Letters To Santa – Day 14

SEYMOUR: Santa!  What are you doing?

SANTA: I’m crossing the Indian Ocean in a kayak.  What in the fuck does it look like I’m doing, Seymour!?!?

SEYMOUR: You can’t smoke that pipe, Santa!  Most places don’t allow smoking these days!

SANTA: You think Santa Claus has to obey stupid human rules?  You better think again, pointy ears!  I’m an old school Santa who likes to have smoke encircling my head like a wreath.  Now if only I had a lighter…


SANTA: Damn, you’re actually good for something besides annoying comic relief!  Now that I got my tobacco fix, I can properly read another idiotic letter…

SANTA: Girl, you have no idea what you’re getting yourself into!  But if that’s what you want…

Christmas morning…

BIG SCRAT: Hello, I’m your co-star for the upcoming episode of Shelf Critt…. ummmm, there must be a mistake!

HEDDY: OMG!  I get to star with Big Scrat in SCT!!!  I’ve always had such a big crush on you, cutie!!!

BIG SCRAT: B-b-but…… hold on, lady!  I don’t swing that way!

HEDDY: (Rushing Big Scrat) You do now!

HEDDY: Oooooh!  Now I see why they call you BIG Scrat!  I’ll bet even Mitzi hasn’t sampled this sausage yet!

BIG SCRAT: Stop it right now!  This isn’t how these Letters To Santa are supposed to work!  You’re the one who’s supposed to get the bad surprise!

HEDDY: (Hopping “aboard”) OMG!  This is the dream of every groupie!  To make it with their idol!  I need to take a selfie for Instacrap!

BIG SCRAT: You can’t violate me like this!  I’m being sexually harassed!  HEEEEELLLLLPPPP!!!!!

SNUGGLE: What was that?  I can’t hear you over the crunching of these chips.  I’mma rate this the best episode ever!

HEDDY: Bounce, bounce, bounce!

BIG SCRAT: NOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!


About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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16 Responses to Letters To Santa – Day 14

  1. Heddy and the resident Bimbocorn ought to get along well – perhaps double trouble for the residents of the Shelf with loose morals???? (wait…..that’s just about everyone right???).


  2. hahahaha… well at least I’m gald she got not the part of buster… he is a star too, right?

  3. O_o Uh… the adaptability of that uh, coupling, (o my virgin eyes) blows (no pun intended) my logic. This blog is rated um, what again? O_o Imagine. And Heddy had such promise too, seemed poised to play the …Clearly she needs Henry under her .. ah…. tree. Henry (to refresh your recollection because why would random facts about others’ lives be important?) is Ziggy’s uh.. HEDGEHOG ‘companion” herm koff koff bitch erm… yeah.

    • Heddy’s a big time groupie… she only has eyes on the biggest stars in the critterverse. Maybe when Henry makes a big movie, or at least a decent porno, she’ll show some interest…

  4. Poor Scrat…getting the wrong end. Again. Is anyone from SCT NOT on the naughty list?

  5. draliman says:

    Wow, that’s quite a starring debut. Heddy’s certainly shaking up the Shelf dynamic!

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