Oh what fun it is to ride in a one whore open sleigh…
For this week’s Share Your World featured Shelf Critter, I couldn’t resist making it all about Santa on Thanksgiving. As you might expect, the Shelf’s version of Santa isn’t quite like the iconic, family friendly image that’s been popularized by Coca Cola and bullshit movies like Miracle on 34th Street. Our Santa is a sarcastic bastard who cusses like a sailor and isn’t afraid to squash the hopes and wishes of the little ones who mail their long ass lists to the North Pole. He doesn’t even like his job (or the Easter Bunny’s job) and would rather be laying on the beaches of Costa Rica in his elfkini…
How about I just write everyone a rubber check and get my summer vacay started early this year?
The winking Santa figurine that has been thoroughly desecrated in five years worth of SCT skits was purchased from Mecca’s holiday collection in November 2016. If you don’t count Shadow, who I obtained solely to work into a Bashful skit, then Santa is the very first “critter” I bought specifically to work into Shelf Critter Theatre.
A SYW question themed around our bad Santa…
Santa’s tired of people leaving him out cookies and milk on Christmas Eve night! If you really wanted to get on Santa’s good side, what would you leave out for him to eat/drink instead? (This question applies whether you celebrate Christmas or not)
Leg of lamb…. nice!
And now it’s time for us to share our world with Melanie’s questions for this week!
If you ask nicely, Santa will bring you a Uranus balloon for your collection.
What are some red flags to watch out for in daily life?
I typed “flag” into my blog’s media library and the most recent image that came up was a bullfighter waving a red cape from last August, so I’ve already made that joke before.
If I’m gonna be turned into taco meat, at least I’m goring this dude’s balls first…
What obstacles would you include in the ‘world’s most amazing obstacle course”?
Ody would make a nice obstacle for any tough course given how many times I’ve tripped over his big ass when he decides to sprawl out in the middle of the hallway.
Sorry, this road’s closed.
Conveniently put about a dozen big cats along the path, and nobody will be clearing the obstacle course without a few scrapes and broken ankles…
Who is the best most believable movie or book villain in your opinion? Or the one that stands out for you?
Mortimer and Randolph Duke from Trading Places. I can totally imagine old rich people having nothing better to do than messing with people’s livelihoods over silly one dollar bets…
Pardon me, Mr. Valentine, but would you have any Grey Poupon?
What, in your opinion, is the most beautiful/handsome part of your face?
My “soul patch,” which I started growing several years before they first became a fad in the late 90’s, and which I still have after almost 27 years. From a physical standpoint, it’s the most “me” thing about me.
Picture above: Not me.
Next week on Thursday Today, Americans celebrate Thanksgiving. What are some foods you enjoy for your festive celebration dinners?
All I want is the turkey. Just give me plenty of it, preferably parts with the skin still attached and plenty of juice from the pan to baste it in! (Coincidentally, my Mom called while I was typing that to let me know the turkey is done!)
As for these guys, well…..
Evil Squirrel's Nest 
Thanks, Bill, for Sharing Your World. I think you’re about the first to admit you like turkey. Of course many of my participants aren’t from America, so turkey/schmurkey..but our compatriots on the leaky ship that once was – America – at least some of them, admitted to not liking turkey at all. They’re going with the wind and having all sorts of eats and treats, just not a bird (or not a turkey bird..chicken did crop up).
The fellow with the soul patch is the actor who begat “Bad Santa’ – the endless movie sequel thing (if there were sequels, I didn’t watch the first. I’ve had enough illusions busted for my entire lifetime), right? Billy Bob Joe somebody… a bit of trivia that eluded me until I saw the picture. Nice choice, but I bet there are other pleasing aspects to your visage, you’re probably just too modest to list them all.. 😛
Your choice of most excellent villain(s) was FANTASTIC. Those actors (may they both RIP) portrayed a personality type that sadly enough has become the norm in the leaky ship America – the entitled and grossly over wealthy. Let ’em eat cake (with or without Grey Poupon *snicker* )
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving and enjoy your bird. You need to rest up to face the hoard invasion of Mecca customers who are going to make TOMORROW a black hole. Sucking the life out of everyone around… Eeek. Me? I’m going to find a nice telephone or power line to hide on; or better still a rock. Wake me up when November ends…
Have a great week!
Billy Bob Thornton did Bad Santa? I’m pretty sure I didn’t know that, so that’s quite the coincidence to pair him with my bad Santa. Turkey rules! About the only alternative is ham, and I can’t stand it. Black Friday is always interesting, but enough of it’s been siphoned off into the mini events earlier in the month, plus online sales (Half of the merch is already set aside for pickup) that it’s not what it used to be. Ten years ago…. it was a fun people study in human behavior! I’ve actually enjoyed most of my BF experiences…
we like the idea with writing a check… satan is still the best!!! and we LOVE mortimer&randolph… that’s a goal to become like this two… or like waldorf&statler, but then we had to work on a sunday…
I wouldn’t mind a check from Santa… you know he has to be loaded to buy all those toys. I just hope my bank would cash it…
No squirrels in this post?????
You think I’m a one note blogger?
Enchiladas with…wait for it…Christmas chile!
I hope Santa would be able to complete his rounds without a pit stop!
Ha! I’d say maybe heartburn, and Santa would probably need the milk that’s put out: https://www.westword.com/restaurants/christmas-style-chile-means-red-and-green-on-the-same-plate-at-these-resaurants-9753777
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope you got all the turkey you wanted! 🙂
I got plenty, with more for tonight! Hope your TG was great!
Hope you enjoyed your turkey! Or was your mum calling just to taunt you…?
Well, I had to cut it up myself. I should have brought Zeeba along to do the carving…
I had turkey with stuffing/dressing (I call it stuffing because “dressing” makes me picture turkey in a dress) and the rest of the traditional “works”. Sure was good and I brought leftovers home so we’ll have an instant replay tonight. I agree that Santa probably isn’t all that into cookies and milk – I suspect he’d rather have a shot of whiskey and a double cheeseburger with extra onions Yeah. Hope you enjoyed your Thanksgiving !!
Pam
Think of all the shots of whiskey Santa would be downing if everyone followed your lead! Good thing the reindeer are doing the driving…
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