There you go! We got you all primped and pimped for your special day!
Another SYW intro, another Shelf critter to give 15 second of shame to… and this time it’s the gang’s token straight critter, Chip Squirrel… so named because it was up in the air whether he was supposed to be a chipmunk or a ground squirrel. Chip was cast pretty much from the beginning as the one serious character amid a sea of lunatics, largely because of, as longtime Nest follower Trisha once so eloquently pointed out, his “serious, no-nonsense face” that makes him seem a bit miffed to by his surroundings. Chip’s a porcelain figurine that was sent to me by someone I know (who inspired Hottie from my comic strip) who found him at an estate sale. Chip’s my go-to critter when an episode needs a host (sometimes with Fuzzywig playing Costello to his Abbott), and he’s done everything from game shows to talk shows to begathons to the news in Shelf Critter Theatre…
Eat your heart out Walter Cronkite…
A Share Your World question themed around Chip…
If you were to be cast as part of a comedy double act, which part would you play…. the straight man or the funny one, and why?
And now it’s time to share our world with….. wait, what’s this? These questions seem a bit familiar… oh, yes, The Nest came up with them! Melanie has graciously collected the questions I’ve written in my intros themed around each featured critter, and the first edition containing my first four questions is this week! You should check out the nice work she did with presenting my Share Your World questions as well! She makes the artiste behind SCT look like the hack he really is…
And now, I have to answer my own questions! Yikes….
How many porn actresses have used just the earth to cover their naughty bits?
When you just need to forget the world for a few hours, what helps you get away from it all? (Asked on behalf of Fuzzywig)
I can lose myself in my computer for hours, even days. The creative things I’ve posted on my blog are just the tip of the iceberg… I still kill lots oi time playing games, digging up music on YouTube, watching porn, managing my crappy fantasy baseball team, etc…
And if the weather’s nice, I’ve got a nice two and a half mile route through my neighborhood that’s a pleasant way to kill an hour…
Lame, lame, lame, dude…
If you woke up tomorrow with a unicorn horn extending from the top of your head, what would be the biggest advantage and disadvantage of your new appendage? (Asked on behalf of, like, Mitzi)
The biggest advantage for me is I could go full out Val on people and use my magical horn to death ray people who get on my nerves (like my store manager!) No more passive-aggressive acts of disgust around the people who piss me off… I’d be rainbow atomizing their ugly faces!
Great, I just fucking love copycats…
The biggest disadvantage…. I’m pretty sure unicorn horns are classified as a deadly weapon, and I’d probably go to jail for using mine for its intended purpose…
The bad thing about unicorn horns… they only shoot forward.
What is the creepiest thing you’ve ever seen someone do, that you’d be willing to talk about, of course? (Asked on behalf of Snuggle)
There were a lot of creepy people around where I grew up. One old man who lived across the alley (we called him Boots) once decided to walk down said alley wearing only a pair of women’s black underwear. It’s one of those things I’d swear we made up or exaggerated as kids if it weren’t for the fact that me and my sisters were playing with the camcorder out back at the time, and I got a brief glimpse of the creepshow on tape! Tape which has over the past 30 years, thankfully, deteriorated like the VHS garbage it was…
Don’t act like you aren’t disappointed that you can’t watch it…
What’s the silliest or pettiest thing that tends to really upset you? (Asked on behalf of Rainy)
I have so many nitpicky things that irritate me more than they should. People who don’t know how to use apostrophe’s (sic.), Canadian coins that look oh so much like American coins until you try to use one in a vending machine, clueless store managers who need to be unicorn horned to death, people who are too friendly, cheerful and/or positive…
Drink the poisoned coffee, motherfucker!
I’m gonna go with something I’ve wanted to rant about for a long time here… drivers who try to be nice at four way stops. Fuck roundabouts, because Americans can’t even figure out how to keep traffic flowing at a basic four way stop. The whole point is to take turns. The turn order goes by who makes their stop (or rolling stop) at the intersection first. But no… there are too many people out there who are either too “nice” or too fucking scared to go through an intersection if there’s another car present, so they will cheerfully (and you can always see the sincere smile on their face through the birdshit covered windshield) wave you on even though they were there three whole seconds before you. And of course, that wave will always come after you’ve been sitting there three seconds yourself waiting for their sorry asses to fucking TAKE THEIR TURN ALREADY!
