Democracy In Traction

a box full of junk

Welcome to another fun Wednesday where The Nest has no idea what it’s going to have to write!  What, you mean every day is already like that?  Oh, well, once a week we really don’t have a clue what’s going to go to press until we consult the Randomator and see what it barfs up.  This is the feature we call Random Image Inspiration, and it works a little something like this…

7, 8, 75, 44

The 7th post in my Reader was this one by Marilyn

The 8th word in that post is “issue”

The 75th word in that post is “these”

Putting “issue these” into Google Images brought this up as the 44th result…

It’s time for another titillating mini edition of SCT!

UNCLE SAM: Good morning, citizen!

CHIP: Hey!  No cutting in line!

SLIDER: Mr. President?  What brings you to our humble polling place on this election day?

SAM: I wanted to see our glorious democracy in action!  Don’t mind me, I’ll just be impartially supervising the proceedings…

Sam walks towards the voting booths.

SLIDER: Sir, I don’t think this is within regulations….

SAM: Nonsense!  It gives me a warm feeling in my cold heart to see the critters of the Shelf proudly exercising their franchise!

TROLL: There!  A write in vote for Goldie “Progress” Wilson for President!  He’ll make this Shelf great again!

ZAC: OMGOMGOMG!  This is so cool!  Voting is fun fun fun!  Check check check check!!!  I’m gonna vote for everybody!  Everyone’s a winner!  Check check check!!!

MR. FOX: ……………………………….

SLIDER: Sir, I don’t think you should be peering over…

SAM: Excuse me, son, but you filled in the incorrect name for President!

FUZZYWIG: Huh?  Oh, I’m not voting for anybody.  I don’t even know who the candidates are.  I’m just filling out the circles in the shape of a cannabis leaf like I used to do on the Scan Trons for our tests in school.

SAM: Election judge!  I want this critter removed from the polling place for being under the influence!

SLIDER: But I can’t…

SAM: That’s a direct order!  Unless you’d like to be hand-shredding impeachment documents for the rest of your working life.

Slider reluctantly escorts Fuzzywig off the premises while Sam rips up his “artwork”…

SAM: Did you check this voter’s green card?

SLIDER: Yes sir, and it was perfectly in order…

SAM: Bullshit!  I know a foreigner when I see one!

HUNG LO: Hung Lo proud Asian-American citizen…

SAM: You’re either Asian or American!  You can’t be both, son!  (Gesturing back with his thumb) He goes too!

SLIDER: Sigh, let me get the backhoe…

SAM: (Peeking over Buster’s shoulder) Another vote for my opponent!?!?

BUSTER: Oh, sorry Mr. President!  I didn’t see you peeking at my secret ballot.  I’m afraid I had to vote for change since you cut off funding to underprivileged possums like myself…

SAM: The Shelf’s tired of supporting deadbeat possums like you!  Judge!  This critter can not vote in this election because he’s DEAD!

SLIDER: But sir…

BUSTER: I don’t know what you’re talking about, Mr. President!

SAM: I’m pretty sure I’ve seen your dead carcass before.  This ain’t Chicago, son, dead critters can’t vote!

BUSTER: Sir, I assure you that I am 100% alive and kicking at this moment.

SAM: This sounds like a job for the Men in Black!

NINJA ON A SKATEBOARD: Awaiting orders until your opponent is sworn in, SIR!

SAM: Make sure this possum is ineligible to vote!

SLIDER: This is most unusual for an election day process.

SAM: Nonsense!  Another fraudulent voter has been dealt with, and now we can serve barbecue to those waiting in line!

SAM: I should’ve known a chick like you would vote for the broad running against me!

RAINY: I’m not voting against you because you’re a sexist asshole.  I’m voting against you because your environmental policies are why it hasn’t rained on this Shelf since the Bronze Age!

SAM: I want this voter ejected from the polls because I have issues with the 19th Amendment!

