SANTA: Dafuq is he doing?
SEYMOUR: He’s charging his nose, sir! You don’t think his battery just runs forever, do you?
SCRAT THE RED NOSED SQUIRRELDEER: (At 69% charge) SQUEEEEEEEEEEALLLLLL!!!!
SANTA: You’ve got to be shitting me! And where is that cord connected to…. wait, don’t tell me! I don’t want to know!!! I’m just going to pretend I didn’t see this and go read another miserable Shelf critter letter…
SEYMOUR: Oh Santa! You can’t honor this sick request! I’ll run this through the shredder and notify Chris Hansen…
SANTA: (Stomping on Seymour’s hand with his boot) I damn well WILL give this critter just what he wants! Haven’t you learned anything at the foot of your master yet? One naughty little girl coming right up….
Christmas morning…
SNUGGLE: Fuck yeah! A little younger than I expected, but you won’t see Uncle Snuggie complaining! Hey little girl! Want a lollipop?
SNUGGLE: Whoa, bitch!!!
ZEEBA: Zeeba likes to eat her lollipops with a knife! Why don’t you come back to my windowless tricycle, Mr. Prevert, and we’ll make this a bloody bloody Christmas! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD!
SNUGGLE: OW!!! HELLLLLLLLLLLLP!!!!!!
You should’ve just asked for Big Scrat, Uncle Snuggie….
Evil Squirrel's Nest 
Now, that is the first time I will join into little Zeeba’s war cry!
To paraphrase Depeche Mode, enjoy the violence…
Proof that everyone should be CAREFUL what they wish for!!!! (although I bet Zeeba is getting HER wish….BLOOOOOOOOD!).
Pam
Santa knows better than to snub Zeeba’s demands on Christmas, or he’ll get sleigh-jacked trying to make an escape…
we are afraid, that one naughty girl will be our mama… yiiiikes!!!
I think her protectors would turn Snuggle into a pile of snow…
Love the letters. 🙂
That’s good, because my critters hate writing assignments. They may not be getting their wishes, but at least their efforts haven’t been made in vain…
Always important to be very, very specific in your letters to Santa, Uncle Snuggie. Hopefully it’s been a well earned lesson.
If there’s any critter on the Shelf who has the most difficulty learning lessons from past mistakes, it’s Snuggle Bear.
Yay! I do enjoy Zeeba’s enthusiasm…
She’s so much fun to observe………. from a safe distance.
Man. Beware what you wish for, because you just might get it. Then it will ‘cut’ you…..
Well, if anyone deserves a visit from Zeeba, it’s good old Uncle Snuggie the prevert. After her visit, he just might start missing Scrat!