EVIL SQUIRREL: Is there something we can help you with, Sam?

UNCLE SAM: That’s “Mr. President” to you, son!  And there damn well is something you can do for me!

SCRATCHY: I may be uber cool, but I can’t do anything for your popularity rating.

SAM: There’s been a serious lack of patriotic songs in this communist countdown of yours, and I am to do something about it!  I brought my Lee Greenwood records, and…

ES: Who’s this little guy you got following you around?

SAM: That’s an elite member of my Men in Black, and he’s here to wipe your memories clean of all the inhumane torture I put you two infidels through while I figure out how this countdown is aiding that ugly Kim Dong Ill guy in Shelf Korea!

NINJA ON A SKATEBOARD: Nobody insults the great leader of my homeland, Shelf Korea!  Take this!!!!

SAM: Do you feel a draft?

ES: I’ve got to say, sir, those black lace panties look much better on the First Lady than they do you.

SAM: Great Washington’s ghost!  I’ve been debriefed by the Fake News!  I better hightail it back to Air Force One before the photographers show up!  I’ll be back to make this countdown great again later…

SCRATCHY: Just another day in the loony bin…

ES: Sponkies!  I think we need that next Shelf Critter request now…

SPONKIE 2: The next request is from Shadow!

SPONKIE 1: (Gets Pokeball ready) Woohoo!  I’ll get him this time…

ES: You know, now that I think about it, I haven’t seen Shadow out in the audience this whole time!  Is he even here?

SCRATCHY: Wait for it……

SHADOW: (Appearing in his usual way) Greetings critters!

ES: Could you please stop appearing out of thin air!  I hate having to add all those crappy Photoshop effects every time you show up!

SHADOW: I assume I have been summoned because it is finally time for the number one song in this pathetic little musical list of yours.

SCRATCHY: You’re number eleven, dude!

SHADOW: There’s obviously been an egregious error then.  The song I have chosen is one of the greatest ever recorded since I invented the phonograph for Thomas Edison!

SCRATCHY: The greatest ever recorded, huh?

Scratchy removes Shadow’s request from the envelope….

SCRATCHY: DUDE!!!!  This is seriously one of the lamest songs there ever was!!!!

SHADOW: I’d expect no less judgment from such a paltry record spinner such as yourself…

ES: Let me see that….. oh goody!  Shadow, you have excellent taste in muzak!

SCRATCHY: I rest my case!  LAME!!!!!

The popular 70’s band America, as you might expect, formed in Great Britain fifty years ago, though the three members of the band were definitely from the US.  Dewey Bunnell, Gerry Beckley and Dan Peek were the sons of Air Force personnel who were stationed in London.  They hit it big with their harmonious folk inspired rock, with their debut single “A Horse With No Name” ending up as a #1 hit in many countries, including their homeland across the water.

A horse with no mane…

America was able to keep the hits coming for a few more years, but in 1977, Peek left the band and their fortunes were grounded with the Sandman.  But America the duo did manage to make a small comeback in 1982, buoyed largely by a song the two of them didn’t really do much but sing vocals for…

Former Argent guitarist Russ Ballard played a major part in their 1982 album A View From The Ground, and wrote “You Can Do Magic,” which became the group’s first Top 40 US hit in six years, making it to #8.  Ballard played all of the instruments on the song and added the backing vocals.  We’re not sure if he’d want to take credit for the cheaply produced and cheesy music video that accompanied his song…

I can do magic with this camcorder! Now bring in the fog and the bad hair!

Come back next Monday as the Top 10 Shelf Critter request songs come rolling down Ventura Highway…