My Hero Zero

a box full of junk

If you don’t like spoilers, then this is the feature for you since even we don’t know what’s going to happen!  It’s time for another edition of Random Image Inspiration, where we pick a bunch of numbers that won’t win us the lottery, but will hopefully find us a picture that we can have a lot of fun creating something stupid with.  And without further ado, to the Randomator, everyone!

37, 65, 58, 59

The 37th post in my Reader was this one by You Know Who (aka, River)

The 65th word in that post is “subzero”

The 58th word in that post is “at”

Putting “subzero at” into Google Images brought this up as the 59th result…

KING TODD: And you are the brave warrior who wants to take on the beast terrorizing my kingdom?

SUBZERO: Yes, Your Majesty!  My name is Subzero, and I come from the frozen wasteland of Siberia!

KING: Why are you wearing short sleeves then?

SUBZERO: Because I am a badass, Sire!  Just like my mother who wears a chainmail bikini!

KING: I’m sorry I asked.  Do you have any fighting skills, young man?

SUBZERO: I am a Level 69 Martial Artist with 84,623 Experience Points and two health point level ups pending!  I am more than trained for the job!

KING: Uhhhh…. OK.  And you intend to slay the beast with…?

SUBZERO: These, Your Majesty!

SUBZERO: In each hand I hold a legendary Ice Axe!

KING: Your weapons are made out of ice?  Young man, our enemy is a dragon!

SUBZERO: These axes are infused with the ice element, which all fire creatures, including your dragon, are weak to!  I will make short work of this menace!

And right on cue…..

RAWWWWWWRRRRRR!!!!!!

SUBZERO: A-HA!!!!  There you are you filthy beast!!!  (Holds his pair of Ice Axes in front of him in an X formation) Now, just watch as I….

A crispy Subzero, trying to hold on to two puddles of water, looks on in shock…

SUBZERO: Curses!  The fire dragon got the first attack!  This isn’t supposed to happen in boss fights!

The dragon begins to let loose another fireball….

SUBZERO: ESCAPE!!!! ESCAPE!!!! (Agility check: Passed!  Subzero makes a run for it)

Having defeated the Level 69 with two pending defense level ups martial artist, the dragon smirks at the King, kidnaps his daughter, and retreats back to his lair…

KING: (Facepalming)Can this situation get any worse?

FOOTMAN: Your Majesty, a Level 42 Paladin with Light Armor and two large mana potions and a random cleric who joined his party would like a shot at defeating the dragon!

KING: Sigh….. sometimes I swear I’ve spawned into a really crappy role playing game…

About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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11 Responses to My Hero Zero

  1. is that buster who is on fire? … ok silly question I know hahahaha

  2. We could use a bit of fire-breathing around these parts. Brr it’s cold. 🥶 No more Subzero characters in February. I may need to put my mittens on just ready about it.

  3. Trisha says:

    How embarrassing that such a tough-looking guy was defeated by a dragon that cute! But he could be beaten by any number of adorable creatures here, if he insisted on using weapons made of ice. We’re supposed to be in the middle of an arctic outbreak of nearly apocalyptic signficance….and it’s still above freezing.

    • We haven’t seen temps above freezing since last Thursday, and the bottom still hasn’t dropped out in this arctic blast yet! The poor squirrels are literally freezing their nuts off, poor guys…

  4. We wanna order two Buster-Burgers with cheese pleeeze.

    Pam

  5. draliman says:

    Se,, what you need is a Sword of Dismemberment +2 (+3 vs dragons) and a couple of really good fire resistance potions…

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