Letters To Santa – Day 2

SANTA: Well, I can’t use the heated spa since Blitzen shit in the Jacuzzi again!  I guess I’ll pass my precious time by reading another whiny letter from a needy Shelf critter.  Wait, this isn’t a letter!  It’s just another goddamn solicitation for Medicare supplemental insurance!  I live close enough to Canada that I get my health care for free!  Even if I am still on the waiting list for surgery for my Cabbage Patch hernia I got in 1984.  Fuck, this isn’t even addressed to me!  “To Scrat the Red Nosed Squirreldeer or Current Occupant…”

SANTA: How in the hell did YOU get on a mailing list for health insurance!?!?

SCRAT: SQUEEEEEEEEEEALLLLLL!!!!

SANTA: Why did I even fucking ask?  Alright (Uses an icepick to open the next letter)…

SANTA: I’ve already got PETA on my ass for using reindeer to pull my sleigh around the world in one night!  I’ll be damned if I’m sending you a puppy!  But maybe……

Hung Lo’s Winter Gift Giving Holiday Of Choice’s morning…

HUNG LO: Ummmmmm….. this one ugly puppy.

BUSTER: Woof! Woof!

HUNG LO: Must be mistake.  You aren’t puppy.

BUSTER: (Sitting up and begging) Can I lick your face?

HUNG LO: Eh…. maybe customers won’t notice difference in meat.

BUSTER: Would you like me to fetch you something master?

HUNG LO: Yes.  Fetch Hung Lo’s cleaver…

About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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14 Responses to Letters To Santa – Day 2

  1. hahaha… we love that name… it sounds… well ya know… like da nelly , da kennel club wrote his name wrong and now it sounds like da #147 from a chinese menu card hahahaha

  2. Frankly I’m fairly certain nobody would notice a slight difference in taste from the usual puppy-laced menu items to one featuring “the possum who died a thousand deaths”……say……that sounds like a menu item already doesn’t it?

    Pam

  3. franhunne4u says:

    Poor Buster, aiming to please, hoping to get a friendly owner … and busted again. This Critter is the only one I have a shred of sympathy for – maybe because he usually does not survive the episodes 😉

  4. Confusius (sp??) say: Buster Beware! Fat gold man in future will spit your infinitives…

  5. Nooooooooo, not sweet Buster!!

  6. draliman says:

    Poor Buster. Quite a cold-blooded act by Santa, that nasty piece of work (just kidding, Santa, please visit me this Christmas).

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