SCRATCHY: Dafuq, dude!?!?
EVIL SQUIRREL: I always wanted to try scratching records like those DJ’s in rap songs do! So, did I do it right?
SCRATCHY: Well, DJ Mangy Jeff, luckily the needle held out longer than the vinyl did and you only put a huge gash in the record rather than completely ruin my expensive equipment!
ES: Oh, I’m sorry for ruining your record…
SCRATCHY: It wasn’t mine, it was your Essential Air Supply album. You actually did a favor for humanity…
ES: Well crap! Now I really am all out of love. Hopefully song #27 in the countdown can make me forget about this tragic loss to my mellow rock collection. Sponkies! Who’s up next in the Shelf Critter Request countdown?
SPONKIE 1: Number 27 is Mary!
SCRATCHY: Another hussy! I’m sensing a trend here…
MARY: Yay! They called my name! Now you’ll have to take my place when those horny farm boys get back, OK?
LUNA: I was a star of this Theatre long before this irrelevant ovine came along! Why did she get to pick a song, and yet nobody asked Princess Luna for her musical request?
TWILIGHT: I wonder what she picked… there’s so many songs about Mary! “Along Comes Mary,” “Mary Mary,” “The Wind Cries Mary,” even the fitting “Mary Had A Little Lamb!”
APPLEJACK: I had a little lamb last night, Sugarcube! (Burp!) Well done, just how I love it!
MARY: This is so exciting! Thanks for picking me, Mr. Squirrel!
SCRATCHY: Why the formalities? I know you have other pet names for him when you’re in his office!
ES: Ahem, that’s enough of that!
MARY: Don’t be jealous, dear, because you don’t have the gorgeous eyes I was born with!
MARY: No reason to keep these beauties hidden behind a pair of tacky sunglasses!
SCRATCHY: Now look here, you millennial bitch….
ES: Now now, that’ll be enough! Scratchy, please reveal what song Mary chose for the countdown!
SCRATCHY: (Pulling the record out of the envelope, then peering up at Mary) How the hell do you even know a song like this?
MARY: (Twinkle, twinkle!)
Jeff Healey was a musical prodigy from Toronto who began learning to play the guitar when most other children were learning to use the adult potty, and played the instrument in a very unconventional way with the guitar laying in his lap. His unorthodox method of rocking some chords was likely necessitated by the fact that Jeff lost both eyes to cancer when he was just a year old. Blindness didn’t stop Stevie Wonder or Ray Charles, and it didn’t keep Healey from getting into the music business while still in his teens…
In the late 80’s, Healey teamed up with bassist Joe Rockman and drummer Tom Stephen to form The Jeff Healey Band. While the trio was pretty big in their native Canada in the 1990’s, it was one of his first singles from 1989 that Americans latched onto…
“Angel Eyes” reached #5 on the US pop chart, beating out its performance on the Canadian charts (#16), and was Healey’s lone US hit. One of Healey’s biggest influences was blues music, and you can definitely hear those blues notes in the parts where Jeff’s lap guitar work shine. And because someone has to say it…. yes, I’ve always thought it’s humorously ironic that a blind singer’s best known song was bragging about his girl’s eyes…
The Shelf Critter Request countdown is truly a multi-sensory experience! One of my critters will have another song for your ears and eyes next Monday…