SEYMOUR: Mail call, Santa!
SANTA: Dammit, Seymour! Can’t you see I’m busy sexting with the Tooth Fairy right now?
SEYMOUR: Is that why your yule log is exposed, sir?
SANTA: (Zips fly on the fly) If you weren’t already ineligible to receive gifts as an employee of North Pole Enterprises, LLC I’d have your ass on the naughty list! Now take all of this junk mail and feed it to the reindeer!
SEYMOUR: It’s not junk mail, Santa! It’s letters from the Shelf critters!
SANTA: Like I said, junk mail! Sigh, oh fuck, like I have anything better to do now that I’ve had to cover up my tender vegetation. (Rips open a random letter) Might as well get this over with…
SANTA: A skateboard? What is this, the fucking 90’s? Damn mail’s so slow out here in the boonies. Well, should I make their Christmas a happy one or not?
SCRAT THE RED NOSED SQUIRRELDEER: SQUEEEEEEEEEEALLLLLL!!!!
SANTA: Oh, who asked you, circus freak?
SPONKIE 2: Oh look! Santa brought us a skateboard just like I wanted!
SPONKIE 1: You mean WE wanted, Sis.
SPONKIE 2: Something like that. Hey you, get off our skateboard!
NINJA ON A SKATEBOARD: Try and touch my skateboard, and I’ll cut off your toes!
SPONKIE 1: We have hooves, sir. We don’t have any toes.
NINJA: That’s because I already stealthily cut them off right in front of your eyes!
SPONKIE 2: I hope Santa saved the receipt!