All Time Sandy Awards – Celebrities!

Here’s a celebrity I met 21 years ago today.

The Nest’s 10th anniversary celebration continues on this week with Part 2 of our look back at one of my favorite features to write for this blog, the Sandy Awards!  My annual look back at the best, the funniest, and the most fucked up search terms to lead people to my blog had to be retired this past year due to a lack of grist for the mill… but we’re doing an all-time edition taking into account the thousands of great entries my stats page saved for me over the past ten years!

As always, each one of the bolded terms below was really entered by someone into a search engine over the past ten years, with that search leading them to The Nest!

For our second category, we’re going to mock the best search terms featuring someone famous, whether real or fictional…

Some people wound up becoming famous for more than just 15 minutes.  It might take you longer than that to check out all of these fucked up celebrity search terms…

elvis in soviet union – Given what passes for rock music in the old CCCP, I’m not sure they’re ready for Elvis…

This lame meme will probably get me sent to Siberia.

weird al yankovic squirrels – After “Weasel Stomping Day,” I think Weird Al better just stay away from squirrels…

hairy body of anil kapoor – Hubba hubba…

You should see me during a full moon!

joan jett touch me – Give it up, fanboy.  She’s into chicks…

richard simmons reach – No!  Keep those sweaty hands to yourself…

Aw, c’mon! Just one little tickle?

samuel l jackson koolaid commercial – Keep your muthafuckin’ pitcher away from my muthafuckin’ wall!!!

darius sucks – Well, duh!

Now playing at a fruity western bar near you…

jack palance porn scene – Someone better ride back to town and fetch a shitload of Viagra…

what does the white guy do in the dazz band? – He gives them a more diverse look to appeal to a wider audience, of course!

Radical! Now we can attract that whitebread demographic we always wanted!

vidal sassoon squirrel – If the squirrel doesn’t look good, he don’t look good…

Vidal’s looking pretty damn awesome today…

gheorghe zamfir greatest hits – Zamfir and greatest hits are oxymorons.  Ergo, the existence of this album would destroy the universe…

fat tom lasorda – Fat?  Why, he still looks like he’s in playing shape!

Well, he’s in playing shape for the Goodyear blimp.

horny pikachu – Awwww, he just wants to catch ’em all too!

pikachu on meth – Actually, I think he prefers the good stuff…

Mind altering drugs is the only way to understand anime, dude!

marshall applewhite transparent – After decomposing for 25 years, he should be very transparent…

Hopefully his badass Nikes are still in good shape, at least…

malibu barbie linda blair – Barbie teaches girls that they can be anything.  Like demon hellpsawn that turn into a pea soup sprayer…

ronald mcdonald hug

Back off, Ronald, or Grimace will eat your ass.

miley cyrus bologna ass – Well, there went my appetite…

john candy wearing chaps – Some people have some very weird fetishes…

At least it’s more presentable than what he was wearing in “Armed and Dangerous.”

how can i get a lil jon voicemail greeting? – Pony up a few dead presidents, and rappers will do just about anything.

Yo! The bitch can’t come to the phone right now. Leave yo 411 and maybe she’ll give ya a hollaback… fo’ shizzle.

is the fray an evil band? – I don’t know, but “How To Save A Life” probably plays on loop in Hell’s waiting room…

george costanza zuiikin english – You tell me that’s not Jason Alexander with panties tied around his nose…

And you thought Kramer was the weird one…

mike tyson metamucil commercial – I hear human ears are high in fiber…

mike tyson image of back

Well, playing Punch Out isn’t going to help us out…

why isnt the original jay bush in the commercial for bush’s beans? – Who do you think’s in the beans?

Duh, I heard that!!!

bobby darin bubble bath – Nothing’s more relaxing than a nice, warm bubble bath with the dead…

Right Marat?

was john travolta ever in a reese’s commercial – Hopefully he didn’t get any peanut butter on his leisure suit.

elizabeth taylor husbands in order – Always remember the mnemonic…. Divorced, beheaded, died… Divorced, beheaded, survived.

Hey, where’s Michael Jackson?

kevin o’neill porn actor – Hey, I actually met two celebrities at my Millionaire taping!

Such a charming face hides such a dirty secret…

did lorena bobbitt use a ginsu knife? – Ummm… we are talking about for chopping veggies in the kitchen, right?

washed up butch patrick – Hey!  Leave Eddie Munster alone!

Someone’s gotta do the burger flipping…

jimmie walker is a douche – You just can’t handle all that DY-NO-MITE!

Not a douche. Just an annoying stereotype.

prairie dawn feet – What are you, some Muppet foot fetishist?

mitzi_luv 48dd – Because my Shelf critters are celebrities too…

Goodbye Mitzi Jean…

jar jar haters gonna hate – Yeah, take that!  Jar Jar IS the Star Wars franchise…

genesis rodriguez shows off boobs

Come on, dear. Help one of our readers out…

did jim stafford sing mississippi squirrel revival – Well, we know he doesn’t like spiders and snakes.  I’m not sure what he thinks of squirrels…

debbie gibson and duck dynasty

Name two things which nobody will remember in 2022.

does justin verlander shave or wax his arms? – Only because his wife makes him do it…

Seriously, he should just kick Kate Upton to the curb…

stewart winger shirt – Stewart Winger?  Who’s that?

Oh…. nevermind.

kool aid man on steroids – Now that’s a scary thought.  He might crash through the earth… oh yeah!

art linkletter contour chair how much did they cost? – More than your social security benefits will let you afford…

Government benefits deny the darndest things…

did clara peller do a clapper commercial? – Maybe if she could have turned the lights on, she would have found the beef.

carl barger head statue

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kill it with FIRE!!!!!!!!

Now that was an interesting scoop you wouldn’t even get from TMZ.  And none of those even won the Sandy Award for best celebrity search!  To find out what did take home the hardware, you’ll have to wait for the finale of this series on March 22nd.  Until then, tune in next Tuesday for the next category in our all time Sandy Awards extravaganza!

About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
This entry was posted in 10th Anniversary Squirrels and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to All Time Sandy Awards – Celebrities!

  1. I know a lot of things now… seems I’m ready to enter the next quiz show…thanks for making this gray day to a funny one…

  2. Well I still haven’t checked my search terms but good grief people do come up with the craziest searches don’t they??????????????? Just think – they could live right next door to us….eeeek!

    Pam

  3. Kismet says:

    Tommy LaSorda was the Pillsbury dough boy.

  4. Lorena Bobbitt?? Very odd! Maybe she’s the one doing ear trims …

  5. PS I recommended you at The Observation Post. https://theobservationpost.wordpress.com
    Cheers.

  6. There are some seriously weirdos in this world, judging by what they search.

  7. draliman says:

    I’ve always been careful what I Google in case there’s someone monitoring me. Now I know there is, and it’s a squirrel…

  8. Jack Palance (ain’t he dead?) and porn are oxymorons. The thought of it burned my virtual eyes and now I’ll never UNsee it. Brrrr. But then the horny picachu (I’m not into that kind of anime, so forgive the misspelling if I did misspell that name of the thingie)..was really out there too, and a stoned horny picachu blows one’s mind. Who needs acid?

  9. Trisha says:

    People are so weird. But I do like the idea of a Vidal Sassoon Squirrel!

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