HANK FOX: Howdy, ma’am!
JIM BOB SQUIRREL: We’s been wonderin’ since you’re one of them thar deejay kinda critters…
CLETUS RACCOON: I reckon you might wanna officiate the square dance at our hoedown next Saturday!
SCRATCHY: I only perform my services at clubs and raves, and if I’m desperate for scratch, maybe a wedding or bar mitzvah… but I sure as hell ain’t playing at no fucking redneck honky tonk!
HANK: Aw, shucks! Won’t you reconsider…
SCRATCHY: How can you yokels even do a square dance? I’m pretty sure there aren’t any females on your farm.
JIM BOB: Sure there is! I’s always dance with my sweet gal Bessie!
BESSIE: Oink!
CLETUS: I reckon you got yourself a real sweetie there, Brother Jim Bob!
JIM BOB: Wanna see us do the do-si-do?
JIM BOB: Poor Bessie! Was yer slop that bad this mornin’?
HANK: Looks like someone raided all the pickles and ice cream in the icebox! You know what that means…
CLETUS: I reckon you’se gonna be a daddy, Brother Jim Bob!
JIM BOB: Yeehaw! I can’t wait to have my son for breakfast!
SCRATCHY: Sponkies! Get that next request moving before I start goring these hillbillies!
SPONKIE 2: YAY! The next request goes to…
BOTH SPONKIES: SANTA CLAUS!!!!!!!!!
SCRAT THE RED NOSED SQUIRRELDEER: SQUEEEEEEEEEEEAAAALLLL!!!!!!!
SANTA: What are you getting all excited for? Hunting season’s still another month away!
SEYMOUR: I think he’s happy you get to pick the next song, Santa! Oh please, I hope it’s gonna be Burl Ives!
SANTA: It’s not gonna be fucking Burl Ives! And it sure as hell won’t be Rudolph the Dipshit Reindeer! Step aside so Santa can finally get a wish granted…
EVIL SQUIRREL: Well, this is seasonably inappropriate.
SANTA: Says who? My timeshare in Costa Rica is good through November 15th…. you think I want to be here in October, putz!?!?
SCRATCHY: This better not be a Christmas song. I brought my sledgehammer with me…
SANTA: You think I like to listen to that shit? That’s why I got Sirius XM in the sleigh so I don’t have to pick up those fucking holiday music stations! Now, let’s play a good old rockin’ song that describes my shitty job to a tee!
The 1991 album Blood Sugar Sex Magik help put a California quartet by the name of Red Hot Chili Peppers on the map. Though they’d been around for a while (it was their fifth album), and did some good things in the 80’s, BSSM turned the rambunctious band into superstars. Their breakthrough song, “Under the Bridge,” wasn’t even the first single to be released from the album. No, this song came first… and though it was only a minor hit, it’s easily become their second best known tune…
“Give It Away” preaches the well worn message of being selfless over some killer music and one epically fucked up video. Seriously, I don’t know what they were thinking here…
Nobody wants to see that, Anthony…
But at least the song is a winner!
I may be one of the more selfish people out there, but I promise not the keep the muzak like the Kaiser. Come back next Monday for another Shelf critter request!
Evil Squirrel's Nest 
Way to rock the week’s start. Nice job gang.
The audio sure rocked the week. The video with the crotch grabbing, not so much…
I like the video… I sometimes wish to wear devil horns too
Devil horns are better than unicorn horns since you have an extra chance of hitting your mark…
or my Mark hahahaha
Damn. My EYES, my EYES! I’ll never unsee that wedgie and the fool touching his jewel sac. 🤢 Gee. Thanks Santa! You’ve made me virtually blind. What a great gift! Now I don’t have to see the coming greed and materialism of your season! By the way? The Wicked Witch from Oz and the Turkey Who Shall Be Dead for Thanksgiving asked me to pass along this message: “It’s not YOUR turn, egg nog breath, it’s ours. Now get to the back of the line!” 🤣
Santa would rather be sunning his buns in Costa Rica another couple months. It’s not his fault it’s Christmas 365 days a year…
So where’s the music? All I heard was random noise.
Random noise is music just like blank verse is still poetry…
That was unexpected and fun.
Expect the unexpected!
I do remember that song but had no idea it was The Red Hot Chili Peppers. I actually find the song very annoying!
Unlike my last countdown, this one seems to be full of songs you don’t like. I must be doing something right…
Unfamiliar song for me BUT that video – holy mackerel (is mackerel really holy??)…….my first thought when the video began was that guy in the pants with horns would NOT be a good person to stand next to on a bus. Ouch.
Pam
If he danced like that on a crowded bus, it would probably make the evening news. Actually, he should do that on a bus full of possums…
Nobody would want to pay for any so I might as well give it away…
Maybe if you tried some devil horns and grabbing your crotch like the Chili Peppers in the video, someone might offer up a dollah…
I’d be grateful for fiddy cents!
If it’s two quarters, you got yourself some pasties!
Yeehaw, grab me some of that dar Boone’s farm, we got us a hoe down!