Maybe they left the keys in it so I can at least take a joyride.
In searching for a random photo to lead off with, here’s a picture I’m pretty sure I took about two months ago (My computer says I uploaded it in February, but it obviously isn’t February, and that white coat of paint and blue door on that house were recently added a few months ago) of a backhoe the city parked in front of my driveway. Apparently, the city crew and “chain gang” (those who pay off their city fines with a little community service) weren’t ready to come clean out the ditch yet, so the driver left it parked here and went down to the strip club or something. Very thoughtful, guys! Luckily, it was one of my sleeping days…
Now, on with this week’s Share Your World adventure, with questions provided by Melanie!
I’m going retro cool this week…
Where Do You Not Mind Waiting?
Patience is not one of my virtues. I’d rather not wait anywhere, especially since waiting generally involves either standing in a line (queue, for my international peeps) or sitting in a likely uncomfortable chair. If I have to kill time, I want to at least be able to walk around without losing my place…
I miss my old doctor, but not the three hour wait times to see his fat ass…
What Is In Your Fridge Icebox Right Now?
I had thought of doing a SCT skit themed around those ridiculous shows from the 80’s where Geraldo would reveal the contents of some long hidden safe on live TV, usually revealing nothing but a few dust bunnies and Sears Roebuck catalogs. However, that would involve taking pictures, which would expose my housekeeping habits that are on a par with those of Oscar Madison, if he were bedridden and Felix left him for another man.
Television’s first bromance.
Well, that saved Buster from getting “accidentally” trapped in the freezer. So instead, I just took some notes on the entire contents for your apparent curiosity and bemusement…
One half gallon of milk – It does a body good, but I only use it for breading chicken
One egg from a dozen carton – see above
One 2/3 gone small tub of Country Crock – only used to add to microwaved green beans. It expired on February 24th, but fake butter is actually edible forever.
Sorry, Fabio.
Unopened 12 pack bottles of Pepsi, two bottles of Coke, two cans from a 12 pack of Pepsi – Yes, I like soda… or “pop” for those of you in weird parts of the country. And the only reason there’s Coke infesting my icebox at this time is because our local Pepsi bottler has had some apparent supply disruptions the past few weeks.
The infamous cola wars map. Only people in the yellowish areas really matter.
Full gallon jug of Mecca’s cheapest orange juice – for when I’m not in the mood for soda
3 gallon jug of formerly Ice Mountain water (about 5 years ago), now constantly filled with tap water – for when I realize my kidneys need flushed out from all the soda. And no, I’ll never be on board with that bottled water racket everyone else falls for…
Bottle of insulin – because I apparently love Ody enough to spend $100 a month on his diabetic supplies.
Put the syringe away and just give me belly scritches instead!
Thawing out pack of pork steaks – since I can’t have Golden Corral’s yummy burnt pork steaks anymore, this is my new Thursday lunch item.
Box of Popeye’s with three pieces of chicken – leftover from lunch yesterday, will be dinner tonight.
Ya gots any spinach in there?
And finally…..
Four half empty cans of chocolate frosting – every year for my birthday, my Mom makes me cupcakes. And every year, she gives me a can of frosting and a canister of nonpareils since I’m expected to decorate them myself. Sometimes, I’ve thrown the leftover frosting in the icebox for whatever reason instead of just pitching it in the trash can… apparently four years to be exact. The expiration dates on said half empty frosting containers….
- May 10, 2019
- June 14, 2017
- February 27, 2014
- April 29, 2011 (Predating even my blog!)
Looks like I better pick up a few Mr. Yuk stickers…
If You Could Only Speak One Word Today, What Would It Be?
Would You Rather Be Trapped In An Elevator Full Of Men With BO Or Three Soaked Dogs?
I’d rather be trapped in an elevator full of men with BO, three soaked dogs, AND four cans of expired chocolate frosting than stuck in a house with Biskit’s nasty, disgusting shit. He is the only reason I even bother to buy Febreze. Even when he goes where he’s supposed to (which is rare), it will still make the entire house reek…
I don’t fear your claws, dude. I fear your excrement!
Please feel free to share something good about last week.
I try to tune out the awful propaganda-ish radio show Mecca broadcasts several mornings a week, largely to an audience who is wearing earbuds and listening to something else anyway. But my ears perked up when I heard them mention a few stores who had their own safety mascots (including, apparently, a panda and a hippo). Those who were around in the heyday of my comic strip will remember there was a comic version of Mecca, and one of the recurring gags was the store’s Safety Unicorn, who represented all that was fucked up, counterproductive, and that I just flat out despised about corporate safety programs. If there is a real life safety unicorn, it wasn’t listed on the radio show. But for those of you who love retro ESN comics… feel free to indulge in The Best of Safety Unicorn!
Where it all started…
Evil Squirrel's Nest 
not sure if I would kiss the possum… maybe after 12 bottles of pop?
Then you’d need 12 bottles of Listerine as well…
Thanks for the retro comic “fix”……..they always cracked me up! Interesting contents of your refrigerator – especially the chocolate frosting…..antique frosting is a rather niche type of collection but probably could make you some bucks on eBay!
Pam
I’m sure selling expired frosting under the pretense of antiques is perfectly acceptable by eBay standards! Hey, I make a ton of money off of there flipping all of the dead possum meat I have lying around for…. um… no particular reason at all!
Clearly, Ody is not modest one hair’s worth. Elsa is my smelly one. I wonder who in the heck the same food that’s fed to the boys around the Ranch seems so differently coming from her. Good lord!
