Letters To Santa – Day 23

SEYMOUR: Checking out the weather report, huh Santa?

SANTA: How very observant of you, Seymour.  What if I was looking at something personal and confidential, you nosy fuck?

SEYMOUR: Oh no, Santa!  Is it really going to get up to 85 degrees tomorrow?  That’s going to make it one slushy launch for the big ride!

SANTA: I could give a shit less about the weather tomorrow!  This is the extended forecast for Costa Rica… and I’m starting my vacation as soon as I get back Friday!

SCRAT THE RED NOSED SQUIRRELDEER:  SQUEEEEEEEEEEALLLLLL!!!!

SANTA: No, you can’t go!  You’re probably a delicacy down there anyway.  Now that I know I can safely pack my speedo, I guess I’ll read a final letter or two…

SANTA: Well, aren’t we all pompous and pious?  Alright then, I’ll set the WABAC Machine for a couple millennia ago…

Christmas morning, about 4 B.C….

TROLL: Say pal, have you seen the Baby Jesus around anywhere?

RICKY: My prayers have been answered!  Someone has remembered the true meaning of Christmas!

TROLL: I’ll ask again… have you seen Baby Jesus around anywhere?

RICKY: I know a star that can point you in the right direction.  Have you come to adore Him?

TROLL: What?  No!  I work for King Herod…

TROLL: I came to slit his little throat!

RICKY: Blasphemy!  I can’t allow you to….

TROLL: Oh, won’t talk, eh?  I guess one more slit throat won’t stain the desert too much…

RICKY: No!  The true meaning of Christmas is supposed to be love!  Not…. AAAAAAAAA!!!!!

TROLL: (Cleaning his blade) There won’t ever be a Christmas if the boss has anything to say about it!

About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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13 Responses to Letters To Santa – Day 23

  1. Quite a sacrifice by Ricky…..just think what could have happened had he been more cooperative in pointing the way. The only winner in this scenario is Zeeba – she’s on cleanup patrol at the Nest !

    Pam

  2. What…little Ricky couldn’t have bitten that little Trolls arm off before the death slice? And here I thought all raccoon were biters.

  3. Trisha says:

    Aw, poor Ricky! I think after this change of events in Christmas past Ricky the Raccoon should be a Christmas…er, what’s the word? Icon? Something like that. I would enjoy having Christmas raccoons around instead of stupid elves or cutsey angels. Not that I have hideous things like around. Snowflakes and twinkle lights are as Christmassy as my house gets.

    • I don’t know if we did this year, but I know one year we sold a Christmas themed raccoon inflatable at Mecca. There was even a skunk one year, which really surprised me! Anything but penguins, though…. they belong to the South Pole and have nothing to do with Christmas folklore!

  4. O_o Uh, okay then. I didn’t ‘see’ that (although I’ll never unsee it either). And here I was all thinking that the Shelf was non-denominational, a bit on the Pagan side, but with respect for all. But then Santa has a potty mouth (another revelation of this Season), and Scrat the pseudo-Rudolph, has an alleged bingo capper on his face (that thing still looks like something pilfered from Mitzi’s stash of ‘special’ toys). It’s Christmas on the Shelf…unique!

    • The Shelf aims to blaspheme. You should’ve seen my retelling of the “Christmas story” I did a few years ago with none other than Mitzi as the “Virgin” Mary. And that I still haven’t been struck by lightning means that God either has a really warped sense of humor, or He’s just as real as my Santa Claus is…

  5. draliman says:

    I’m having trouble unseeing the mental image of Santa in a speedo 😦

  6. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year 2021 to you! Hyvää joulua ja onnellista uutta vuotta 2021!

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