Who says religious and secular can’t go together?
This week’s featured Shelf critter is that stubbornly pious raccoon Ricky, who continues to futilely pray for the Shelf’s salvation from sin city. Ricky was a rarely appearing D-list background character until I decided to give him his own starring episode three years ago, and it worked so well that his Christian inspired crusade against the Shelf’s immorality has become a running gag. Usually much to his “god” Evil Squirrel’s annoyance…
The Goodwill Store, where all critters who don’t play along with Evil Squirrel’s schemes get sent to rot for all eternity!
Ricky was picked up from the Bass Pro Shop outside of Kansas City 8 years ago (I believe the same haul that netted his coon kin Fuzzywig), and it looks for all the world like his paws are held together in a praying gesture, which combined with his lifted head and pleading looking face is where the religious persona came from. But really, his left paw is entirely above his right one…. maybe just another way he defies ES’s devilish wishes…
Boy am I gonna have to be careful here! A SYW question themed around Ricky…
What frivolous, but annoying thing that people do should be considered a sin? And how should violators be made to repent for it?
Say four Hail Mitzis and…. well, Mitzi will take care of the rest of the screaming.
And now it’s time for this week’s Share Your World where we’ll answer…. wait a minute! What moron wrote these questions this week!?!? Oh, that’s right…. I did. That explains everything! As usual, SYW hostess Melanie did a kick-ass job of presenting my questions and the critters who were asking them… and be sure to check it out if you don’t already play along!
Ricky, along with a whole cast of evil sinners!
If you had the power to strike one person in your life permanently speechless, who would it be? (Asked on behalf of Mr. Fox…. quite literally since he can’t speak and probably doesn’t even have the brain power for telepathy)
One of the awkward things about writing questions you know you’re eventually going to have to answer is that you sometimes already know what that answer will be, and it probably inspired the question in the first place!
Would you stop babbling and just answer the question already?
There’s been a lady on my crew at work who suffers from chronic diarrhea of the mouth. I’m not sure how she manages when there’s nobody within earshot of her words of un-wisdom, (insert the “if a tree falls in the woods” philosophical question here) but I rarely ever see her NOT talking to someone… and heaven forbid I get too close, or I’m going to be the next one talked at and will need to make a quick and rude getaway. And her voice is irritating as well… so I’d really love to have her Mr. Foxed.
Next up… those assholes who loudly broadcast their calls on their stupid cellphones.
If you could relive your childhood over again, what’s one thing from this modern world today you’d want to take back with you? (Asked on behalf of Tina)
The internet, no doubt. Who needs to play out in the street when you could stay on your computer all day long and look up the value of your Garbage Pail Kids cards? Plus, it would have eliminated that one day I had to spend in the library the day before research papers were due so I had just enough knowledge to make myself look like an expert on something….. just like I do on my blog!
Teacher! How do I find the porn on this thing?
Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and purple are the standard colors of the rainbow. Name something you love for all six major colors of the rainbow! (Asked on behalf of Rainbow Donkey)
Cherry sno cones!
Fiery looking skies!
Dandelions!
Those green pieces of paper!
My beloved old chariot!
Grimace!!!!
If you were to open the world’s most accurate fortune cookie, what would your fortune inside it read? (Asked on behalf of Hung Lo)
Thanks California for ruining my dinner!
Santa’s tired of people leaving him out cookies and milk on Christmas Eve night! If you really wanted to get on Santa’s good side, what would you leave out for him to eat/drink instead? (Asked on behalf of the Shelf’s Santa)
Burnt Cheez Its! Food of the gods… and elves.
Oh, and a Pepsi to wash all that salt and burnt goodness down with. Hopefully that won’t violate his lifetime contract pitching that battery acid Coca Cola…
What plans do you have for the upcoming holiday/celebration/festival season?
By holiday, we are talking about National Squirrel Appreciation Day in January, right?
Evil Squirrel's Nest 
that’s practially a vice versa diarrhea? so maybe one imodium at the other end of the mouth can help?
An oral suppository would have to be big enough to stifle the noise…
So NSAD is a plot created by Hallmark? Hmm, I wondered about that.
Squirrels deserve to be spoiled too!
Ricky was probably sold outside the Bass Pro Shop because he was used for target practice by fans of BPS. I am a HUGE fan of Cheeze-It Extra Toasties…..I’d buy the Extra Burnies if they made them. Have always liked that photo of your Dad…………
Pam
I wish they made Cheez Its like I used to by sticking them in the oven until they turned brown! The smell it made was a bit nasty, but boy did they taste good once they cooled down!
Hmm….nothing says we couldn’t put Toasties in the oven for a little EXTRA toastiness!
Thanks Evil Squirrel (aka Bill) for Sharing Your Squirrely World (literally). Excellent answers, even if they were a bit pre-programmed, not that anyone would notice! I loved your pictorial rainbow list, and Santa? Is gonna get diarrhea if he eats those burnt Cheezits and drinks that laxative tasting dreaded “P” word 😉 The battery acid tastes better even though it probably eats a hole in one’s stomach lining. Or not, given that I’ve been drinking the “C” for a good fifty five years (at least) and I have no ulcer (yet). Hehe. Imagine. The P versus C war came to E.S’s nest! To each their own! You know, now I’m wondering what would happen to that penny if I dropped it in a glass of P word? I know it dissolves in C… Um. Off track. Thank you again for sharing your questions and your critters for a fun SYW. Ricky is up next! Have a great week! 🙂
If you could relive your childhood over again, what’s one thing from this modern world today you’d want to take back with you?
I’d take a handwritten letter to myself promising me that things get better in the future. Because for me they did.
And your younger self would not find a handwritten letter to be quaint! Nor would it scare everyone else from the past….
I’m sure the Shelf’s Santa would prefer something a bit stronger than those things, and in liquid form!
In the UK i believe it’s traditionally a mince pie and a glass of sherry – I’m sure that’s more his thing.
You’re right, Santa probably isn’t in to our American junk food. Even if it does look like he’s had a few packs of cookies…
I’d take a list of clowns to be avoided.
I’m sure I’m high up on the list…
I can only pick one person to strike speechless for eternity? ((((pouting)))) I guess I would have to pick my mom to spare myself the hour long phone “conversations” with exactly the same stories I heard last time. And the time before. And on a regular basis since my birth 51 1/2 years ago. But my youngest has the same habit of recounting every stupid thing that’s ever happened in excrutiating detail and he lives with me. So…maybe I’ll change my answer to myself. If I couldn’t answer, I wouldn’t have to pretend to be listening!
I couldn’t bear an hour long conversation with my Mom. But she makes up for that by calling two or three times right after she just called to add on something truly unimportant. Like the special call I got the other day to let me know she heard Burger King was selling Whoppers for only 39 cents. I’ve never eaten a Whopper in my life, and my mother should really know that!
Does that mean I have to put out SPECIAL food? What IS special food? They eat everything anyway no matter what it is.