On the tenth day of Shelfmas, the critters gave to me…
Ten words a’bleeping!
VAL: You lousy sack of (BLEEP!), I hope you bend over to pick up a lump of (BLEEP!)ing coal and get Blitzen’s antlers up your (BLEEP!)
SANTA: Well aren’t we merry and (BLEEP!)ing bright! Maybe if you’d extract your (BLEEP!) from that cup so you could be laid, you wouldn’t act like a (BLEEP!)ing (BLEEP!) Not that any sane male would want to (BLEEP!) you anyway!
VAL: That’s it! I’m going to (BLEEP!)ing kick your (BLEEP!)ing nuts so hard that you won’t be able to knock up anymore housewives on your annual “visit” until you get a (click!) fucking colonoscopy!
SANTA: Whatever, you delusional (click!) bitch! You’re just jealous that everyone writes me letters and you can’t even get a single (click!) fucking sext!
VAL: Yeah, letters from little children, you (click!) fucking pervert!
SLIDER: (Madly clicking the button) Well crap! That’s the third time the batteries in my dirty word bleeper have gone out just this week! Shelf Critter Theatre is just too fucking vulgar…
Evil Squirrel's Nest 
ahm…. yes… val is right… ole man gets letters from kids… ;o)))
And lets them sit on his lap. Santa should be on the naughty list…
I just bet that bleeper was made in China……..
Pam
The Shelf only seeks out the best and gets all its props imported from North Korea…
Since when does this blog censor language?
Aw. Isn’t that sweet though? You made an effort to protect the ears (and eyes) of your Shelf audience! Not that any of us haven’t heard most of those fucking words before, mind you. Tell Scooter to go buy some batteries pronto! Your comments’ section is apparently more than happy to ‘fill in the blanks’ ! 🤣
We will only censor language when it is part of the fucking gag….
Val’s sweet eyes belies her potty mouth. 👁
Depends on how you look at her. From one perspective, she has that nasty old bitch scowl to her that gave her that personality…
Batteries. You just can’t trust them.
Especially the rechargeable batteries I buy. I honestly think sometimes it’d cost less to just use the regular ones…
This reads like a scene from the upcoming and long-awaited behind the scenes SCT documentary. And now the batteries are dead, uncut too!
Well, the entire documentary wouldn’t be uncut. Zeeba would be sure to show off a lot of cutting. Buster hates it when it requires about 60 takes to get his death scenes right…