SANTA: Who in the hell found this shitty ass Christmas tree that’s making my cabin look like a dump?
SEYMOUR: I think the tree looks beautiful, Santa! Someone tried really hard to set up the festive atmosphere with this…
SANTA: Bullshit! Even Charlie Brown would have stomped on this pathetic weed! It’s a fake tree with fake Christmas lights to go with all of these fake letters I have to find fake gifts for…
SCRAT THE RED NOSED SQUIRRELDEER: SQUEEEEEEEEEEALLLLLL!!!!
SANTA: And that nose is fake as well!
SEYMOUR: I think it’s cute!
SANTA: There is nothing cute about a squirrel with a bingo dauber cap hanging on its nose trying to play a reindeer! Fuck it, I may as well play along and do my fake job now…
SEYMOUR: Oh dear, Santa! I’m afraid the elves don’t make those kind of toys in the workshop!
SANTA: Seymour… go back to twisting paper clips into Slinkys and leave the gifting to the expert! I know exactly what kind of toy this lady needs…
Christmas morning…
MITZI: OMG! Like, Santy Wanty! Why are you totally still in Mitzi’s house after stuffing her silk stockings with lots of goodies?
SANTA: Can’t you tell, honey. I’m your new toy! I figured this gift required a personal touch…
MITZI: Santa! You’re, like, such a naughty boy! Like, Mitzi’s gonna have to get her donna matrix outfit and totally punish you!
SANTA: Oh goodie! I’m so glad Mrs. Claus doesn’t read this blog…
Evil Squirrel's Nest 
welllllll… that should be easy, there are some dog doys by kong what totally look like the perfect one for that girl ;O)
I’m sure Mitzi has tried those before. Just ask Fleabag…
Santa wants us to think he’s fulfilling Mitzi’s wishes but I have this feeling that he’s fulfilling HIS biggest wish! Naughty Santa!
Pam
Santa is just as greedy as all those kids who want ponies and iPhones…
And Santa Baby slipped her a present under the tree. Fortunately that bingo dauber cap which doubles as a reindeer nose and which this blogger totally mistook for something else; could triple as a ahem koff koff erm love glove in a pinch. And they all had a great night…(save Mrs. Claus who is the real one who is watching to see who is naughty or nice. Santa got another surprise when he got home again, a mandatory march to the Health Department (no hatin’ on Mitzi. I’m sure she’s a really careful unicorn and all…)
I’m not sure I’d want to put the cap back on after it was used for….. that. Though after about a seven year layoff, I think my bingo days are done. I’m sure Santa’s all magical and his pee doesn’t burn, even after it’s swam in the sea of VD that is Mitzi…
To say that was sorta, kinda predictable is a bit of an overstatement. But what the hay, a girl and her ‘beau’ have needs, right?
I’m sure Santa has needs that Mrs. Claus can’t provide. One of them may be a good divorce attorney…
The needs of a Mitzi baby are right up there on Santa’s own list of what he wants for Christmas. I don’t want to picture the unicorn and Mitzi baby…..ewww….
Shoko
Christmas is always naughty on the shelf…
Santa, you sly dog, you…
One of the perks of the job is getting to volunteer yourself as the “present”…