SEYMOUR: Santa! What are you doing?
SANTA: I’m crossing the Indian Ocean in a kayak. What in the fuck does it look like I’m doing, Seymour!?!?
SEYMOUR: You can’t smoke that pipe, Santa! Most places don’t allow smoking these days!
SANTA: You think Santa Claus has to obey stupid human rules? You better think again, pointy ears! I’m an old school Santa who likes to have smoke encircling my head like a wreath. Now if only I had a lighter…
SCRAT THE RED NOSED SQUIRRELDEER: SQUEEEEEEEEEEALLLLLL!!!!
SANTA: Damn, you’re actually good for something besides annoying comic relief! Now that I got my tobacco fix, I can properly read another idiotic letter…
SANTA: Girl, you have no idea what you’re getting yourself into! But if that’s what you want…
BIG SCRAT: Hello, I’m your co-star for the upcoming episode of Shelf Critt…. ummmm, there must be a mistake!
HEDDY: OMG! I get to star with Big Scrat in SCT!!! I’ve always had such a big crush on you, cutie!!!
BIG SCRAT: B-b-but…… hold on, lady! I don’t swing that way!
HEDDY: (Rushing Big Scrat) You do now!
HEDDY: Oooooh! Now I see why they call you BIG Scrat! I’ll bet even Mitzi hasn’t sampled this sausage yet!
BIG SCRAT: Stop it right now! This isn’t how these Letters To Santa are supposed to work! You’re the one who’s supposed to get the bad surprise!
HEDDY: (Hopping “aboard”) OMG! This is the dream of every groupie! To make it with their idol! I need to take a selfie for Instacrap!
BIG SCRAT: You can’t violate me like this! I’m being sexually harassed! HEEEEELLLLLPPPP!!!!!
SNUGGLE: What was that? I can’t hear you over the crunching of these chips. I’mma rate this the best episode ever!
HEDDY: Bounce, bounce, bounce!
BIG SCRAT: NOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!