Letters To Santa – Day 4

SEYMOUR: SANTA!!!  Come quick!!  We need your help in the workshop!

SANTA: Dammit, Seymour!  You know I haven’t dabbled in menial labor since I got that promotion to the Big Elf 300 years ago!

SEYMOUR: Mervin added a new chemical to the slime this year, and apparently it eats the flesh right off your bones!  Pokey lost half of his hand, Sylvia burned the points off of her ears, and Benny….. well, I’m afraid both his wife and his mistress are going to be very disappointed in what he lost!

SANTA: Flesh eating slime?  Hey, it sounds like a winner for this Christmas!  Can that shit up so I can deliver it to every kid in the world!  Oh, and make sure to destroy all of the surveillance footage in the workshop.  I don’t want any evidence for workelf’s comp claims.

SEYMOUR: Ummmm (covering the hole burning in his tights)……. yes sir.

SANTA: Now that I’m in a jolly mood, I may as well kill it by reading another letter…

SANTA: (Studying Mary’s petite measurements very closely) Fuck yeah!  I love it when the good little girls send me naked selfies.  Whattaya think of this babe, Scrat?

SCRAT THE RED NOSED SQUIRRELDEER: SQUEEEEEEEEEEALLLLLL!!!!

SANTA: Well, I see where all of your blood’s gone to…

Christmas morning….

SNUGGLE: Hey baby!

MARY: I asked for a teddy!  Not a prevert!

SNUGGLE: Come over here and sit on your new teddy’s lap and slip onto something more comfortable!

MARY: Next year, Santa, I’m sending you some of my grandma’s naked selfies instead!

About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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14 Responses to Letters To Santa – Day 4

  1. ooooh that is more than this little angel can bear hahahaha

  2. BWAHAHAHHAHA!! And a ghost of movies past pops up. “There’s Something About Mary”, the voyeur who got an eyeful of the old lady’s goodies instead of Cameron Diaz’ girls. Now that sort of thing might put the randiest off their oats permanently. And “Mary” (the lambie) looks so innocent too! Beans and franks or franks and beans, Santa? Ho Ho Ho!!

  3. There ought to be a warning label on Snuggle!

    Pam

  4. Sounds like the word ‘Teddy’ is too vague for Santa.

  5. If ONLY Santa had email so the little darling could send an even BETTER pictures of her petite loveliness. We have to keep the old guy happy.

  6. draliman says:

    How did I know without even scrolling down that Snuggle would be there under the tree waiting for her…

  7. So far, my favourite….what does that say about me?

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