Sign Your Name

a box full of junk

The world’s largest photo album meets the world’s most dangerous imagination.  It’s time for our weekly creative crapshoot we call Random Image Inspiration!  What mysteriously selected numbers will the Randomator give us on this third day of the third month…?

17, 87, 92, 52

The 17th post in my Reader was this one by ghost

The 87th word in that post (wrapping back to the beginning) is “shaped”

The 92nd word in that post is “our”

Putting “shaped our” into Google Images brought this up as the 52nd result…

Shelf critters…. help me out!

UNCLE SAM: I’d like to thank everyone for attending this convention to declare our independence from the tyranny that has oppressed us for far too long….. the news media!

TROLL: Um, you mean the monarchy of Britain, sir.

SAM: Whatever.  I had some of my most talented speechwriters craft this fine Declaration of Independence which I will now read before you all!  Go ahead and read it, Troll.

TROLL: Sir?

SAM: You know I’m illiterate!  How do you think I became Shelf President?

TROLL: Oh, right sir.  (Clears throat and shoots a glob of snot on the historic document)  We the critters, in order to form a more perfect union, must establish….

SAM: Alright, that’s enough!  I’m getting bored.  Let’s get this damn thing signed before it gets too dark to play golf.

SAM: Goody Fuzzywig, you have the honor of going first!

FUZZYWIG: Uhhh, speaking of Goody Stuff, any chance we can postpone this independence thing until April 20th?  July 4th’s a kinda square day to be shooting off fireworks, you know?

SAM: Request denied!  Just sign your name….. and don’t you dare desecrate this fine hemp document by drawing a cannabis leaf on it!

FUZZYWIG: (Scrawling a bunch of squiggly lines) What a waste of fine hemp…

SNUGGLE: Dude!  I’m here to put my John Hancock on this declaration thingy!

SAM: Just take the quill and…

Snuggle starts to undo his breeches…

TROLL: Sir, I think he meant his literal John Hancock!

SAM: Someone’s going to end up in the stocks next Sunday morning!  I’ll alert the warden Big Scrat…

Snuggle quickly signs his name and exits…

Yoooooooooooooooooooooohoooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!

SAM: I’m not sure you can sign this document, ma’am.  The 19th Amendment is still 150 years in the future…

MITZI: Awwwwww, plweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!!!!!!

Mitzi lifts up her dress to reveal her see-through bloomers…

TROLL: I’m sorry, but the Pres…

SAM: Alright, you can sign!

MITZI: YASIES!!!  (Puts down the quill and gets out her hot pink lipstick) I’ll just leave my number for King Georgie Worgie so he can telegraph me for a good time!

CHIP: Alright, I signed.

SAM: What a well behaved citizen we have here!  That’s suspicious and I want him investigated by the CIA when we set that up.

TROLL: Hey Chip, where’s Buster Franklin?  He was supposed to be a part of this delegation too!

CHIP: Oh, he was flying his kite last night and got electrocuted by a lightning strike.

SAM: I don’t remember it storming last night.

CHIP: That’s Buster Franklin for you….

SAM: No way.  You’re not signing anything!

TROLL: Yeah, your gag’s gotten stale!  We don’t want any periods on this declaration!

SAM: That, and you were supposed to warn us that the British were coming!  All you did was gallop through town without raising the alarm!

MR. FOX: .

TROLL: I believe he said they’re coming by land, sir!

MR. FOX: ..

TROLL: No wait…. two if by sea!!!

Mr. Fox is escorted from the building and thrown into Boston Harbor…

SAM: I believe that takes care of the signing!  Let’s go down to the bar and have a couple of Sam Adams…

SHADOW: Not quite, foolish critter!

SAM: Troll, take this……. thing out to be publicly flogged!

SHADOW: I happen to be a Shelf critter as well…… unfortunately.  So I am entitled by decree of this Continental Congress to inscribe my name on this parchment!

SAM: Very well…. do your business and leave before I deport you to the Louisiana Purchase!

SHADOW: There!

SAM: Your name is X?

SHADOW: That’s how I sign my name….. at least until March 5th!

SHADOW: Only two days left, everyone!  We have six entries so far, and would really love to have many more!  Get thee to the Contest of Whatever page and let the X be your guide!

TROLL: So this whole independence movement was just a commercial for the Contest of Whatever?

SAM: How disgraceful!  I’m going to make some very angry tweets about this… once someone invents that, anyway.

About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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17 Responses to Sign Your Name

  1. that’s the way our dad signs all things too, shadow,…maybe you are related?

    • I remember making fun of my Dad for signing his name in such a minimalistic way. Then I became an adult and had to sign my name 87 times a day, and pretty soon, I was doing the same thing!

  2. X marks the G Spot right Mitzi???????

    Pam

  3. ghostmmnc says:

    Yay! Thanks for the mention! So fun to see what words come up, and how you work them into a crazy story with the shelf critters! Also, I’ll be posting my C O W this afternoon. 🙂

    • I find it amusing how many times the two random words will make a phrase that’s common, like “shaped our.” I was hoping for something to work one last CoW plug in, so thanks for being the lucky post to do that!

  4. Talk about a convergence of history here!

  5. See-through bloomers! Oh goodness.

  6. draliman says:

    So that’s how it all went down. It’s like I was there!

  7. I SWEAR (solemnly) that I’m trying to get my C.O.W. aloft, but we’ll have to see. *sigh* I hate it when real life tramples on my virtual one….

  8. amleta says:

    This is a very nice story 🤗🤗🤗

  9. Kismet says:

    No minorities are signing. Where’s Juan Hancock?

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