♪ ♫ I’m too sexy for my shirt
Too sexy for my shirt
So sexy it hurts ♪ ♫
SCRATCHY: I hate it when freaks like this clown get up and dance in front of everyone like that!
EVIL SQUIRREL: This is how ugly bastards pick up chicks!
SCRATCHY: And you would know?
♪ ♫ I’m too sexy for my cat
Too sexy for my cat
Poor pussy cat ♪ ♫
APPLEJACK: Wow, Sugarcube! Yer dancin’s got my cider totally boilin’! Wanna head back to my hayloft for a little roll?
BUB: Sounds good, toots!
SCRATCHY: Come on, girl! You can do better than a critter whose one running gag is that he doesn’t have a damned di…
ES: Weewee. Think of the children, Scratchy!
AJ: Aw, that ain’t no trouble! I gots one of those fake ones at home you can strap aroun’ yer waist!
BUB: (Turns around and winks at Scratchy) Lead the way, my dear!
AJ: Woohoo! It’s been a while since I got to use ol’ Bad Stallion on anyone!
BUB: Wait…. what!?!?
AJ: (Nudging Bub along to his doom) Get ready for fourteen inches of fun, Sugarcube! I hope Ma didn’t use up all the Crisco on the fried possum….
Several minutes of awkward silence later….
SCRATCHY: Think of the children, huh?
ES: I hope the Sponkies were too busy checking the request list to have witnessed this….
SPONKIE 1: Hey sis, doesn’t Ma have one of those she gets out every time Pa stays out too late?
SPONKIE 2: I don’t know what you’re talking about, bro! The next critter on the list is Tina!!!
TINA: YAY!!! It’s about time!
SNUGGLE: Aw, come on babe! We were just gonna head back to my windowless van….
TINA: Sorry dude, you’re gonna have to wait until I’m done being awesome! And that may take a while! Don’t worry…. I invited my BFF along to take my place!
ZEEBA: I heard you got candy, asswipe!!!! (Pulls a switchblade out of her JoJo Siwa backpack) Give Zeeba some candy OR ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!
TINA: She’s not as cute as I am, but who is? Toodles!!!
TINA: It’s about time you let me pick a good song to play instead of all that dumb crap everyone else likes!
ES: I’m guessing you’ve chosen a more recent song for your request.
TINA: No way!!!! My song is so totally retro!!!
SCRATCHY: I have yet to hear any oldies coming from your earbuds.
TINA: I totally adore the classics! Check it out!
SCRATCHY: (Pulling Tina’s request out of the envelope) Dafuq? This song’s from 2016!!!
TINA: I know! It’s an ancient artifact, ain’t it?
ES: (Mustering up his best Clint) Get off of my Shelf….
Seven years ago, a singer emerged from the carbon copy factory that the music industry has become who kinda broke the usual mold of what a pop diva should embody, pun intended. Her name was Meghan Trainor…
And because Meghan wanted us to know that bigger is sometimes better, she made her more sturdy frame the subject of her breakout hit…. an earworm that goes beyond the pale as maybe the most annoying ever released in our lifetime. “All About That Bass” was widely (and justifiably) lambasted and mocked for it’s brain-mushingly awful and repetitive chorus when it was every third song on the radio in 2014.
But hey, it got her noticed… and really, she isn’t that bad of a singer. Meghan tried again two years later with her second album Thank You (for what?), and it contained a song that got up totally in your face, without actually getting totally up in your face.
Two years before it became a hashtag, Meghan Trainor was all about “Me Too.” I’ve heard this song on Mecca Radio several times over the past few years (and even guessed who had to be singing it), and I have to admit I like it. Say what you will about her inauspicious debut and unconventional celebrity body type…. but the girl has spunk and attitude in spades. Just like the Shelf’s Tina…
Meghan even had the initial release of the video on YouTube taken down because someone digitally manipulated it to maker her look thinner. Apparently, even some of her handlers didn’t want Meghan to be her too…
Come back next Monday for another Shelf Critter request that’s proud of the way it looks…