Those safety seminars can be real eye-rolling dull. As a former fire warden for the firm which occupied 7 floors of a high rise, the only plus for attending the ‘training’ every year was the ball and chain to my desk was unlocked for a couple of hours. But seeing that Great White concert fire every year always managed to open my eyes as to the importance of paying attention and safety.
Biskit has had some kind of issue for a while that the vet hasn’t been able to solve… gassy and smelly as hell.
The safety peeve is more to do with the whole strict procedural aspect of it… there’s just something so Dilbertesque about how it’s usually applied. Some of those scenarios above were actually inspired by real life, like unrelated accident claims being denied for failure to do pre-work stretching, or when I almost killed myself at Jack in the Box falling over one of those yellow Wet Floor signs. And then there was the time my back problems finally went away when I chucked the company mandated back brace in the garbage can…
Let me address that “cola wars map” for a minute, NO the yellowish part are NOT the only ones that matter. You know Evil, Shadow told me he had a premonition about this post. And why everyone in red decides to just call all soda “Coke” is beyond me. But that’s how they are associated with in these parts, which are red, and since I prefer Dr. Pepper, I call it a Dr. Pepper, lol.
The cola wars comment was directed at a certain someone who I’ve had a longstanding “friendly” game of soda/pop with for a long time! (She lives in a dark blue area) We had a Chicago transplant work on my shift for a few years… nice guy and a great worker, but every time he referred to soda as pop, it was literally like nails on a chalkboard and threw me out of the conversation like a bad reference in a book! I was kinda surprised that “coke” serves as a third entry in the war… but that may be because Coke is third class citizen where I live behind Pepsi and your beloved Dr. Pepper.
Hells yes Pop is like nails on a chalkboard, lol. And thank you for acknowledging my Dr. Pepper…it’s much appreciated.
Thanks Bill (aka E.S.) for Sharing Your ‘Safe’ World with everyone. Laughter is indeed the best medicine and I relished (the kind without chileh corns) the trot down retro-strip lane… I am glad to read that I’m not alone in having 32 different kinds of beverages ‘on hand’ in case my tastes require a change from the REAL thing – coke. I had some P-word in the fridge once, but I think it expired so I gave it to a homeless person who was real glad to get some pop. Any pop. Sugar pops… mm Uh, where was I? Oh yeah. Thanks Evil Squirrel for being a safety unicorn, even around a cat (the first I’ve ever seen too) who rolls over to have his belly scritched, I didn’t think cats did that
Good on ya for getting his insulin for him too. You’re a good owner!
Ody’s a tummy cat. He’s the rare feline who actually likes to get his belly rubbed. It helps that he has the perfect Buddha belly for it…. even after losing a good five pounds or so this year due to a string of unfortunate events beginning with the respiratory infection he got courtesy of my messy plumbers in December…
Oh thank thank you. It was SUCH a treat to see your comics again. I miss them. They always make me laugh and remind me of having to wear hard toed shoes or I could get to the bathroom because I had to pass through the work area. The shoes were a misery and the bathroom was a long long way from MY office.
I’ve tried adding more of the old comics to my posts, because I did so many, and it’s been so long now, that there’s a few I don’t even remember drawing. Thank goodness for tags!
It’s a comic strip bonanza!
I’m glad you explained the Coke – you can be Coke or you can be Pepsi, but you can’t be both…
I have been known to mix both together in the same cup, which makes purists of one brand or the other cringe. It’s all cola to me…
I live in one of those weird areas where we call it pop. Once we went to a Jack in the Box and the old guy at the counter asked us if we wanted “sody pop” and we just looked at each other like WTF? It took us many long, awkward seconds to figure out what he was saying and that was long before we got old and half deaf!
Good Lord, that oldest can of frosting is coming up on it’s 10th birthday! An open can of frosting doesn’t make it 10 days in this house with my sugar addicted youngest around. I have to hide the sody pop and the frosting in my bedroom, otherwise they just disappear. Chips too. And I wish I had a secret freezer for ice cream as well.
Yeah, I think I’d take the elevator ride with BO and wet dog odor over an elevator ride with a recently used cat litter box. Frosty and Scooby had strangely, extra-stinky crap too. And Frosty’s was always kind of orange and runny and he never could get his ass all the way into the box. When I miss having a cat, I just remember having to clean that mess up!
There are a few people around here who call it “sody!” In fact, the only time someone calling it “pop” won’t make me cringe is if it’s part of the phrase “sody pop.” That’s a very Midwestern thing. I’ve always wondered how my area became a “soda” island in a pop dominated Midwest, and I guess it’s because we latched onto the sody part of sody pop!
I have no use for frosting other than the cupcakes, so once they’re gone, I’m done with it. I just have such a bad habit of never throwing things away. There’s a box of microwave popcorn I bought not long after I moved in here way up in the top of one of my cabinets that I never finished. I think its expiration date is a tad older than my eldest can of frosting! And that can has to be at least 10 years old now since it was undoubtedly the one bought for my birthday in 2010… when I turned 35 and thought THAT was old!!!
Science experiment time: open the oldest can of frosting and see what is or, possibly worse, what isn’t growing there?
The can that expired 11 years ago is just hardened beyond use frosting. Maybe a lighter shade of brown, but nothing more than the mummified remains of icing…
So crazy. So… You gonna toss it? Or back into the fridge it goes?
It went right back in… it isn’t hurting anything and I’ve got plenty of room. I can turn it into a lifetime science project…