Letters To Santa – Day 7

SANTA: What in the twelve days of Christmas is going on!?!?  I know it can get foggy up here when all this arctic ice is melting, but I can’t see my beard in front of my own face in my private cottage!

SEYMOUR: I was just here to report, sir…. one of the pipes in your sauna burst and is shooting hot water everywhere!  Our workshop is full of steam as well!

SANTA: Dammit!  Do you know how much it costs to get a plumber all the way out here in Bumfuck Iceland!  Oh well, on the bright side, it’s too steamy for me to be able to read another stupid letter from the Shelf critters!

SCRAT THE RED NOSED SQUIRRELDEER: SQUEEEEEEEEEEALLLLLL!!!!

SEYMOUR: Santa!  Now you can see well enough to honor another child’s wish!

SANTA: Scrat with your nose so bright, won’t you go eat shit and die?  Sigh… (puts on his spectacles and gets out another letter)

SANTA: You wanna see magic, huh?  Let me show you how we fix EVERYTHING on planet earth…

December 25th morning…

SHADOW: What is this silvery adhesive roll?  It’s certainly doesn’t have any magical properties.  I see I have once again outsmarted the miserably stupid people on this pathetic rock orbiting the sun.  This shiny wheel serves no practical purpose at all!

Oh, but it does Shadow!  Duct tape fixes everything!

SHADOW: That’s preposterous!  No sorcery can solve every problem!

This sorcery can.  Here, let me show you….

SHADOW: Mphfdk mmpphhs mmmmmpppppffff!!!!!

It’s a Christmas miracle!  Duct tape makes everything peachy keen again!  Better living through sorcery…

About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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21 Responses to Letters To Santa – Day 7

  1. shadow!!! you got the most magical item and the most important one… our dad said that stuff holds the world together… and we have it everywhere in our house… you can do the most fabulous things with it… try it… with buster maybe…

  2. Excellent ! Duct tape is the answer to many things including a mouthy Umbreon. I do have a recommendation on who might be interested in the burst sauna pipe (if duct tape doesn’t work of course)…….the plumbing company who worked on Evil Squirrel’s kitchen plumbing dis-ass-ter. Yeah….they know how to handle stuff like that – it would be a piece of cake!

    Pam

    • I’d love to see that plumbing crew’s jackhammer try to get through the arctic tundra! Poor Santa will have to cancel a decade’s worth of Christmases to pay the bill, though…

  3. Hey, Shadow is only speaking the truth here, and Santa will get a duct taping of his own.
    Signed,
    Shadow Supporter #1

  4. franhunne4u says:

    Duct tape, a paper clip and a carton of orange juice – and you can build a nuclear power plant, no??

  5. Alas, duct tape cures all problems, real or perceived.

  6. Whaddya know? Duct tape ‘fixed’ my dol-drums this morning too! Magical stuff indeed! BWAAHAHHAHA (someone finally found out how to silence Shadow (for a while)…

  7. Santa lives in Arctic Canada, not Iceland. 😉

  8. draliman says:

    Back when I was doing my PhD we actually used duct tape to hold some of our experimental equipment in place. Budget cuts…

    • Back in the days when you didn’t need to pay some nerd thousands of dollars to pretend to fix something that just needed some duct tape. You know, has anyone done their doctoral thesis on the wonder that is duct tape?

  9. Duct tape can’t fix stupid but it can muffle the sound!

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