Family Matters

Here’s a blast from the past that should stay lost.

Feeling a little bogus and need a totally tubular infusion of some awesome jams to get this Monday started?  Well, The Nest is ready to gag you with another spoonful of lost music we’re gonna pull out of that Trapper Keeper of forgotten faves we like to call the Dusty Vinyl Archive!  DJ Scratchy’s decked out in her most gnarly neon threads and ready to throw another cassette in the boombox, while the Sponkies are both sporting some bodacious mullet manes.  OK, we wouldn’t do that to them, that would be cruelty to critters…

How did the band get together, you might ask of some of your favorite acts.  Well, for a number of popular groups in rock history, they were literally born that way.  You can pick your bassist, and even your bassist’s nose, but you can’t pick your family.  Sibling acts can be found throughout the annals of pop music, and you can probably think of a few right off the top of your head.  The Jacksons, the Osmonds, those Hansen brothers who gave the middle finger to Kurt Cobain’s alternative direction of 90’s music.  And of course, there were the Wolfgramms

Uhhh, you sure this isn’t just seven random kids who wandered onto a Glamour Shots studio?

What, you’ve never heard of them?  That’s because they went by the name of The Jets, and in the 80’s….. huh?  You don’t know who The Jets are either?  Sheesh, for a few years in the late 80’s, these seven siblings were all the rage in the music industry… going on several world tours, singing the National Anthem at the World Series, becoming one of Nickelodeon’s favorite ambassadors… and they didn’t just do it with their charming, wholesome good looks.  The Jets had five Top 10 hits on the US pop charts.  FIVE!  And nobody today could pick this band or any of their songs out of a lineup!

Wait a minute, I know these guys!

The Wolfgramms were a Minneapolis based Mormon family of Tongan descent, and like any good LDS tribe, they had seventeen kids in all.  The seven eldest made up The Jets’ classic lineup that went on a late 80’s hit parade, starting with their 1986 breakout single “Crush On You,” which reached #3 and is probably the one Jets song even casual 80’s fans would remember.  That was followed up with another #3 in “You Got It All,” both songs coming from their self titled debut album.

Their next album, Magic, spawned the remainder of their hits.  In deciding which song to represent The Jets on the DVA, I could have gone with their 1988 #4 “Make It Real,” which is one of the most heart wrenching songs of unrequited love to ever play on the radio…. but decided to go poppy, bouncy silly instead.  So here is The Jets song from 1987 that “only” made it up to #6… but is perfect for bringing a cheesy smile to your face on a Monday… “Rocket 2 U.”

Dear Lord, the 80’s were so tacky!

Ummmm…. where are the yoga pants?

“Rocket 2 U” does more than borrow from fellow Minneapolisite Prince’s annoying (but prescient) texter talk… it’s a fun song with an almost horribly campy video that has the Wolfgramm clan decked out like ebony rainbow unicorns doing ridiculously choreographed dances.  It was also the only one of The Jets’ recognizable hits that was sung by one of the four brothers…. in this case, Haini… the one in the bumblebee outfit.

Careful, girl! He’s gonna rocket 2 U…

For more proof that 80’s music was a lot better than its fashion, tune in again for the Dusty Vinyl Archive next Monday….


About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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11 Responses to Family Matters

  1. I kinda think I remember this one – it sounded much like many others of that year – didn’t know their family background though – imagine 17 kids….EEEEEEK! It is very danceable though that’s for sure………


  2. …why we all made such weid faces in the 80’s? … was it trendy too?

  3. Ally Bean says:

    As usual I’ve no idea who this group was, but you keep on talking about them if’n that makes you happy. Never let it be said I’m not supportive.

    • As Bartles and Jaymes used to say, I thank you for your support. I think you would have been better off skipping over the Jets to see Saturday’s pretty black squirrel I featured. That post spoke the universal language of cute…

  4. draliman says:

    Oh, man. Their Wiki page says that theirs was among the material destroyed in the 2008 fire at Universal. I can’t help thinking they were the main target and everyone else’s stuff was collateral damage…

    • I saw that as well, and it’s good to see someone looks at those Wiki links I drops. The Jets were big around the same time as Alyans, and maybe they were rivals in the old USSR. I know who the prime suspect in the fire would be if that were the case….

  5. Nope, never heard of these guys before. Classic 80’s tune/beat though.

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