Letters To Santa – Day 11


SANTA: What?  More mail?  I really need to get an unlisted address.  Say, why were you hanging around the mailbox anyway?


SANTA: If you were waiting for this month’s Playsquirreldeer, I saw Seymour nab it yesterday and head for the outhouse.  Good luck getting the pages unstuck.  Now, let’s see which overgrown kid wrote me today…

SANTA: That poor mother!  I’m so glad I never had any kids.

SEYMOUR: Well, sir, none that you had to raise yourself.  I mean, you do have us send thousands of presents all over the world each September 25th for some reason….

SANTA: Don’t even go there, Seymour!  I’m just…… obeying court orders.  That’s all.  Now, what do I get for the Shelf’s Greatest Mom?  Aha!  Time to kill two doves with one stone…

SQUIRREL CHILD 2: Mommy!  Look!

SQUIRREL MOM: What’s going on here!?!?

BEARCAT: Hiya, Mrs. Squirrel!  We’re all orphans from all over the world, and Santa thought that since you were the Shelf’s Greatest Mom, that you’d be the perfect critter to raise us all!


CHILD 4: I got new brothers and sisters!

LITTLEST: I’m still the favorite, or I’m telling Mommy!!!

SQUIRREL MOM: This is nonsense.  I am not taking care of…

BEARCAT: The adoption papers are all official!  And there’s four more buses full of kids outside waiting to come in!  You’re the BEST MOMMY EVER!!!!

SQUIRREL MOM: Santa……. they’ll never find your body underneath the arctic ice when I’m done with you.  (Retrieving her hatchet) But first……


About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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13 Responses to Letters To Santa – Day 11

  1. wow squirrel mom….the arctic ice is no good hiding place…. it will melt away soon said this brat with the accent of the da danish chef…

  2. Perhaps Santa could load all those orphan kids on his sleigh Christmas Eve and redistribute them one per household all ’round the world – stuff one in a stocking hung by the chimney with care and voila – problem solved!


  3. Trisha says:

    I normally don’t condone the slaughter of critters but, as someone who should have am empty nest by now but can’t seem to get the chicks to leave, I have to side with Squirrel Mom on this one!

    • Maybe you can ask Santa to come pick the chicks up, and he’ll deliver them to new nests. You might have to visit Uncle Snuggie to see them again…

      • Trisha says:

        Having Santa re-gift our chicks would certainly be easier than the plan we have to encourage them to the leave the nest. We plan to 1) move to a much smaller house in a much less convenient rural location, 2) have no TV service and 3) have no internet (at least that they know about.) I’m sure dealing with the likes of Uncle Snuggie is more appealing than no internet!

  4. draliman says:

    Santa didn’t think this one through. Bye bye, Santa…

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