supply, most of what you’d want is probably available. The problem is now manpower to get shelves stocked and orders filled since about 20% of our workforce has decided to stay home (or maybe my store’s just extra bad since we had a confirmed case last week). Anyway, delivery and pickup options are going to be dicey, but if you’re persistent, you can probably score something eventually…

      • Ally Bean says:

        I appreciate your insight into the process. I’m nothing if not patient so I’ll use the service with an open mind. I just want to know what to expect with it should we need to use it because we’re both ill. Right now is more research than dire need.

  8. Trisha says:

    Ewww! I think I would take the salad too! But then I probably would have been gunned down and thrown in the meat grinder while trying to escape getting branded with a bar code.

    • If we can survive long enough until the squirrels can overthrow Big Brother and take over the world, we’ll be alright. Maybe….

      • Trisha says:

        I’m definitely siding with the squirrels in their uprising! They already make many decisions for me, like what’ll kind of plants I grow. And I’ve continued shopping in person instead of using drive up and go mostly because the seed I buy for the little scamps isn’t on the store’s website!

  9. OMG! The end is nigh!! lol

  10. Are you sure the Randomator hasn’t caught the virus?

  11. draliman says:

    There are factories in Scandinavia where participating workers have RFID chips in their arms to access the building. Since they’re very orderly and law-abiding over there I imagine they’re expected to report to termination booths of their own volition if the chip won’t validate…

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