EVIL SQUIRREL: Troll, what in the everloving fuck is going on here!?!?

TROLL: What’s that sir?  Oh, this?  Well, sir, I figured that since it was snowing outside that maybe you’d want that winter ambiance on the set here as well!

ES: You idiot!  I don’t ever let it rain inside… why would I want it to fucking snow in here!?!?

SCRATCHY: If I’d have known there’d be snow today, I’d have worn my stylish moon boots…. oh wait, I already wear them all the time anyway!

ES: Troll, you have five minutes to get the shovel and get this white shit out of my sight, or I’m going to make you stick your tongue to the freezing metal toilet on the outhouse again!

TROLL: Wait sir, I have a better idea on how to get rid of this snow FAST!

SCRATCHY: Imagine….. dragons!

TROLL: Alright, firebreath!  Do your stuff!!!!

ES: No wait!!! Troll!!!!!  Don’t…..

TROLL: There we go!  All nice and….

TROLL: Ummmm….. burnt.

ES: You imbecile!!!  What did you think was going to happen if you lit styrofoam peanuts on fire!?!?!

TROLL: Styrofoam…. you mean that wasn’t real snow!?!?  Awwww, that just killed the magic for me!

SCRATCHY: Reminds me of the stench at a Colorado rave.

ES: I’ll deal with you later, Troll… and you might want to consult Buster for advice on a good life insurance policy!  Sponkies!  I hope the list didn’t burn up in this disco inferno….

SPONKIE 2: Don’t worry, Uncle Evil!  We fled for higher ground with the list as soon as we saw the script for this intro!

SPONKIE 1: The number three Shelf critter request is from…. Uncle Sam!

UNCLE SAM: Hmmmmm…. reminds me of good times back in New Jersey!

ES: Pardon the mess, Sam.

SAM: Not to worry, I’ll declare this a federal disaster area and send FEMA to clean it up in a few months.

SCRATCHY: This music better be good!  The only Presidents I usually play are the band from the 90’s!

SAM: Citizen, this countdown has had a serious lack of chest thumping, flag waving patriotic music!

SCRATCHY: That’s because it’s supposed to be a GOOD music countdown.

SAM: I’ve got my eye on you, miss!  I highly suspect you might be North Korean.  Or even worse, Canadian!

ES: Can we just get this request going before I pass out from these poisonous fumes?

SAM: Alright citizens of the Shelf…. all rise and pay respect to our new national anthem!!!

If ever an artist earned the nickname The Hardest Working Man in Show Business, it was the Godfather of Soul, James Brown.  From his first gigs in the early 1950’s right up until his death in 2006, Brown was a recording, performing, producing and touring machine!

And apparently a Sex Machine as well… though we really don’t want to know about that.

Much of James Brown’s success came in the 60’s when he could regularly be found at the top of the Billboard R&B charts.  Yet despite having 99 songs enter the Hot 100 over his career, he never did have a #1 on the pop charts.  In fact, beginning in 1968, he wouldn’t see the inside of the Top 40 again until 1986, when he provided the theme song for Apollo Creed in the film Rocky IV…

“Living in America” was an instant hit, making it up to #4 and was the Godfather’s last great hurrah.  The song was written by Dan Hartman and featured Stevie Ray Vaughan on lead guitar.  It introduced a new generation (my generation) to the soul and theatrics of James Brown.

It’s also one of the best damn songs ABOUT America and doesn’t get near the credit it deserves in that much maligned genre.  While everyone want to ironically play “Born in the USA” on the Fourth of July, they should be digging out this red white and blue treasure instead!

I feel good!!!

The second best song in the Shelf Critter Request countdown is coming up next Monday!