SANTA: Seymour! I’m heading to the john to “deliver a load of coal down the chimney” and read another letter. If anyone disturbs me, I’ll dump itching powder in your tights!
SEYMOUR: Like you did last week after I let that call from Tina go through to you? Speaking of, isn’t that Tina’s wish list from last year you’re lugging around?
SANTA: It sure is! It’s not as soft as Charmin, but it lasts twice as long and you can’t beat free toilet paper! Now it’s time for Santa to sit on his real throne…
SANTA: Seriously!?!? Reindeer are supposed to shit in the woods with the bears! You better un-ass my toilet before I decide to have venison for Christmas dinner this year…
SCRAT THE RED NOSED SQUIRRELDEER: SQUEEEEEEEEEEALLLLLL!!!!
SANTA: Sigh, at least I’ll have a fresh load of reindeer droppings to put in the naughty kids’ stockings…
SANTA: Aw, you poor pitiful thing. I’ll gladly make sure you get the one thing you desperately need…
Christmas morning…
TROLL: Dafuq?
Evil Squirrel's Nest 
I’ll second that wish, but is it possible to exchange the play station with dior boots?
That would depend on which would cost Santa more moneeh. Even Santa’s pockets are only so deep…
HAHAHAHA……Santa never disappoints…..well – almost never!
Pam
For not disappointing he has a remarkable record of 3 out of 3 this time so far.
He better hope his customer service record is that good when the inevitable returns come back from this series…
Ask and you shall receive. Just be careful what you ask for!
BWAHAHAHHAHA!! The very thing I’ve always thought that troll needed (besides having his cap dry cleaned. It must reek…) Anyhoo. Thanks for the continuing Seasonal Snickers. Just what I wanted and all!!
I’m afraid he might break that comb. The Troll hair probably hasn’t been WASHED in 20 years either…
Maybe everyone will GET toilet paper this year. The good stuff that’s so soft are asses want to sing a hosanna!
The gift that keeps on giving….
our asses
It pays to be very specific when writing to Santa. 🎅🏻
You might need five sheets of paper to describe one item….
Yeah, don’t ever leave the choice of gift up to Santa. Not Shelf Santa, anyway…
Never trust your wishes with an evil winking Santa…