RAINY: Some leader you are disrespecting majority demographics like us females!

SAM: Don’t you have something to do in the kitchen right now?

RAINY: The only thing I’m going to be cooking up is this toxic display of…

SAM: Well you better go outside and do it then!  Skunk spray counts as a political statement, and by law, all electioneering must be done at least 100 feet away from a polling place!

RAINY: But… you can’t… I have the right to….

SLIDER: Sorry ma’am, you’ll have to come with me…

SAM: Finally!  Someone around here who’s voting for the right candidate for President!

MITZI: Oh, Mitzi, like, just filled in your circle jerk because it was first.  Mitzi totally can’t figure out how these elections work anyway!

SLIDER: If you don’t know what you’re voting for, then why did you take the time to come down here?

MITZI: Mitzi, like, totally votes just for the stickers!!!  Like, check this out!!!

MITZI: They totally make great pasties!!!

SAM: I see you like to vote early and often.

MITZI: Yeppers!  Mitzi, like, totally uses her pouty face to get in enough times to cover all of Mitzi’s fun parts!

SAM: You know… I think you’d look even better completely covered in stickers.

MITZI: Like, OMG!  You totally have a kinky fetish Mr. Pwezzy Wezzy!  Mitzi will, like, totally keep getting back in line all day long!!!

SAM: Ha!  Let all the delusional critters keep voting for my opponent.  I’ll win this election just on the votes my new running mate here will give me!

MITZI: Did you, like, totally say “mate?”  Now Mitzi’s bottom sticker is totally moisturized and ruined, and Mitzi will have to get in line one more time!

SAM: Don’t worry, dear, the polls will be staying open late tonight.

SLIDER: They will?

SAM: (Leering at Slider) They will!

About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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17 Responses to Democracy In Traction

  1. BBQ is always a good plan… even with buster ;O)

  2. Can I get a Busterburger to go please? I see Shelf voting is every bit as wacky as “off Shelf” voting activity. I love consistency!

    Pam

  3. Trisha says:

    I wondered how Uncle Sam kept getting “elected!” I vote for Rainy to give him a good blast!

    • I think that vote would be pretty unanimous! Rainy was actually my 2016 Presidential vote, and I was disappointed she didn’t win so she could “clean up” Washington….

  4. You know, the worst part of this post and maybe also the best part is that this is pretty much what I imagine is going to happen, although maybe not is such a PERSONAL way. Uncle Donnie will find a way to win and if he loses, we’ll have an actual WAR to drag him screaming and kicking from the White House. But I’d really enjoy the shackles. They WILL use shackles, right? That would be so completely and totally cool and CNN would run it 24/7 for years.

    • They could always try the Independence Day approach with the giant spaceship hovering overhead with the laser of destruction. It might be messy, but it should do the job should someone not want to vacate office…

  5. Reblogged this on Serendipity Seeking Intelligent Life on Earth and commented:
    I don’t want to jinx us, but with a bit more technology, I think this is what those good ole’ GOP lads are going to try.

  6. Misogyny has hit the Shelf. *sigh* PERFECT. 🙄 I was rooting for Rainy too to give that sleazebag Sam a face full of her ‘pepper spray’. Damned politicians. *grumble* persecutin’ the under-women and critters that way! Your parallel to the dim-wit in chief of America (#NEVERmypresident) was excellent. Good show! 😆

  7. How Google images came up with that image (issues these) in any numerical order is beyond me. Sounds like the venerable one may be infected with a certain virus these days. Nice job though despite yet another Buster demise.

    • Just to show you how touchy Big Brother Google can be, I reran that search just now and it came up with a lot of different results than before… and that photo was nowhere to be found. But a photo of people voting at booths with that exact design did come up, and it was from an article relating to some voting database issues in California. That’s what I love about RII is you never really know what will come up from any terms…

  8. draliman says:

    Is Sam allowed to bribe voters with barbecued possum?

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