SEYMOUR: SANTA!!! Come quick!! We need your help in the workshop!
SANTA: Dammit, Seymour! You know I haven’t dabbled in menial labor since I got that promotion to the Big Elf 300 years ago!
SEYMOUR: Mervin added a new chemical to the slime this year, and apparently it eats the flesh right off your bones! Pokey lost half of his hand, Sylvia burned the points off of her ears, and Benny….. well, I’m afraid both his wife and his mistress are going to be very disappointed in what he lost!
SANTA: Flesh eating slime? Hey, it sounds like a winner for this Christmas! Can that shit up so I can deliver it to every kid in the world! Oh, and make sure to destroy all of the surveillance footage in the workshop. I don’t want any evidence for workelf’s comp claims.
SEYMOUR: Ummmm (covering the hole burning in his tights)……. yes sir.
SANTA: Now that I’m in a jolly mood, I may as well kill it by reading another letter…
SANTA: (Studying Mary’s petite measurements very closely) Fuck yeah! I love it when the good little girls send me naked selfies. Whattaya think of this babe, Scrat?
SCRAT THE RED NOSED SQUIRRELDEER: SQUEEEEEEEEEEALLLLLL!!!!
SANTA: Well, I see where all of your blood’s gone to…
SNUGGLE: Hey baby!
MARY: I asked for a teddy! Not a prevert!
SNUGGLE: Come over here and sit on your new teddy’s lap and slip onto something more comfortable!
MARY: Next year, Santa, I’m sending you some of my grandma’s naked selfies instead!
ooooh that is more than this little angel can bear hahahaha
Snuggle’s more than most angels could bear. Except for that devil Big Scrat…
BWAHAHAHHAHA!! And a ghost of movies past pops up. “There’s Something About Mary”, the voyeur who got an eyeful of the old lady’s goodies instead of Cameron Diaz’ girls. Now that sort of thing might put the randiest off their oats permanently. And “Mary” (the lambie) looks so innocent too! Beans and franks or franks and beans, Santa? Ho Ho Ho!!
I’m sure there are grannies out there that take naked selfies in the mirror. I really hope not to run across any of those by accident…
There ought to be a warning label on Snuggle!
I’m sure its in the fine print on the back of his name tag. Perhaps Big Scrat could help read it to everyone…
Sounds like the word ‘Teddy’ is too vague for Santa.
Santa’s judgment may have been clouded by lamb selfies…
Understandable. In a sick sort of way. 😆
If ONLY Santa had email so the little darling could send an even BETTER pictures of her petite loveliness. We have to keep the old guy happy.
How did I know without even scrolling down that Snuggle would be there under the tree waiting for her…
I’ve lost my touch and become predictable! That means SCT probably only has about five seasons remaining before it gets canceled…
So far, my favourite….what does that say about me?
Nothing surprising given how long you’ve tolerated my sense of humo(u)r….