The hot and humid days of summer have arrived at The Nest, and once again I’m left to wonder why people actually look forward to this season as opposed to the slushy cold of winter. They both suck as far as I’m concerned. So before the heat fries what’s left of my mind, let’s answer this week’s Share Your World questions, hosted as always by Melanie…
In your opinion, what’s the closest thing to real magic?
SAPPY ANSWER ALERT! When I was a kid, we lived just a couple blocks away from one of those fountains that was rigged up with lights at night to change colors. I still remember being fascinated by how the water color changed like that as me and my little sisters would run around its perimeter like the little hellions we were…
Where is the worst smelling place you’ve been?
Well, the city I live in stinks, and always has due to the steel mills. We locals have to go away for a few days and then come back to really get a whiff of the aroma, though. That said, the towns to the north smell even worse since they have a bunch of oil refineries…
What are some things that you’ve heard in your own life, which sounded like compliments but were actually insults?
I get told all of the time that I’m “special,” which certainly looks like a compliment… but anyone familiar with America’s public education program knows that “special” has a much deeper meaning than what you’ll find in the dictionary…
What incredibly common thing have you never done?
I’ve never sent a text message before… which shouldn’t be surprising since I no longer even have a plain old flip phone anymore (At least one with service).
Since you all like to be entertained by my
special motley comedy troupe, let’s open this question up to the Shelf critters…
CHIP: Well, this is a fun question! I guess for me, I’ve never gotten a traffic ticket before.
FUZZYWIG: Maybe that has something to do with none of us critters owning cars? Well, except for Snuggle and his windowless van.
CHIP: So, do you think you can do any better, Fuzzy?
FUZZYWIG: Sure. I tried MARIHUANA before, but I never inhaled.
CHIP: I find that hard to believe. Did you also not have sex with that woman?
FUZZYWIG: It’s true, man! I can absorb the smoke through my skin.
CHIP: No wonder you look like the back side of a honey badger.
SCRATCHY: I’ve never played a Yanni record before.
FUZZYWIG: That’s not common. Nobody listens to…
CHIP: Really? You’re missing out, because Yanni is one of the best musicians of all time!
FUZZYWIG: That figures…
CHIP: Shut it, Fuzzy! I know you still play that Iron Butterfly garbage when you get stoned…. which is always.
SANTA: You know what I’ve never done that everyone else has?
FUZZYWIG: Entered a house through a door?
SANTA: I’ve never got to open a Christmas present before because nobody ever thinks to get Santa anything for the fucking holiday!
BUSTER: And I’ve never lived long enough to see the sun set in the evening!
CHIP: That’s awful! Not surprising, but awful.
MR. FOX: …………………..
FUZZYWIG: Yeah, we already know. You’ve never shut up before. Goddamned chatterbox…
FUZZYWIG: This one should be interesting…
MITZI: Mitzi’s, like, never….. um……. like, totally never not done anything before!
CHIP: I’ll bet you’ve never turned down sex before.
FUZZYWIG: I’ve never turned down sex before, Chip.
MITZI: Totallies! Like, who would ever turn down sexy times?
CHIP: Mr. President? Surely there’s something common that even you’ve never done before.
UNCLE SAM: Son, of course there is! In a Shelf full of deceit, I can honestly say that I’ve never told a lie!
FUZZYWIG: Best. Buster. Death. Ever.
CHIP: And just a few minutes before sunset. Alas…
RAINY: You know what common thing I’ve never done before?
FUZZYWIG: Taken a bath?
CHIP: You should talk, Fuzzy.
RAINY: I’ve never gotten to jump in a rain puddle like every other little girl has! I’ve never even seen a rain puddle before, and it just makes me so……
CHIP: OK, now we’re going to have to amend that answer to the smelliest place we’ve ever been….
Please feel free to share some gratitude that you experienced during the past week!
Making sno cones at home is how I’ve survived the summer for almost 20 years now. Well, the shaved ice maker I had decided to lock up and stop working on me sometime back in May… right after I’d just ordered a whole case of cherry syrup, and just after our shaved ice makers at Mecca went out of stock. After waiting patiently for new supply to come in, I finally gave in last week and looked for one online… and found they were being sold for almost three times the price of what a similar machine would cost if I bought it at work. But desperate times call for desperate measures, so I ordered the one you see above and they actually got it to me in just a couple days. The ice it makes is more “snow” than “ice,” which makes the result more of a slushie than an actual sno cone…. but, after sweating my ass off cutting the grass yesterday morning, it still hit the spot. So I’m grateful that I will not die this year from a lack of cherry sno cones…