Today’s SCT story is inspired by the photo for Pam’s Poetic Thursday prompt….

And, of course, the usual unhealthy dose of demented imagination that oozes from The Shelf….

TROLL: Oh shit!  A flower’s growing on the stage!  The boss will be pissed if he finds out I haven’t been cleaning all of the dirt out of the cracks…

FLOWER: Leave me alone.

TROLL: Did that flower just talk to me!?!?  I only had a little bit of whiskey this morning… that can’t be the booze talking!  Well, there’s only one thing left to do now with this pretty little flower…

TROLL: Kill the fuck out of it with this herbicide!

FLOWER: Don’t spray that!  It’s bad for the environment!

TROLL: I sleep in the gutter and eat out of the Chinese buffet;s dumpster.  Do you think I give a rat’s ass about the environment?

FLOWER: OK, but when you end up killing off all of the baby seals, you’ll be sorry.

TROLL: Baby seals?  Where!?!?  I’ll spray their asses too!!!  Now, prepare to die, you filthy weed!!!!

FUZZYWIG: Did somebody say “weed?”

FLOWER: Better back off, raccoon, unless you want this stooge from Monsanto to give you non Hodgkins lymphoma…

FUZZYWIG: Put away that can right now, Troll!  You don’t spray weeds!

TROLL: But it needs to die!!!

FUZZYWIG: Dude, let me show you how to properly deal with a weed…

FUZZYWIG: Come with me, flower.  I have a very special vase to put you in…

FLOWER: If you’re referring to your bong, forget it.

FUZZYWIG: (Flicking his Bic) It’s time to light up and be happy…

FLOWER: What would Smokey the Bear have to say about you burning flowers?

FUZZYWIG: Was he on H.R. Pufnstuf?  Eh, you don’t look ripe anyway.  I’ll come back at 4:20 for my flower power fix…

Fuzzywig and Troll vacate the stage…

FLOWER: Well, that was close.  I knew it was a mistake choosing to grow my roots on the Shelf…

SPONKIE 2: Look, Bro!  A flower!

SPONKIE 1: Think we should pick it and give it to Mom?

SPONKIE 2: I think Mommy’s allergic to flowers.

SPONKIE 1: Mom said she’s allergic to everything except Cucci purses and diamond stud earrings.  Let’s pick it anyway!!!

FLOWER: What do you think you’re doing!?!?  Get your hooves off of me at once!!!

SPONKIE 2: A talking flower!!!

FLOWER: That’s right, I’m a talking flower.  You should leave me alone.

SPONKIE 1: Let’s take it home and see if we can sell it on eBay!

SPARKLEPONY: What do you two little miscreants think you’re doing?

SPONKIE 2: We were going to bring this flower home to you, Mommy, but then we found out it TALKS!!!

SPONKIE 1: Yeah!  It’s so cool!!!

SPARKLEPONY: I see I’m going to have to have your lazy father remove all of the lead paint from your rooms.  It’s time for you two to do your homework…

SPONKIE 2: But Mommy, it’s summer vacation!

SPARKLEPONY: I said MARCH!!!  Let’s go… hup, two, three, four….

FLOWER: And you wanted to take me home to give to that bitch?

SPONKIE 2: She may be a bitch, but she’s still our Mommy!

SPONKIE 1: Sis!  Watch this!!!

SPARKLEPONY: OWWWWW!!!!  My back!!!!!!!

FLOWER: So stepping on a crack really does break your momma’s back.  No wonder my mother never answers her texts…

RAINY: This is wrong!

FLOWER: You got a problem with me trying to live my life in this crack?

RAINY: How did you even grow there?  Don’t you need water to survive?

FLOWER: Well, aren’t you just an expert in horticulture…

RAINY: But it never rains on this Shelf!!!  How do you get your water!?!?

FLOWER: Does that answer your question, dear?

RAINY: That’s disgusting!!!!

FLOWER: Oh just wait.  I think it’s feeding time as well…

FLOWER: Ah, yes!  A nice, fresh batch of fertilizer!  Chocolate, my favorite flavor!!!

RAINY: I think I’m going to be sick….

FLOWER: You know, your rain gauge doubles as a barf bag…

RAINY: I’m not going to stand here and take any sass from a nasty plant that lives off of critter waste product!  I think it’s time to give you a healthy dose of something that’s really gross…

FLOWER: Achoo!!!!

RAINY: What did you just (sniffle) do to me!?!?

FLOWER: I just sprayed you with a heaping dose of my pollen, honey.  You might want to invest in a bulk bottle of Claritin…

Rainy retreats from the contaminated scene as fast her watery eyes will allow her to….

FLOWER: So much for Shelf Critter Theatre bring dead.  I thought I could get me some peace and quiet on this stage….

Yooooooooooooooooooooohooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MITZI: OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!  You are so kyooooooooooooot!!!!!!

FLOWER: No fucking duh.  All flowers are kyoooot.

MITZI: Do you, like, totally have a sister too?  Mitzi would totally make a set of pasties out of your petals!!!

FLOWER: WHAT!?!?

MITZI: And then Mitzi could, like, totally be the Queen of the Garden with her fwower nipply covers!!!

FLOWER: Why couldn’t I have been one of those spiky plants that can stab anyone stupid enough to come close to me?

MITZI: We should, like, totally do it right now!!!

FLOWER: Sorry airhead, but flowers don’t “do it.”

MITZI: Everybody, like, doos it!

FLOWER: Flowers need… um…. help to have sex.

MITZI: Ooooooh!  How kinky!!!  Let Mitzi, like, totally sniff your pretty flower!!!

MITZI: Oh noes!!!!  Like, somebody save Mitzi from these beezies!!!

Mitzi runs away, being chased by an entire hive of adoring drones…

FLOWER; What’s the matter, toots?  You don’t like making whoopie the flower way?  And here I thought you were a sexually liberated bimbocorn.  Those stingers beat the feeling of a vibrator any day…

BUSTER: Well, I’ll be darned!  A flower sprouted on our stage!

FLOWER: I guess you’ve come to harm me as well.

BUSTER: Why, I’d never dream of hurting one of nature’s beautiful creations!  I will need to transplant you, however.

FLOWER: Excuse me?  I’m fine just where I am.

BUSTER: You should really let me move you to a better location.

FLOWER: No!  I’ve planted my roots here in this crack, and by golly I’m going to stay here until I die…

SNUGGLE: Out of the way, you hippies!!!!!!!!!!

FLOWER: Me and my big stamen.  Oh well, at least I can wither away in peace now…

BEARCAT: Wow, Sis!  What happened here?

ZEEBA: Blood happened!!!!  Blood! Blood! Blood!  Wait a minute!!!  This one isn’t bleeding!!!!

FLOWER: Flowers (Cough! Sputter!) don’t have blood.  We have xylem and phloem…

ZEEBA: BULLSHIT!!!  There has to be blood in there somewhere!!!

BEARCAT: Settle down, Sis!

ZEEBA: Where are Mommy’s pruning shears?

FLOWER: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ZEEBA: Yeah!!!!  Xylem!  Phloem!  Blood!!!! PLANT BLOOD!!!!!!!!!!!  Bleed me Seymour!!!!!!

BEARCAT: Silly Zeeba!