Never juge a man by his search terms.

The second half of The Nest’s 10th anniversary celebration rolls along with the third part of our All Time Sandy Awards presentation!  The Sandys honor real search terms that led people to my blog, and while they almost never register anymore on my stats page, we can still look back and laugh, cry, and ask WTF? over all of the good shit I collected over the past ten years!  This week’s category honors those who would make your seventh grade language arts teacher (The one with the wart on her cheek) bust a vein…

As always, the bolded terms below are 100% REAL search terms that led someone to The Nest at some point over the past ten years!

Google might recognize what you’re trying to search for when you type like a monkey having a seizure, but at The Nest, all you’re going to find is us having a hearty laugh at your stupid ass….

the twilight xone answering machine – Because even the dead might want to leave a message if you’re unavailable…

Hi Gramma! I got your message! I had a blast at your funeral!

mother huge utters – A mother who utters huge words?  OK….

mothers nice and udders niples photos – Apparently those huge words like “nipples” are too hard for you…

Breast milk equals brain power!

is vurgo evil? – No, they’re just born to criticize your terrible spelling…

arcchitecture of a squirrels nest – Squirrels follow the simple rule that form follows function.  Ergo, they don’t feel it necessary to add extra letters to words to appear fancy…

what do squirrels do at nite – Gather around the tube and watch Nick at Nite, of course!

This never gets old…

how do squillels hang upside down? – Velly, velly carefully…

do squireels come out in the frost – No, because they don’t want the cold to freeze their brain like yours…

Squireels!?!? Get real!

90s muzzy commercial transkation – You need to find a better transkator…

do squirrels come out at night in the dark? – Paging the Department of Redundancy Department…

Looks like they’re busy making stickers. I better leave a message and a voicemail…

do squirrels mean good are evil – Uh…… what?

ross perot we will hear a giant ducking sound –

QUACK!

big bodi milk gairl tits – Well, at least they spelled the most important word right….

pikachu drinking bear – And I always thought he was too young to drink bear…

I got the bear necessities…

any person who drink 7up cold drink can creat a uncousiness – Um, dude!  Lay off the bear…

is squirrel lucky if wander into house – As long as he don’t go through airport turnstile sideways…

Yeah, I’m laughing at your stupid joke…

snap crackle and bop – The trio just wasn’t the same since Kellogg’s fired Pop and replaced him with his brother Bop…

Don’t try and act all badass, Bop…. you suck!

freedom of choise in public schools ends – Freedom of choise does no good if you just sleep through spelling class…

how much decon to kill a squirrle – One block.  But you should probably taste it first to make sure it’s still good…

Do not feed the squirrles.

story involving a rat, squirrel and donkey in kannada – O Kannada….

who made a potatoe that glows when it needs water – The Nest will always treasure the day former Vice President Dan Quayle visited our blog!

Ah, the good old days when our politicians’ stupidity was actually funny.

just because your paranoid doesn’t mean ninja squirrels aren’t out to get you – That may be true, but I’d watch out for an ambush by ninja English teachers…

squerel at night
are squrials out at night
are sguirreks out at night – Maybe you should stop typing in the dark…

how do i spell squriel nest? – Not like that, dude…

why do squirlls do flips and act crazy – Because nobody can fucking spell the word “squirrel!”

Stoopid hoomans!

taurs men asholes – They’re not assholes.  Every star sign is mocking your poor spelling…

look out for the cheetah –

is squirrels bad around ho – I think we all get that way around hos…

caned dog food from the 70s – Dog food gets CANNED.  Tourists in Singapore get caned…

And then maybe end up IN the canned dog food…

1990 dail phones – Don’t laugh, you probably have a better chance of finding a dail phone than a dial phone these days…

Don’t touch that dail…

looking for a skanki girl – Even skanky girls care about proper spelling…

does febreeze deter squirrels – I stocked this shit for 15 years…. it’s FEBREZE!!!!

Brought to you by the same company who makes Swifters.

snuggling crepoy – I….. don’t even want to know.

selsun blue left a cooling deeling – It also apparently seeped into your brain…

are finger links evil? – Yes, and your kids should be doing their spelling homework rather than playing with expensive toys that are out of style…

Ah, Fingerlings… we hardly knew ye.

is it bad for squirrela to get wet – Squirrela is bitchy enough as it is, let alone when she gets drenched…

angry scquirrel with chainsaw cartoon – He’s coming after the nuts of bad spellers!

medical mystories evil apples – This sounds like some fairy tale…

I’ll pass on the apple, ma’am. I hear it affects the part of your brain that can spell.

All of that very questionable spelling and syntax…. and yet none of those won the all time Sandy Award for this category!  To find out what did, and for all of the other big winners, you’ll have to wait for the finale on March 22nd!  Until then, tune in next Tuesday for the next exciting, hilarious and head-slapping category in The Nest’s 10th anniversary Sandy Awards!