SANTA: Dafuq is he doing?
SEYMOUR: He’s charging his nose, sir! You don’t think his battery just runs forever, do you?
SCRAT THE RED NOSED SQUIRRELDEER: (At 69% charge) SQUEEEEEEEEEEALLLLLL!!!!
SANTA: You’ve got to be shitting me! And where is that cord connected to…. wait, don’t tell me! I don’t want to know!!! I’m just going to pretend I didn’t see this and go read another miserable Shelf critter letter…
SEYMOUR: Oh Santa! You can’t honor this sick request! I’ll run this through the shredder and notify Chris Hansen…
SANTA: (Stomping on Seymour’s hand with his boot) I damn well WILL give this critter just what he wants! Haven’t you learned anything at the foot of your master yet? One naughty little girl coming right up….
SNUGGLE: Fuck yeah! A little younger than I expected, but you won’t see Uncle Snuggie complaining! Hey little girl! Want a lollipop?
SNUGGLE: Whoa, bitch!!!
ZEEBA: Zeeba likes to eat her lollipops with a knife! Why don’t you come back to my windowless tricycle, Mr. Prevert, and we’ll make this a bloody bloody Christmas! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD!
SNUGGLE: OW!!! HELLLLLLLLLLLLP!!!!!!
You should’ve just asked for Big Scrat, Uncle Snuggie….