SEYMOUR: Santa! What are you doing?
SANTA: I’m crossing the Indian Ocean in a kayak. What in the fuck does it look like I’m doing, Seymour!?!?
SEYMOUR: You can’t smoke that pipe, Santa! Most places don’t allow smoking these days!
SANTA: You think Santa Claus has to obey stupid human rules? You better think again, pointy ears! I’m an old school Santa who likes to have smoke encircling my head like a wreath. Now if only I had a lighter…
SCRAT THE RED NOSED SQUIRRELDEER: SQUEEEEEEEEEEALLLLLL!!!!
SANTA: Damn, you’re actually good for something besides annoying comic relief! Now that I got my tobacco fix, I can properly read another idiotic letter…
SANTA: Girl, you have no idea what you’re getting yourself into! But if that’s what you want…
BIG SCRAT: Hello, I’m your co-star for the upcoming episode of Shelf Critt…. ummmm, there must be a mistake!
HEDDY: OMG! I get to star with Big Scrat in SCT!!! I’ve always had such a big crush on you, cutie!!!
BIG SCRAT: B-b-but…… hold on, lady! I don’t swing that way!
HEDDY: (Rushing Big Scrat) You do now!
HEDDY: Oooooh! Now I see why they call you BIG Scrat! I’ll bet even Mitzi hasn’t sampled this sausage yet!
BIG SCRAT: Stop it right now! This isn’t how these Letters To Santa are supposed to work! You’re the one who’s supposed to get the bad surprise!
HEDDY: (Hopping “aboard”) OMG! This is the dream of every groupie! To make it with their idol! I need to take a selfie for Instacrap!
BIG SCRAT: You can’t violate me like this! I’m being sexually harassed! HEEEEELLLLLPPPP!!!!!
SNUGGLE: What was that? I can’t hear you over the crunching of these chips. I’mma rate this the best episode ever!
HEDDY: Bounce, bounce, bounce!
BIG SCRAT: NOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!
Heddy and the resident Bimbocorn ought to get along well – perhaps double trouble for the residents of the Shelf with loose morals???? (wait…..that’s just about everyone right???).
Heddy seems like the jealous type… Mitzi might want to watch her back! Heddy might get everyone in her little black book…
hahahaha… well at least I’m gald she got not the part of buster… he is a star too, right?
I’m sure Heddy would be downright giddy if she got to kill Buster. She’d never wash her murder weapon again…
Uh… the adaptability of that uh, coupling, (o my virgin eyes) blows (no pun intended) my logic. This blog is rated um, what again? Imagine. And Heddy had such promise too, seemed poised to play the …Clearly she needs Henry under her .. ah…. tree. Henry (to refresh your recollection because why would random facts about others’ lives be important?) is Ziggy’s uh.. HEDGEHOG ‘companion” herm koff koff bitch erm… yeah.
Heddy’s a big time groupie… she only has eyes on the biggest stars in the critterverse. Maybe when Henry makes a big movie, or at least a decent porno, she’ll show some interest…
Poor Scrat…getting the wrong end. Again. Is anyone from SCT NOT on the naughty list?
By definition not:
Seriesly challenged Tramps
That is what SCT stands for, non?
🤣 That’s probably more accurate than anything else!
Stupid Crappy Theatre
It is neither stupid, nor crappy, I have to disagree with you on that.
I am the king of self depreciation. And not in a bad way… I think people should not take themselves so seriously.
Ricky the Praying Raccoon. But his piousness always gets him in trouble on the Shelf…
Wow, that’s quite a starring debut. Heddy’s certainly shaking up the Shelf dynamic!
And to think, her idol Big Scrat started out the same way. Just ask Uncle Snuggie as soon as he stops enjoying the scene…