SEYMOUR: SANTA!!! Come quick!! We need your help in the workshop!
SANTA: Dammit, Seymour! You know I haven’t dabbled in menial labor since I got that promotion to the Big Elf 300 years ago!
SEYMOUR: Mervin added a new chemical to the slime this year, and apparently it eats the flesh right off your bones! Pokey lost half of his hand, Sylvia burned the points off of her ears, and Benny….. well, I’m afraid both his wife and his mistress are going to be very disappointed in what he lost!
SANTA: Flesh eating slime? Hey, it sounds like a winner for this Christmas! Can that shit up so I can deliver it to every kid in the world! Oh, and make sure to destroy all of the surveillance footage in the workshop. I don’t want any evidence for workelf’s comp claims.
SEYMOUR: Ummmm (covering the hole burning in his tights)……. yes sir.
SANTA: Now that I’m in a jolly mood, I may as well kill it by reading another letter…
SANTA: (Studying Mary’s petite measurements very closely) Fuck yeah! I love it when the good little girls send me naked selfies. Whattaya think of this babe, Scrat?
SCRAT THE RED NOSED SQUIRRELDEER: SQUEEEEEEEEEEALLLLLL!!!!
SANTA: Well, I see where all of your blood’s gone to…
SNUGGLE: Hey baby!
MARY: I asked for a teddy! Not a prevert!
SNUGGLE: Come over here and sit on your new teddy’s lap and slip onto something more comfortable!
MARY: Next year, Santa, I’m sending you some of my grandma’s naked selfies instead!