HANK FOX: Howdy, ma’am!
JIM BOB SQUIRREL: We’s been wonderin’ since you’re one of them thar deejay kinda critters…
CLETUS RACCOON: I reckon you might wanna officiate the square dance at our hoedown next Saturday!
SCRATCHY: I only perform my services at clubs and raves, and if I’m desperate for scratch, maybe a wedding or bar mitzvah… but I sure as hell ain’t playing at no fucking redneck honky tonk!
HANK: Aw, shucks! Won’t you reconsider…
SCRATCHY: How can you yokels even do a square dance? I’m pretty sure there aren’t any females on your farm.
JIM BOB: Sure there is! I’s always dance with my sweet gal Bessie!
CLETUS: I reckon you got yourself a real sweetie there, Brother Jim Bob!
JIM BOB: Wanna see us do the do-si-do?
JIM BOB: Poor Bessie! Was yer slop that bad this mornin’?
HANK: Looks like someone raided all the pickles and ice cream in the icebox! You know what that means…
CLETUS: I reckon you’se gonna be a daddy, Brother Jim Bob!
JIM BOB: Yeehaw! I can’t wait to have my son for breakfast!
SCRATCHY: Sponkies! Get that next request moving before I start goring these hillbillies!
SPONKIE 2: YAY! The next request goes to…
BOTH SPONKIES: SANTA CLAUS!!!!!!!!!
SCRAT THE RED NOSED SQUIRRELDEER: SQUEEEEEEEEEEEAAAALLLL!!!!!!!
SANTA: What are you getting all excited for? Hunting season’s still another month away!
SEYMOUR: I think he’s happy you get to pick the next song, Santa! Oh please, I hope it’s gonna be Burl Ives!
SANTA: It’s not gonna be fucking Burl Ives! And it sure as hell won’t be Rudolph the Dipshit Reindeer! Step aside so Santa can finally get a wish granted…
EVIL SQUIRREL: Well, this is seasonably inappropriate.
SANTA: Says who? My timeshare in Costa Rica is good through November 15th…. you think I want to be here in October, putz!?!?
SCRATCHY: This better not be a Christmas song. I brought my sledgehammer with me…
SANTA: You think I like to listen to that shit? That’s why I got Sirius XM in the sleigh so I don’t have to pick up those fucking holiday music stations! Now, let’s play a good old rockin’ song that describes my shitty job to a tee!
The 1991 album Blood Sugar Sex Magik help put a California quartet by the name of Red Hot Chili Peppers on the map. Though they’d been around for a while (it was their fifth album), and did some good things in the 80’s, BSSM turned the rambunctious band into superstars. Their breakthrough song, “Under the Bridge,” wasn’t even the first single to be released from the album. No, this song came first… and though it was only a minor hit, it’s easily become their second best known tune…
“Give It Away” preaches the well worn message of being selfless over some killer music and one epically fucked up video. Seriously, I don’t know what they were thinking here…
But at least the song is a winner!
I may be one of the more selfish people out there, but I promise not the keep the muzak like the Kaiser. Come back next Monday for another Shelf critter request!