EVIL SQUIRREL: So Scratchy, what made you want to become a deejay?
SCRATCHY: I don’t know…. maybe the musical note tattooed to my flank, or the fact that my parents named me Scratchy.
ES: Your real name’s actually Scratchy?
SCRATCHY: What made you want to become an evil squirrel, Evil Squirrel?
ES: I…. you know, I never thought of that before.
SCRATCHY: It’s the fucking Smurfs Rule, dork! Cartoon characters get their birth names from their eventual personalities. You’d think being the creator of this universe, you’d know about that maxim…. but, I guess now I can understand why Shelf Critter Theatre’s only famous to the four people who read this blog.
ES: (After a long, awkward silence) Sponkies, bail me out here!
SPONKIE 2: And #19 on the request list is…..
SPONKIE 1: It’s Mitzi!!!!!
SPONKIE 2: Easy, bro.
SPONKIE 1: I….. I need to run to the restroom!
ES: Where is Mitzi? I don’t see her out there….
SNUGGLE: Mitzi’s a little busy right now, OK? She’ll be up there in a few minutes!
ES: Snuggle Bear! Is Mitzi under that…….
SCRATCHY: I think I’m gonna hurl…
MITZI: Sorry Snuggie Wuggie Teddy Bear! Mitzi had to, like, run to the little girls room for a few minutes. And I almost got totally runned over by a little sponkiecorn on the way out!
SNUGGLE: Wait a minute! How can you be there if you’re supposed to be…..
BIG SCRAT: Oops! I knew I should have filed down my teeth first….
MITZI: Mitzi’s, like, totally LOLing at this!
ES: Mitzi! Get your bimbocorn ass up here!!!!!!!
MITZI: Like, totallies!!!!!
MITZI: Hiya squirrelly whirly and Scratchy Watchy!
SCRATCHY: This is your brain on silicone. Any questions?
MITZI: Like, play some of that funky music, white pony! Mitzi totally wants to dance!
SCRATCHY: This is Evil’s Captain and Tennille record. Nobody gonna be dancing to this.
MITZI: Mitzi can totally dance to anything!
Funny how that pole just appeared out of nowhere…
MITZI: Like, play Mitzi’s inquest so she can shake her boot-ay on the pole!!!!
SCRATCHY: (Pulling out Mitzi’s inqu… er, request) It’s times like this when I wish my mother hadn’t named me Scratchy….
One of the common complaints about modern pop music is that the musical stars of today have far more looks than actual singing talent. And while there’s plenty of merit to that argument, appearance has been trumping talent in the music biz since practically the day The Buggles first sang about it. Why else would Britain’s most popular pinup girl of the 1980’s even landed a recording contract in the first place?
Samantha Fox was the darling of The Sun in the mid 80’s. The popular British tabloid paper featured a (classy, of course) topless model on Page 3 in every edition, and Samantha’s three year run at The Sun made her one of the most popular Page 3 girls ever, with her first photo appearing in 1983 when she was just 17….
Samantha Fox wasn’t the next Olivia Newton John, or maybe even the first Jessica Simpson…. but her brief flirtation with pop music in the late 80’s could be summed up in two words….. sexy and fun. And how does Samantha Fox have fun? Well, check it out for yourself…
Samantha’s handlers made sure to strike hard while the iron was still hot, having MTV’s newest video vixen (see what I did there?) release three albums in three years from 1986-1988. Each one spawned a lone Top 10 hit in the US, and this song, “I Wanna Have Some Fun,” was the last of that trio, making it to #8 in late 1988. Although Samantha showed how much fun she could have with the guys as the lone female to appear in this video, she would go on to break fanboy hearts and marry her female manager later on in life. Hey, life’s more fun when you don’t brush off half the population…
Come back next Monday if you wanna have some fun with the next Shelf critter request…