Letters To Santa – Day 1

SEYMOUR: Mail call, Santa!

SANTA: Dammit, Seymour!  Can’t you see I’m busy sexting with the Tooth Fairy right now?

SEYMOUR: Is that why your yule log is exposed, sir?

SANTA: (Zips fly on the fly) If you weren’t already ineligible to receive gifts as an employee of North Pole Enterprises, LLC I’d have your ass on the naughty list!  Now take all of this junk mail and feed it to the reindeer!

SEYMOUR: It’s not junk mail, Santa!  It’s letters from the Shelf critters!

SANTA: Like I said, junk mail!  Sigh, oh fuck, like I have anything better to do now that I’ve had to cover up my tender vegetation.  (Rips open a random letter) Might as well get this over with…

SANTA: A skateboard?  What is this, the fucking 90’s?  Damn mail’s so slow out here in the boonies.  Well, should I make their Christmas a happy one or not?


SANTA: Oh, who asked you, circus freak?

Christmas morning…

SPONKIE 2: Oh look!  Santa brought us a skateboard just like I wanted!

SPONKIE 1: You mean WE wanted, Sis.

SPONKIE 2: Something like that.  Hey you, get off our skateboard!

NINJA ON A SKATEBOARD: Try and touch my skateboard, and I’ll cut off your toes!

SPONKIE 1: We have hooves, sir.  We don’t have any toes.

NINJA: That’s because I already stealthily cut them off right in front of your eyes!

SPONKIE 2: I hope Santa saved the receipt!


About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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18 Responses to Letters To Santa – Day 1

  1. a skateboard? is not on my wishlist this year … but I like the idea that it comes with a ninja guy… maybe it can be added to all gifts?

  2. Well I think it’s a most reasonable request – only ONE ITEM on a Christmas list is quite easily dealt with. I’ve seen some kids’ lists that are three pages long. AND I know of some parents who actually would GET three pages of wishlist gifts for the little greedy rugrats!


  3. BWAHAHAHAHA!! Well as long as the old guy brings some COMPETENT new leadership for America in the coming year, he can terrify and disappoint children all over the globe. Prepares them for their adult lives, don’t you know? (and laying a finger aside of his nose, and giving a wink, up the chimney he rose…)

  4. Hahahaha. 🙂 Can’t wait for the next letter.

  5. There’s “been good, ben naughty and then there’s I tried.” These letters should be interesting.

  6. draliman says:

    I can’t believe Ninja has nicked their skateboard. Though I’m not going to argue with him.

  7. Now I’m officially singing “Santa’s Coming and He’s gonna kick your ass” (Arrogant Worms)!

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