The Eyes Have It

SCRATCHY: Dafuq, dude!?!?

EVIL SQUIRREL: I always wanted to try scratching records like those DJ’s in rap songs do!  So, did I do it right?

SCRATCHY: Well, DJ Mangy Jeff, luckily the needle held out longer than the vinyl did and you only put a huge gash in the record rather than completely ruin my expensive equipment!

ES: Oh, I’m sorry for ruining your record…

SCRATCHY: It wasn’t mine, it was your Essential Air Supply album.  You actually did a favor for humanity…

ES: Well crap!  Now I really am all out of love.  Hopefully song #27 in the countdown can make me forget about this tragic loss to my mellow rock collection.  Sponkies!  Who’s up next in the Shelf Critter Request countdown?

SPONKIE 1: Number 27 is Mary!

SCRATCHY: Another hussy!  I’m sensing a trend here…

MARY: Yay!  They called my name!  Now you’ll have to take my place when those horny farm boys get back, OK?

HAMMY: Oink!?!?!?

LUNA: I was a star of this Theatre long before this irrelevant ovine came along!  Why did she get to pick a song, and yet nobody asked Princess Luna for her musical request?

TWILIGHT: I wonder what she picked… there’s so many songs about Mary!  “Along Comes Mary,” “Mary Mary,” “The Wind Cries Mary,” even the fitting “Mary Had A Little Lamb!”

APPLEJACK: I had a little lamb last night, Sugarcube!  (Burp!) Well done, just how I love it!

MARY: This is so exciting!  Thanks for picking me, Mr. Squirrel!

SCRATCHY: Why the formalities?  I know you have other pet names for him when you’re in his office!

ES: Ahem, that’s enough of that!

MARY: Don’t be jealous, dear, because you don’t have the gorgeous eyes I was born with!

MARY: No reason to keep these beauties hidden behind a pair of tacky sunglasses!

SCRATCHY: Now look here, you millennial bitch….

ES: Now now, that’ll be enough!  Scratchy, please reveal what song Mary chose for the countdown!

SCRATCHY: (Pulling the record out of the envelope, then peering up at Mary) How the hell do you even know a song like this?

MARY: (Twinkle, twinkle!)

Jeff Healey was a musical prodigy from Toronto who began learning to play the guitar when most other children were learning to use the adult potty, and played the instrument in a very unconventional way with the guitar laying in his lap.  His unorthodox method of rocking some chords was likely necessitated by the fact that Jeff lost both eyes to cancer when he was just a year old.  Blindness didn’t stop Stevie Wonder or Ray Charles, and it didn’t keep Healey from getting into the music business while still in his teens…

Blindness should have prevented us from getting shitty Christmas songs

In the late 80’s, Healey teamed up with bassist Joe Rockman and drummer Tom Stephen to form The Jeff Healey Band.  While the trio was pretty big in their native Canada in the 1990’s, it was one of his first singles from 1989 that Americans latched onto…

“Angel Eyes” reached #5 on the US pop chart, beating out its performance on the Canadian charts (#16), and was Healey’s lone US hit.   One of Healey’s biggest influences was blues music, and you can definitely hear those blues notes in the parts where Jeff’s lap guitar work shine.  And because someone has to say it…. yes, I’ve always thought it’s humorously ironic that a blind singer’s best known song was bragging about his girl’s eyes…

Why not? They print Playboy in Braille. And no, those aren’t her angel eyes getting felt up…

The Shelf Critter Request countdown is truly a multi-sensory experience!  One of my critters will have another song for your ears and eyes next Monday…

About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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18 Responses to The Eyes Have It

  1. Not familiar with that song or band but wow – such an unusual medical situation for a little one year old and his family to handle. Mary you picked a “purty” song for the countdown.

    Pam

    • I was curious about his blindness, and had no idea it was that…. for lack of a better word, gruesome. I guess if something like that had to happen, better while you’re young since you can’t miss what you never really got to experience…

  2. He had such a sweet soulful voice. I was fascinated by the way he held his guitar in his lap. Good choice Mary.

  3. So THAT’s who that guy is. I’ve seen him in some music videos as well as a film or two. Never picked up that he was blind though. O_o “There’s Just Something About Mary” isn’t there? Besides getting one’s nutsack caught in a zipper….

  4. What a nice bluesy ballad to start out the week! Happy Mo(a)nday.

  5. Trisha says:

    I had completely forgotten that song! Did the radio play a faster version? I knew all the words but I kept expecting the tempo to pick up. Maybe I was just more accustomed to ballads back then than I am now.

  6. Kismet says:

    Curtis Lee’s “Pretty little Angel Eyes” was much better.

  7. draliman says:

    You’ll be proud of me. I made it all the way to 1 min 15 sec before I couldn’t stand any more…

  8. ghostmmnc says:

    Oh how I love this song! I heard it when it first came out on the radio and have listened to it probably a thousand times. I always have to sing along and know all the words. 🙂

    • I thought you had used this song before on your blog. There was a time a few years ago when this song slipped into my radio station’s playlist for a while…. otherwise, I’d have probably forgotten all about it!

      • ghostmmnc says:

        You’re right, I’ve posted this song at least a couple of times for prompts about music. It’s very rare to hear it on the radio these days, though. 🙂

  9. I’m not sure I remember the song, but I do remember Jeff Healey playing in the house band for Road House! I believe both Patrick Swayze and Jeff Healy are performing in heaven now. RIP to both of them, Charlie Watts and Dusty Hill. Mona

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