SEYMOUR: Santa! You’ll be happy to know you can check a pony off of Tina’s wish list this year!
SANTA: Fuck Tina! (Turning around) I could care less… what in the frozen hell!?!? That’s a real live pony! I thought you elves only made toys out there!
SEYMOUR: We came to an agreement with the stud farm down the road. They supply us with ponies to give to all of the good little girls who ask for one, and in turn, we supply them with mating partners for their mares!
SANTA: Dafuq kind of kinky shit are you elves doing behind my back!?!?
SEYMOUR: The reindeer, sir. We lend them our reindeer as studs.
SANTA: If I ever catch one of my reindeer mounting anything other than my sleigh, I’ll….
SANTA: I know a certain reindeer that’s going to be providing the Rocky Mountain oysters for this year’s holiday party! I gotta clear this shit out of my head with another stupid ass letter…
SANTA: I see you returned that industrial sized bottle of Midol I sent you five years ago. So you want a body spray to improve your appearance. No problem, bitch…
VAL: I’m killing that bastard.
Noooooo! Think of the children! They’ll be so disappointed!
VAL: That’s what I call a win/win!
Well that will teach Val to be such an ungrateful cow – er – I mean unicorn!
Uh oh! Now she’s going to throw that can of flea and tick spray through your window!
I knew a “Val” as a teenager and she was the most obnoxious cow. Looks like she grew up to fulfill her early ‘promise’ of being a total bitch. LOL. But I suppose she bought into that whole “the squeaky wheel gets the grease” idea…
I came up with my personality for Val because she just has that ornery look to her, and since she’s stuck inside a mug, I figured if that happened to me, I wouldn’t be the most cheerful person in the world either. Besides, how many pissy unicorns are out there?
Ah, Val, she’s my kinda girl. Treat me mean. Sorry, this is the Unicorn Fetishists’ website, yes?
I guess so since I have this photo in my archive…
Val, Val, Val…don’t you know you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar?
I don’t think Val uses vinegar, I think she baits her traps with Drano…