The Gift That Keeps On Giving

HANK FOX: Howdy, ma’am!

JIM BOB SQUIRREL: We’s been wonderin’ since you’re one of them thar deejay kinda critters…

CLETUS RACCOON: I reckon you might wanna officiate the square dance at our hoedown next Saturday!

SCRATCHY: I only perform my services at clubs and raves, and if I’m desperate for scratch, maybe a wedding or bar mitzvah… but I sure as hell ain’t playing at no fucking redneck honky tonk!

HANK: Aw, shucks!  Won’t you reconsider…

SCRATCHY: How can you yokels even do a square dance?  I’m pretty sure there aren’t any females on your farm.

JIM BOB: Sure there is!  I’s always dance with my sweet gal Bessie!


CLETUS: I reckon you got yourself a real sweetie there, Brother Jim Bob!

JIM BOB: Wanna see us do the do-si-do?

JIM BOB: Poor Bessie!  Was yer slop that bad this mornin’?

HANK: Looks like someone raided all the pickles and ice cream in the icebox!  You know what that means…

CLETUS: I reckon you’se gonna be a daddy, Brother Jim Bob!

JIM BOB: Yeehaw!  I can’t wait to have my son for breakfast!

SCRATCHY: Sponkies!  Get that next request moving before I start goring these hillbillies!

SPONKIE 2: YAY!  The next request goes to…



SANTA: What are you getting all excited for?  Hunting season’s still another month away!

SEYMOUR: I think he’s happy you get to pick the next song, Santa!  Oh please, I hope it’s gonna be Burl Ives!

SANTA: It’s not gonna be fucking Burl Ives!  And it sure as hell won’t be Rudolph the Dipshit Reindeer!  Step aside so Santa can finally get a wish granted…

EVIL SQUIRREL: Well, this is seasonably inappropriate.

SANTA: Says who?  My timeshare in Costa Rica is good through November 15th…. you think I want to be here in October, putz!?!?

SCRATCHY: This better not be a Christmas song.  I brought my sledgehammer with me…

SANTA: You think I like to listen to that shit?  That’s why I got Sirius XM in the sleigh so I don’t have to pick up those fucking holiday music stations!  Now, let’s play a good old rockin’ song that describes my shitty job to a tee!

The 1991 album Blood Sugar Sex Magik help put a California quartet by the name of Red Hot Chili Peppers on the map.  Though they’d been around for a while (it was their fifth album), and did some good things in the 80’s, BSSM turned the rambunctious band into superstars.  Their breakthrough song, “Under the Bridge,” wasn’t even the first single to be released from the album.  No, this song came first… and though it was only a minor hit, it’s easily become their second best known tune…

“Give It Away” preaches the well worn message of being selfless over some killer music and one epically fucked up video.  Seriously, I don’t know what they were thinking here…

Nobody wants to see that, Anthony…

But at least the song is a winner!

I may be one of the more selfish people out there, but I promise not the keep the muzak like the Kaiser.  Come back next Monday for another Shelf critter request!


About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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20 Responses to The Gift That Keeps On Giving

  1. Way to rock the week’s start. Nice job gang.

  2. I like the video… I sometimes wish to wear devil horns too

  3. Damn. My EYES, my EYES! I’ll never unsee that wedgie and the fool touching his jewel sac. 🤢 Gee. Thanks Santa! You’ve made me virtually blind. What a great gift! Now I don’t have to see the coming greed and materialism of your season! By the way? The Wicked Witch from Oz and the Turkey Who Shall Be Dead for Thanksgiving asked me to pass along this message: “It’s not YOUR turn, egg nog breath, it’s ours. Now get to the back of the line!” 🤣

  4. Kismet says:

    So where’s the music? All I heard was random noise.

  5. Juliette says:

    That was unexpected and fun.

  6. draliman says:

    I do remember that song but had no idea it was The Red Hot Chili Peppers. I actually find the song very annoying!

  7. Unfamiliar song for me BUT that video – holy mackerel (is mackerel really holy??)…….my first thought when the video began was that guy in the pants with horns would NOT be a good person to stand next to on a bus. Ouch.


  8. Mer O'Leary says:

    Nobody would want to pay for any so I might as well give it away…

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