You Can Leave Your Hat On

I’d get my magnifying glass, but I’m not sure I actually want to see it…

What’s better than starting your week with an awesome lost hit earworm?  Starting it out with TWO awesome lost hit earworms in two days!  The Nest had to call in sick two weeks ago, so we’re making up for that lost Monday muzak feature with a bonus track from that bottomless pit of despair we like to call the Dusty Vinyl Archive!  And what better occasion to make up for lost muzak than my birthday today.  I asked DJ Scratchy to pick out something special for me…. so I’m a little scared.  I’ll just eat some cake with the Sponkies while you take in this special Tuesday treat…

According to my favorite chart source, there are only three artists with the first name Jermaine to ever have a Top 40 hit on the US charts.  So what would be the odds that I’d feature two of them in a row in the DVA?  Let’s meet today’s featured artist, the one and only Jermaine Stewart!

Thanks for making that clear, Jermaine.

Unlike fellow Midwesterner Jermaine Jackson, Jermaine Stewart was not born into an insanely talented musical family, and had to seek out fame and fortune on his own.  While his family lived in Chicago, Stewart latched on as a dancer on the nationally syndicated show Soul Train.  When the show’s founder Don Cornelius formed the band Shalamar in the early 80’s, Stewart failed to earn a spot in the trio along with fellow dancers Jody Watley and Jeffrey Daniel… making one imagine what the Footloose hit “Dancing in the Sheets” would have sounded like with Stewart’s high pitched voice at the mic.

Hold on, I think my contacts just cracked!

After doing some backup singing for Culture Club, Stewart was able to land a recording contract of his own… and his second album Frantic Romantic produced the song he will always be best known for, but which has largely been lost in the ever contracting 80’s shuffle today.  Here’s Mr. Stewart’s 1986 masterpiece, the #5 hit “We Don’t Have To Take Our Clothes Off”…

Five years before In Living Color hilariously mocked the “male point of view” with the recurring series Men on Film… Jermaine Stewart, who didn’t need to act the part of the effeminate male, was pleading to women, in all seriousness, to stop thinking about sex all the time because a “man has needs” like stimulating conversation and drinking cherry wine that come before doing the wild thing.  The song was so great, though, that you might not even pay any attention to the hilariously out-of-stereotype message it sent.

Well, there are always exceptions to the rule. Good luck keeping your clothes on, Ricky.

OK, the birthday party’s over!  Put your clothes back on and come back next Monday for another lost song I guarantee will not be by an artist named Jermaine…


About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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21 Responses to You Can Leave Your Hat On

  1. Hmm….sounds much like a whole pile of music from that era but I must say – a not memorable – but somewhat entertaining video. Jermaine needs some help with the hair – looks so dry if someone lit up “something” too close to him, it would go up like straw!! Hope you’re back to 100% health wise…..


  2. he was inspiring… specially with don’t talk dirty ;O)))

  3. Kismet says:

    The reason that he never made it big is obvious.

  4. Pingback: Happy Birthday Squirrel!! | sparksfromacombustiblemind

  5. That particular song (not Jermaine’s version) is a favorite of mine. Mainly because of the association I make with a certain movie where they tease you about “The Full Monty” but only give you a butt shot. Ah, it’s grand to be in the land of Puritans in the morning…. Here’s Tom Jones doing his thang: (Adult Viewing)
    (oh, and Happy Birthday Bill! )

    • Hmmmmm… I’ve actually featured Tom Jones twice in Monday Muzak before, once for his cover of “Kiss” which absolutely blows away Prince’s shitty version, and for a hip hop inspired song he did in the 90’s called “If I Only Knew.” I was expecting to like this since (“Feeling Alright” notwithstanding), I hate most Joe Cocker songs… but even Tom couldn’t rescue it for me.

  6. ghostmmnc says:

    Wishing you a very fun and Happy Birthday! 🙂

  7. Happy Birthday – I wish you many happy nuts. 😉

  8. Mer O'Leary says:

    Happy birthday, ES! I’ll keep my clothes on, I don’t want you to go blind…we’ll let that happen naturally, you old fucking fart!

  9. draliman says:

    I remember this song. I was never sure if it was a man or a woman singing, and the name “Jermaine” didn’t help…
    I hope you enjoyed your birthday!

  10. Poor Jermaine…hopefully the royalties for this video provided for some deep conditioner. The poor guy’s hair looks like straw.

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