Road rage at the stop sign…. who’d have guessed?
By trying to be a friendly neighbor, all they’re doing is tying up traffic… particularly at busy intersections where multiple cars are in the same situation as me, and it becomes a game of Hungry Hungry Hippos as cars alternately take turns pulling out and stopping, not knowing who’s supposed to be going when all because of some fucking polite person who should have their license run through the shredder while it’s still in their hand…
Allow me to take care of this shitty driver for you!
Gratitude section (Melanie’s question, not mine):
How comfortable are you with meeting others who are very different from yourself?
The different people are sometime pretty cool. It’s the ones who have no business trying to act offended on their behalf that usually piss me off…
Evil Squirrel's Nest 
we have to admit, we go with fuzzywig to forget this world for a while….
Lots of people do. I just wish they’d mellow out at home and not come into Mecca smelling like a pot party…
We have some newly installed roundabouts in our town and it’s totally hilarious watching people figure out what to do – many just drive through the center and pretend the roundabout isn’t even there. Thanks for the ‘toon – I’m sure Miss Dingleberry would consider serving possum in the cafeteria….I’m also sure The Squirrels Nest would be the best source of fresh possum. Seems to be available almost every week!
Pam
I’m pretty sure possum’s already been on the menu, disguised as the ever popular “manager’s choice.” I’m glad I brought my lunch to school, because you never knew what Manager’s Choice day was going to be in the cafeteria…
Thanks Evil Squirrel for inspiring a great Share Your World (along with your cast of .. dozens *koff*), and you are far too kind. Hack? You have a published cartoon strip dude. Take a bow! I have tried my hand at cartooning, but they were always either too detailed and I’d pick at the details until I’d ruin the idea OR they were such subtle (perhaps a bit odd) in humor that maybe one person in twelve MIGHT get the joke. I’m sure you’ve been at that latter one yourself where someone in the cheap seats in the back says “But what’s the point?” to one of your forays into the cartoon world. I agree that using the unicorn horn for its intended purpose seems like a great idea. There are too many idiots in the world and all the horn user would be doing is natural selection or thinning the herd before it tramples the sensible into extinction.
I’m on board with the last one too – those people who nothing in common with the cause they’re becoming militant about ought to STFU and sit down. Nobody cares. Irksome indeed!
Have a fabulous week and tell Chip “thanks” for the newest question…I’m making a list..
I never appreciated how well my comic strip was liked until it went away and SCT took over. SCT has a much (MUCH) smaller regular audience and not many people get it at all… especially since it is way more unfiltered than my comic was. I like the artistic style I was able to produce for the comics as well, but unfortunately, creating them exactly like I used to is impossible with what I have available. Photoshop doesn’t really do plain pixel art like old school Paint used to…
If you think drivers at 4-way stop signs are bad, be a pedestrian. I’ve practically had to get physical for some peeps to go through. I’ve got two dogs on leash, one who is a slow-mo master and I don’t want to hold up traffic. We can wait 87 nanoseconds for them to clear the intersection! Grrrr.
There are some intersections I avoid crossing at all costs. There’s a very dangerous intersection not far from me (But thankfully not a place I’d need to cross) where the cross street is uneven, and it is insanely busy… especially with people needing to continue onto the other side of the cross street about fifty feet up the road. It should not be a four way stop AT ALL because its impossible to know the intentions of those turning from both sides of the cross street since you can’t indicate both a right and a left turn at the same time…
I hear ya. The intersection I live at has had a small roundabout installed (the city bozos call it a ‘circle’) and no seems to know how to navigate it let alone any awareness of the pedestrians. Some mornings you take your life in your hands crossing.
Roundabouts usually work perfectly, but just the other day I reached a three-way roundabout at EXACTLY the same time as two other cars. That was fun. We don’t seem to have “intersections” (junctions) like you do – if there’s not traffic lights there’s always give way (yield) signs and lines so you know who has right of way.
The concept of the roundabout is just too alien to Americans who have been navigating with intersections and stop signs for a century now. As Tails mentioned above, some places have been installing them, and they just create more confusion than the old four way stops did. When Americans think of a roundabout, they either think of the Yes song, or those five famous words from Clark Griswold….
“Look kids! Big Ben! Parliament!”
If you aren’t familiar with that scene, you should look it up!
It’s been a long long time but I do remember that scene!
Pingback: Sharing My World 15-08-2021 | draliman on life